An Atypically Typical Christmas

 Now that Christmas is done, I wanted to take a quick moment to reflect on it. For the previous two years, I would get together with a friend everyday of Christmas and hang out, and then I would post a picture and a little summary. This year, I still got together with a person most days online, but I didn't post about it because I figured a bunch of screen shots and a summary everyday saying "I had a video chat" would not be satisfying.

However, I did feel like I grew and came to a couple of realizations because of the experience. I didn't get together with as many people, one because I personally find a lot of phone calls and video chats to be a bit of a drag. I'd rather be with the person. But I also realized how much I haven't had a conversation with a lot of folks and it helped me feel better and less disconnected. I think I'm going to continue to actively reach out to people and have more of these kind of calls throughout the rest of the pandemic.

The other thing that was interesting to me this particular year (and I said it in every one of my phone calls) is that while most people were saying how this year's Christmas was strange and how for me it was one of the most "normal" Christmas' I've ever had. Some people were relieved to not have to be so busy while others were heart-broken that their tradition was broken or disappointed that it felt like any other day. Suddenly a lot of people I knew had a Christmas that I typically have.

My roommate, our downstairs neighbours, and I all got together for a Christmas supper together in our apartment. I made mashed potatoes and gravy, sat at my own table, and was at a table of equals. Everyone of us were on the same footing because it not typical for any of us. And that's where I had the feeling that this was as close I've had in a long time to the typical Christmas experience. Over the years, on Christmas, I have been invited to many homes by very gracious people. They want to make it hospitable to those who would be otherwise be alone on Christmas. And that's great. That should continue and I know many people appreciate that hospitality. As someone who is typically one of the outsiders coming to another's home, it typically feels like I get to observe someone else's Christmas and family and good life. Of course, observing other people's Christmases has become my typical Christmas and I've found things I appreciate about it. Such as getting a chance to see how different families interact and I've many things that I want to keep in mind if a family is in my future. This Christmas, I didn't get to observe another's Christmas, I was fully a participant and it was honestly very nice. I hope to have more in the future without a pandemic being the cause for it. "Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now"

Good Things for Me in the Year 2020

Due to the suggestion of a social media expert, I wanted to share this post that I originally had on my Facebook. I am not one to question experts, so here it is: My good friend, Laena, has done a thing at the end of the last few years of highlighting some of the good things in their life as "a way for me to remember and reflect on the good, and keep me hopeful and driven for the year ahead."

I appreciate that sentiment and would like to share some of the good things for me in 2020.

1) Because I have not been able to perform as much this year, the flip side to that is that there has been more opportunity to rest and not have to be "on" all the time. I've gotten to do other things I like and not feel like I have to choose between as many really things. There's a weird blessing in that. (Although, I do look forward to performing again)

2) I left a job with the most toxic manager I've ever worked with and now work is not something actively harming my mental health.

3) CERB was a godsend. It not only kept me financially steady during an uncertain time, but it distinctly helped reduce my debt. It also highlighted the benefits of a social safety net and hopefully Canadians remember that and continue to push away from the poison of unfettered capitalism.

4) Odd Wednesday had such a fun show early in the year where many of the different sketch groups performed each other's sketches and added their unique flavour to sketches we had seen before. Watching Ms. Perfect Boy make an existential nightmare out of Girl Brain sketches was wonderful. I can't wait to do it again.

5) I've been running a D&D campaign with two different groups that follows the tale of generations of heroes over the course of 500 years with different genres and scenarios throughout and because of various podcasts like Hook and Chance, Adventuring Academy with Brennan Lee Mulligan, and Matt Colville's YouTube channel, I have found and develop a dungeon master style that allows me to better lead a game that is open to player choice and influence. It's been a lot of fun and very rewarding. Plus it is with good friends.

6) Sudokus with weird, kinky rules has lit up my brain over quarantine.

7) I am happy with the Filliam Crowe videos I made over the year. I don't know how to market the character or the videos, but I still really liked spending time as the character who is unendingly positive and silly.

8) I've taken distinct steps to try and address my mental health and I think it's been going well.

9) "Soul" was the right kind of movie that has given me a renewed inspiration to be present and live life and not get caught up in this unhelpful idea that you need to accomplish something great or specific goals for your life to not be wasted.

10) Funny enough, while everyone else's Christmas' seemed to be upended and "ruined" or not very traditional, mine on the other hand, was probably the most traditional one I've had in a long time. I made classic Christmas dishes and served it in my home and everyone else was on the same footing as me as opposed to other years where I feel like an outsider at someone else's traditional family gathering. It was great.

11) I've come to appreciate the evil that is the owning class earning money off others simply because they own things. It has inspired me to have more compassion for those who Jesus favoured in this modern context. If we are to help the poor, the sick, and the oppressed, then we need to change the dynamic and this year has given me more to think about and identified the problem.

12) Gus Johnson makes funny videos and I'm glad I discovered him this year.

13) The video game Hades was a gift given to me and it has been a wonderfully unexpected boon to me.

14) I've gotten to have many calls and video chats with people over the year and especially over the 12 days of Christmas as I seek to spend more time with people that mean a lot to me.

15) This list was longer than I thought it was going to be.

16) Finally, the fact that I got to spend time with Jim this year. Jim was the grandpa of my friends Jamie and Michelle and last November I started to go visit Jim and keep him company at his care home. I got to know him and had a good time connecting with this new friend. Obviously, that stopped when the quarantine rules came into play and sadly, he passed away recently. I won't be able to visit my buddy anymore, but I loved the chance to know him for a little while.

There were still many good things in this year and I hope that there will be many more in the year to come. "Let me go
I don't wanna be your hero
I don't wanna be a big man
I just wanna fight with everyone else"
- "Hero" from the Family of the Year album "Our Songbook" (This song was in my top 10 of Spotify tracks for the year)

For The Enjoyment of Brennan Lee Mulligan

If you don't have any idea what this whole post is about, just know that there is an actual play show called Dimension 20. Each season is a different Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in a weird world. The current one is one that involves food people in the style of Game of Thrones. Makes sense? No? It's sounds like gibberish? Fair. But this is not for you, it's for me and Brennan Lee Mulligan. I'm not nearly as talented with drawing as some of the other artists in the Dimension 20 fandom, but I wanted to submit just some of the members of the "Grand Slam" mercenary guild in Calorum, who will work for anyone if the price is right. They have no love for the Bulb or the Hungry One because they believe they have uncovered that there is a darker force out there that they have to fight in the end time known as the "Paar Kinglot".

The members are:

- Grilliam Sixstack the Seconds of the House of Pancakes. Ceresian fighter (formerly a Bulbian paladin). This oathbreaker has turned to holding an ancient variation of a trident made of an unknown substance. Grilliam claims that it a relic of the Hungry One and he has made it his weapon named "Last Meal" (or the Devil's Fork). He has maple-glazed plate amor, forgoing the helmet and instead wearing the fanciful hat of the artists from the Dairy Island known as a beurret. He also has burnt pancake shield. He is the face of the Grand Slam due to the House of Pancakes known across all the nations of Calorum for their exploits.

- Greasa Porcine of Carn. Carnian ranger. She is a thin waif of meat like her other siblings who are well loved across Calorum. They are frequently sent as diplomats on behalf of the Meatlands, because everybody wants to add bacon to everything. However, she has decided to use her skill with her hunting bow called "Fat Chance" (or the Grease Bow) along meat-arrows dipped in fat poison that slows down the victim.

- Laeth Tallglass of House Moo. Dairy Island barbarian. A large brute that you need to be aware of and you better be ready to run if you see his milk begin to bubble. He's one of the strongest Dairy islanders you can find, armed with a reinforced Carnian bone hammer called "Bone Chiller" (or the Milk Bone).

- L'oeuf Yolklund of Carton Isle. From a island just off the shores of the Meatlands. Rogue. L'oeuf is hard-boiled, hiding her face except for the crack in her shell so she can see. She is small and elusive and one of the most potent members of the guild. Armed with a bunch of shellrikens (or throwing shells) along with her signature lantana blade, "Yolkrunner" (or the Brittle Blade).

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9 HOT Ideas to Improve Your Society that You Just Have to Try!

In the last couple of weeks I posted a series of Facebook posts that were essentially decrying the landlord/tenant dynamic as we have it in Canada. At one point in the comments, I was asked, "If you were king for a day (or however long you need) what changes would you make to alter the current system/mindset?"

I fully believe the question was genuine and not just asked so that it would turn into a "gotcha" question where my ideas are dismantled out of hand.

I've been thinking on some ideas for a while and I thought that I would try something out of the ordinary where I would take the ideas I've heard about and put them into my pitch for how I would improve things.

I'm going to try to keep my focus on Canada, although, I should note that I will comment on the American system as well, because they have such a prominent impact on the thinking in Canada and I believe that their system needs to be improved as well.

Now, at the outset, the discussion that prompted this response was centred on rent and property ownership, but frankly, the system is such that everything is tied in with each other. I am going to pitch a variety of ideas and although I would love if all of them were brought together, I still believe that each of them individually would help Canadian society. Since this is a post for social media consumption, I will also not dive super deep into things but rather it is to paint a broad picture. There are nuances to any of the topics I bring up, but I am not a politician or political scientist or economist, but rather someone who has listened and observed these topics across my own lifetime.

The undergirding for my philosophy and approach is based in this concept that I refer to as "divine imagination". There may be a different and better term for it, but essentially, I understand that the things I pitch will require Canadian society to be more generous than it is. This usually brings push back, but I am being informed by my understanding of the teachings of Jesus that calls for us to bring about the kingdom of God, which is at hand. Something so close to what we can do, we just need to have the will to do it.

The other main idea that undergirds my thinking is that the economy is to serve society and that society is not there to serve the economy. The economy is a tool but as soon as it becomes more important than people, we have missed the whole point. We need to adjust the economy for the benefit of people.

I will also remind you that I am a layman and I know that experts would need to refine or better explain these ideas. I don't have references ready at hand as I write this, because, let me just check my notes, I am also being overwhelmed by day to day life and I don't have the time to properly list my sources. I will give the synopsis in this post and if people doubt my idea, then I point them to sources later.

Here are some of the changes I would like to see:

1) Most importantly - housing for the homeless. It wouldn't have to be elaborate. People who have a place to a stay for free so they can get their feet underneath them. It is cheaper to give housing along with someone to help guide a homeless person than many of these shelters that only help day by day. With a permanent place, it would be easier to get a job, to avoid being exposed to the elements and thus reduce illness and strain on the healthcare system. Prevention is always cheaper than reacting to a problem. If someone is completely desperate for shelter and food in the current system, the best way to do it is to be sent to prison. That's messed up.

2) Clean water to reserves. We are willing to build pipelines for oil to benefit the economy but not basics to benefit society. That's messed up.

3) Universal basic income - the main argument against it is that it would make people lazy. I disagree. The one thing that the pandemic has proven to me is that I get supremely uncomfortable in doing nothing. The thing is, the stuff I want to produce or do may not be seen as profitable even though want it. They just don't want to pay for it. I am specifically talking about art. Many artists are okay with not making a million dollars, they just want to create. And many of those artists are what inspire and encourage others. And in the moments when a person is left to themselves, they frequently turn to the beauty of art. The pandemic has shown it to be so. If you had no books or movies or music or podcasts, your quarantine would be more hollow. If you have kids, where do you turn to? Art. Even if you don't show them a Disney movie or paid one cent for art, you, at the very least, told them stories or encouraged them to use their imaginations. That is tapping into artistic energy. People who use their lives to be artistic help you to feel, think, express, and reflect life. Just like I would turn to a mechanic to help me fix a practical problem with my car. But we don't pay them. And I get it. Paying for art feels weird. But I believe that it should feel weird that people who make art to not be paid.

Also, a note on this, when UBI has been tested before, they found that people didn't just up and quit their jobs. The only people that worked less were people like single parents because they could spend more time with their kids. Or people could spend more time getting training to do a higher skilled job. It's happening for some Canadians who are receiving CERB right now.

UBI helps people live the lives they are suited for and would be best for society.

Now, the question is always, where does this money come from? How come we slow right down when it comes to helping the poor and yet corporations in Alberta can get a $4.7 billion tax cut and it is rushed through the Legislature.

The theory of trickle down economics has never worked. You give to the cuts to the top, it never makes its way down. However, you give money to the lower socio-economic groups and suddenly the engine of the economy is running better because poorer people will use money and not just stash it away.

Automation is coming into more and more fields and most jobs could potentially be unnecessary because of it. So when is the hard working lower and middle classes going to see the benefit of a society that is the most productive it has ever been?

UBI is one of those things that give people a minimum structure to work from that is more than zero.

Now, you may point out that this will just enable welfare queens. Which is not really a thing that exists. But sure, some people will take advantage of the system. You're right. And some people would be making money for doing little. You'd have some lazy guy make thousands of dollars for no work. But you should remember that the other way is much more catastrophic for society. On the other end, you have people taking advantage of the system and ripping away millions and billions and I guarantee you that they are not working so much harder than the average blue collar worker to earn it.

4) Habitat for Humanity should be the standard way of getting a home - At least how it was originally designed to be. (In Edmonton, the local chapter has reneged on it's contracts and it is awful and wrong). You help build a home, you owe a certain amount of hours both in building your home and to the community, and you get the deed to the place. Your work earns you a house. It should not be your work plus a down payment that you may never be able to save up for because you barely afford to live.

5) If you want a second house to own, it should be much more than the market price - I would astronomically more. The pandemic proves this point again. Remember how there were people who bought all of the toilet paper and you were lucky to get some? And those people then turned around and tried to sell it at a profit? Remember how furious you were about that because it was unfair and selfish? Guess what? Those people were capitalists through and through. They played the game right. Here's the thing. Life is not a game you can win. Specifically, our communal life is not a game where one person can win. Suddenly, there were restrictions on how much toilet paper you could have to make it fair and reasonable for people to have access to a basic necessity. Some places had increasing costs to buying more toilet paper. It made sense, right? It made people take what they needed and leave enough for others to also have. Well, you have companies and people buying up more houses than they personally need and then turning around and benefiting from a necessity for life which is shelter. Shelter is even more important than toilet paper but we are okay with the system because likely, if you're reading this, you have a place to stay. Some people are struggling to maintain a place to stay, even before this pandemic happened.

6) Rent should not be used to earn profit. - Rent should be: Property taxes (which are designed to pay for local schools and infrastructure) + utilities + wear & tear + the smallest amount for convenience. That last fee would essentially be for paying the land lord for maintenance on the place. Acting almost as insurance. The alternative to this if the rent is to be higher is to be for the sake of selling the home to the tenant. If the tenant wants to pay more per month, they are building equity in the place. I know there is more to explain in this, but I am painting with a broad stroke right now.

I know some of you may be thinking, "but renting out is one of the ways of getting a return on my investment!"

Correct. And it's messed up. That's super messed up. That is making it so that people who have not been able to build up wealth will continue to not build up wealth under the arbitrary distinction that you "own the land". How can someone own land? What makes it yours?

7) Defund the police and reimagine the role of the police - The police are the ones called in to solve far more problems than their scope really should be and they don't often receive training to handle beyond a limited scope. People trained in mental healthcare and deescalation would be better suited in dealing with someone who is having an episode and should be at the forefront dealing with a situation that involves mental health, not just cops that are trained to be react violently with efficiency. Let's divvy up the responsibilities of the cops (along with their budgets) to other individuals.

8) Fund needs of the community - by addressing the underlying issues that lead to crime, you will have less need of police. Oh, and look, if you cut the funding to police (who often receive an inordinate amount of a city's budget to the point where Halifax spent half a million on a tank for it's police force. Halifax. For the police. A tank, in case you missed that. For Halifax. You know the one in Nova Scotia. The place is not a war zone.) you suddenly have more money.

9) Corporations are taxed for profits made in the country - this is where funding would come from. You make money in Canada? You pay taxes in Canada because you have benefitted from Canada's infrastructure and your money will help keep that infrastructure strong. Close up tax loopholes that inordinately benefit multinational corporations. Now, I know that some may point out that corporations would avoid Canada because of restrictions put on them. Corporations are simply out to make as much money as you're willing to give them. Canada (and especially the States) have fallen for this. I chose I random country. McDonald's in Norway pays $15.98 (in American dollars) per hour for a new hire. After four months, it goes to $19.63. Now, it's not that McDonald's executives have more love for Norwegians because of lutefisk. If they could, they would pay them as little as possible. Even if that amount is not a survivable amount. Back to my point, Norway despite these restrictions, still have McDonalds. The cholesterol clown is still making money there. Politicians need to have more of a spine and a servant heart and make the corporations pay their share.

Also, if you really hate the idea that someone would be a welfare queen as mentioned a few points ago, I should say, you know what. There are welfare queens. Too many. They take advantage of the system to the tune of millions and billions. It's corporations like McDonald's and Walmart that pay their workers so little, that the workers then turn to the government anyway to get financial aid. These kind of corporations are the ones benefitting the most. Get them to pay into the system. Heck make it so that if they want to avoid taxes, they have can pay their employees more.


Now, you've may have made your way through all those ideas and think to yourself, "but no one can become a billionaire in that kind of system.

Yeah. That's a great point.

That's the best point.

If you think that it is our right to be able to gather up so many resources so that you can live an extravagant life because the system says its okay to do so while your fellow humans struggle to survive and in fact are heavily impeded from getting ahead, guess what? You're awful. You are either the dragon in their cave hoarding riches or you want to become the dragon.

Yes, the world came from a place of survival of the fittest and a dog eat dog kind mentality, but it's actually been us working together that has been thing that helped us to survive as a species.

You taking care of others is the thing that will help you live better. The pandemic is another great example. Want to protect yourself from getting Covid? Make sure your neighbour is able to get the health care and financial assistance they need so they don't have to come into work if they're sick and expose a bunch of others in order to pay rent.

The ideas I presented demand that we have to be okay with not being as extravagant as we want to be.

And that is a hard pill to swallow. It's uncomfortable.

It would seem "impossible". It is a challenge, but I also believe that it is a better way.

The alternative, where we can be rich and keep other humans back makes things tougher in a different way.

"'I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.'" - Matthew 19:23-24

Let us not serve the system, let us make sure the system serves us.


"I don't mind stealing bread
From the mouths of decadence
But I can't feed on the powerless
When my cup's already overfilled"
- 'Hunger Strike' by Temple of the Dog

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Someone Who Never Read That Book

A couple of days ago, I made a few posts that caused a lot of debate and discussion.

The noticeable element was how passionate people got. For some, to attack the idea of rental and tenancy was preposterous or perhaps a sign that I should look at buying my own place (oh to dream a dream!). Others agreed with the words I spoke and vehemently came into the discussion seeing the injustice in such a system.

The thing that has weighed on me since then has been the place that social media plays in the space of public discourse. I saw people from different realms of my life come into a discussion and hold passionate debate. For most people, this was a debate with a faceless opponent. The only connection to the people on the other side was me as a mutual Facebook friend.

However, for me, I saw people from across my life, whom I all appreciate and have held good memories of have an anonymous fight. Whether it was people from my hometown who knew me as the weird gangly keener kid, or it was people who went to college with me and knew me as the weird gangly slacker man-child, or it was people who went to the camp I was a leader at and knew me as the weird gangly child-man, or it was people from Edmonton who know me as the weird gangly old child comedian, you can all agree is that I’m weird, I’m gangly and I'm idealistic.

I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone who is a friend or an associate of myself, that everyone is a person. I mean, that’s a given. We fundamentally know that. However, in the midst of a debate that matters close to the heart, it can be easy to distill people down to a comment and a profile picture.

Also, before I get too far into this post, I want to say that as you read this, that I'm not saying anyone went too far or that they poisoned any conversation. I want to offer a reminder. A reminder for all of us to keep in mind as we deal with interactions on the internet. In fact, I think it was pretty civil. But I think a reminder in the midst of an issue of passion is important to keep people anchored.

Regardless of whether you fully agree with my sentiments of a few days ago or are dismayed by my thoughts on the status quo, I want to say that I appreciate that you are bringing your experience, understanding, and passion to the discussion. The people I saw that responded clearly care and I know that you genuine believe and stand by your words and want a fair world for people to have the ability to thrive.

I want to highlight for people on both sides, myself included, that when it comes to convincing people to your side, that you need to remember that it is really difficult for a person to see a perspective that is not their own. It can backfire on you especially if you do give the other person grace. On a visceral, human level, you are hurting a person. You are attacking a person’s identity. It is very difficult for a person to change their mind and if you’re not careful, you will only entrench the other person more in their position. Here is a clip of a show that delves into this human phenomena: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8NydsXl32s 

That’s why when I offer ideas or responses, I try to do it as gently as possible. I try to attack ideas, not people. I try to sympathize with people I do not agree with. Not to be weak or submissive or not to hold my position without conviction, but rather that I may actually win people to my side.

This also is echoed in the Bible itself. When Paul speaks about sharing the gospel (which means “good news”), he says this in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23: “Though I am free of obligation to anyone, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), to win those under the law. To those without the law I became like one without the law (though I am not outside the law of God but am under the law of Christ), to win those without the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings.”

A fantastic example of this is Daryl Davis, a black man who has convinced multiple members of the KKK to leave the white hoods behind. If you have not watched him speak, please do: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORp3q1Oaezw

Obviously, the topic my post was talking about is not nearly as drastic as that. But I wanted to highlight Daryl, because even in the most extreme example, the way he won people over was remembering to have empathy and to remember the humanity of the other person.

When someone sends a reply to my idea with a jokey tone, I respond with a jokey tone because I know they do not mean me harm. If someone is sincere, I respond with sincerity because I know they are being vulnerable with something they earnestly think and believe.

I don’t do this well all the time. It’s because I care and I get passionate and I might say or type something that is too much. It might be, in my mind, funny or “smart” or right, but when I cross the line it really communicates that I am willing to dehumanize the other person. And at that moment, I have lost. The idea I wanted the other person to embrace is rejected, not necessarily because I was wrong, but rather I was right in the wrong way.

What I am hoping is that if you’re reading this, regardless or whether you agreed or disagreed with my posts, you are considering your words you may have said to someone else. Maybe you said something that went beyond the ideas and it was meant to hurt the other person. If you think you may have, please consider reaching out to them in a private message and apologize even if you still stand by your position, whether it was on the posts I made or if it was on post completely unrelated to the ones I posted. Not only will this repair a basic connection with another human who has thoughts and feelings, but who knows? Maybe it will make the other person give your words a second read and consideration.

As an aside to specifically my fellow Christians who may have followed this link (but even if you’re a HEATHEN!!!?!?!?!!!!, perhaps you will find value in this thought), what I thought was interesting was that it was a lot of Christians that upheld and defended the status quo. That held to the common thought that if a person works hard and made wise decisions, that it was very possible to navigate the system in place. That one is rewarded if they behave under the system. This echoes the friends of Job who accused Job of some supposed wrong doing that must have put him in a place where God must punish him. In reality, Job had done nothing wrong. In fact, if you read the book of Job you find out that he went above and beyond what was required of him to be righteous and despite this, he lost his wealth, his kids, and his health.

Just because things are the way they are, doesn’t mean they are right and just. The prophets in the Bible attacked the status quo and those who thought they were holy when injustice and neglect of the poor abounded. Jesus was an enemy of the state and the religious authorities. Just because some Christians scoff and denounce generous ideas, remember that grace and forgiveness of sins is the utmost generous idea there is.

What Christians need to embrace is the idea of divine imagination. What of the Kingdom of God could we try to bring to earth? How can we participate in God’s work of making His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven?

The thing I see often lacking in the church is a lack of divine imagination. They are willing to embrace the status quo as opposed to challenging oneself to embrace the example of Christ and examine whether or not the status quo is actually unjust and broken.

As an aside to specifically to my fellow left-leaning friends who may have followed this link (but even if you’re a RELIGIOUS ZEALOT!!!!?!???!, perhaps you will find value in this thought), you can learn from the long tradition and admittedly uneven history of missionaries to understand that you need to have empathy for people if you want anyone to take your thoughts and consider them. If you want your brazen ideas to take hold in the heart of another individual, you need to remember that this an individual. Perhaps influenced by a system or several systems, but they are an individual, too. If you are quick to summarize a person in one word, you are in danger of viewing a person as not a person.

As an aside to specifically people who find themselves outside of both of those previous categories who may have followed this link (but even if you are A STEREOTYPE!?!?!??!!!??!!, perhaps you will find value in this thought), we need to remember that our survival is tied in with each other. Even if you think that everyone else is stupid and shortsighted, your well being is tied in with others. The reason humans have survived and thrived is because we work together. We learn from each other, we strengthen each other. 

As an aside to specifically to myself (but even if you have PROPER PROPORTIONS!!!!?!??!?!?!, perhaps you will find value in this thought), you can’t summarize people too easily. Life is complex and you can’t assume that you have the answers. You’re likely wrong in the nuance and the specifics. The best you can do, is offer the little understanding you have and be willing to accept others and be willing to take on the hard task of examining yourself especially when challenged on your thoughts. Who do you think you are? And why are you not eating more?

In conclusion, some people may think that I’m a bleeding heart liberal and others may think that I’m a melted brain Christian and others may think that I’m simply a weird, gangly man-boy-child-guy that is earnestly taking his understanding and trying to make this world a better place (I think of myself more as the King of the Sega Genesis) but I truly believe that this world needs to be more creatively loving.

If you feel like I’ve wronged you or treated you poorly or you would like to continue a discussion with in regards to this or other things I have said, please reach out to me. 

Now, may you go into the world and love others as yourself and may justice roll down like a river.

Or in other words: Remember, I’m pulling for ya, we’re all in this together. Keep your stick on the ice.

"The road is long, with many of winding turns

That lead us to (who knows) where, who knows where?
But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him - yeah
He ain't heavy - he's my brother

So long we go, his welfare is my concern
No burdon is he to bear, we'll get there
But I know he would not encumber me
He ain't heavy - he's my brother

If I'm leaving at all, if I'm leaving with sadness
That everyone's heart isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another.

It's a long, long road, from which there is no return
While we're on the way to there, why not share?
And the long doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy - he's my brother."

- "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" by Bobby Scott and Bob Russell

A Thrill of Hope

Christmas to me has been something I've been sort of fascinated with in the last few years, simply because Christmas has always been a weird, uncomfortable time for me despite the significant presence it had in the various communties I have been surrounded by.
In the broad North American culture, I have observed three main portrayals of Christmas that filter through most North American lives. There are others, I know, but I cannot speak to those since I am only me. These are the ones I see and feel the most.

The most blatant portrayal is the vilified Commercial Christmas. The idea that there is an ideal Christmas where you have the perfect turkey dinner and Christmas tree and decorations and moments and presents for your loved ones. All of which that can be supplied with just the right tools and services for the right price. It's easy to see it's presence and to mock. Some people love the spectacle and bombast of the season because it highlights wonder and awe. Undoubtedly, the forced buying of presents for others does not really make sense in the religious context, but there is a sense of some kind of magic in the music and decorations that tries real hard to sell magic. Spoiler alert, it's just shiny noise.

Another prominent portrayal is the obvious religious context of Christmas. It's the story about the Son of God coming to earth to help show humanity the way to live a life that is fundamentally one that brings peace, justice, and love. That hope is not lost yet. For the wider North American culture, this time highlights the best aspects of the Christian philosophy where those who are in need are elevated and are to be cared for. However, it is obvious that as Christianity slowly loses it influence over North American culture, that this portrayal takes more of a backseat. Instead, it seems like the idea that declaring your affiliation with Christianity by demanding that "Merry Christmas" be said over "Happy Holidays" is the extent of the spiritual nature of the season.

The third portrayal of Christmas is the super popular family Christmas. This is the Christmas that is universally loved by North America. Even Christians soak their Christmas in the importance of family Christmas. Movies love family Christmas. The writers, directors, and performers love family Christmas because it highlights the best parts about being a human. They try to push their message through the noise of commercial Christmas. From a secular point of view, family Christmas is the ideal Christmas. Family Christmas highlights the idea that we should spend time, energy, and money on those we care about to show how much they matter to us.

This brings me back to my first paragraph. Christmas has always been a weird time for me throughout my life even though I have always wanted the best parts of the three kinds of Christmases.

In my younger days, Christmas was portrayed as religious day. It had to be. Our family could not afford Commercial Christmas. The house we rented we rented was too small to put up a tree in. So we had to put our gifts in a small pile and place one of our aloe vera plants (the pot of which was actually a used ice cream pail) on top. The presents were never in the realm of what the other kids from schoool got. They'd talk about getting the new video games or expensive sports equipment or whatever they as individuals treasured as I would get small gifts.

I knew Santa wasn't real because I never got a gift from him. Perhaps it stemmed from a belief system, but it makes much more sense that it was a financial reason that trumped any other consideration.

I remember that as a 10 year old, that I was aware of our financial situation to the degree that I braced myself going into Christmas Eve (when my family opened presents) by reminding myself that I was not likely to get what I wanted. That year really tested my resolve because out of my four gifts, three of them were clearly in boxes. The best gifts were always in boxes. If you picked up a package and it was soft, those were garbage gifts. What was I? A 36-year old man in need of socks? NO! I was kid that didn't have that awesome Legend of Zelda game.

With 3 boxed gifts, it was hard to not imagine that at least one would be something awesome.

I remember, though, thinking that I still needed to keep my expectations in line. I knew that we didn't have a lot of money. The evidence was everywhere.

However, the wonder that Commercial Christmas loves to draw out is hard to resist. I opened my Aunt Doris' gift first because she normally gave me shirts or socks and I figured that she might repeat herself. The worst kind of gifts for kids to be honest is shirts or socks. This year, though, she gave me a jigsaw puzzle. Honestly, for Aunt Doris, that was like her hitting a home run. Amazing Aunt Doris gift. I understand how a 70 year old woman would not know what to get a 10 year old. So a jigsaw puzzle for a kid that liked using his brain was a pretty alright gift. Arguably her best.

Then I moved to my mom. Mom and I never really vibed, so I also had low expectations. That's why I opened hers next. It was also a jigsaw puzzle. Now, you might think that that would be a disappointing gift after Aunt Doris. And it was. A little bit. But honestly, this was also a step up for mom.

Besides, next was dad's boxed gift. That had all the potential. Boxed gift? Dad? Those two factors greatly increased my chances of getting my filthy hands on that wondrous adventure of saving Princess Zelda.

Little did I realize that after I opened mom's gift, my dad was very concerned.

I opened dad's gift. It was another a jigsaw puzzle. I was shattered. I maintained my composure. But my wonder in the idea that maybe I would get the thing I wanted evaporated.

I would be remiss if I did not mention my brother in this story. His gift was the fourth one that Christmas. The reason I opened it last was not that I thought it would be the best, but rather that his wrapping job was something to be desired and it was clear that what he gave me was a thing that he made in industrial arts class that looks like it took its design philosophy from Homer Simpson's car design. If you have no idea what I am referring to, just know that I was bad.

After opening the presents, I gathered them up, feeling so guilty. Because I knew my family gave me the best presents they could. They just couldn't give me what Commercial Christmas was selling.

Before I move on to my next point, I should point out that I did receive my beloved Zelda game. In 1998, when the one of the most anticipated Zelda games of all time ("Legend Zelda: Ocarina of Time") came out in November, I opened it that Christmas. That was the first Christmas without dad, so mom really swung for the fences that year. To her credit, she got me what has been my most favourite gift of all time.

Also, I should point out that I am not good at giving presents. As much as I am complaining about others' gifts to me, my gifts have been usually lacklustre.

The point of this story is pointing to how the capitalist ideal of getting the perfect gift for yourself or for others soured those Christmases of my youth. And I had it good.

This is why quietly and slowly, my appreciation for the spiritual significance of Christmas grew. As a kid, spirituality takes time. It has to soak in. It has be realized on an individualized level. You don't pick up an appreciation because your parents tell you what you need to believe or why faith is beautiful.

However, as my family's financial situation disintegrated the falsehood and destructive nature of Commercial Christmas, my appreciation for the simplistic and vulnerable story of the nativity grew.

I liked getting up at 5am to go to the Christmas morning church service called "Julotta" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julotta). It's the simple metaphor of the darkness of the world being overcome by hope as symbolized by the literal rising of the sun which is perfect for a young adult's brain to wrap around. We'd have a moment in the service that had us standing in a circle with lit candles and singing Christmas hymns. The only light we'd have would be the small flickers of flame and the slow, encompassing light of the dawn that would slowly, but inevitably, flood in through the eastern windows.

Those were some very good Christmases.

I'm going to pivot to talk about Family Christmas. Arguably the most sacred (from a North American culture perspective) kind of Christmas. You go to visit family and spend time with them and participate in those traditions as determined by the unique make up of the given family. This is a time to hopefully strengthen bonds within the family.

I have witnessed several different kinds of family Christmases. Aside from my own family, I have also seen the small collection of the various Christmases of my ex-wife's family, assorted families from different churches I've attended, and those of friends both Christian and atheist.

I know there are people out there who have witnessed more varieties of Christmas than me, but I also know that there are those who have witnessed less.

It is interesting to see so many improvisations on a core idea. There's a meal. There's family. There's gifts. Sometimes, there's prayers and Bible stories. Sometimes there's booze. Sometimes both. The order is different family to family. The rules are different family to family.

The thing that is universal?

Everyone is a little uncomfortable. At least to degrees.

For me, the family aspect of Christmas has been a bit of alienating factor.

In my own family, it was tied in with the gifts of trying to discern what an individual would want. Especially as I grew older and I realized it was essentially a series of contests testing how well you know them versus how well they know you. That's right, I just took another pot shot at Commercial Christmas in the midst of my critique of Family Christmas. Because although I am trying to offer a fresh take on Christmas, Commercial Christmas is, and always will be, the thing that actively destroys the spirit of Christmas. Scrooge is not the worst character in all of the Christmas stories, it is Kirk Cameron in "Saving Christmas".

Family Christmas is admittedly very nice.

If the circumstance happens to work.

If you happen to have a family to start. If you don't have one, Family Christmas hurts far more than Commercial Christmas. Many of you were probably expecting to hear that from the orphan.

It also expands and is worse for individuals whose families reject them for their sexuality or gender identity or mental health issues or addiction issues. Imagine being pushed away by those individuals who are supposed to be on your side during the time of year that culture declares louder than capitalist messages that "Family is the most important thing!"

I can't speak to those other issues.

But I can speak to being without my own physical family.

This was the first year where I was able to articulate to myself why I always feel uncomfortable at other families' Christmases. It's not that the families were not welcoming. It was never that. The people that have invited me over the years have made it very evident that they care for me and that they love me. I have never gotten the sense that they feel obligated.

I do sense the genuine desire of these families to share love with people. I will always be grateful and if I would be in their position, I would ideally be like them in bringing in people and share what I believe to be an important joy of the season.

I want to take a brief moment to underline how difficult this is for me to write about this topic. I never want people to think individuals in a position similar to mine are ungrateful or that it is better to not invite people like me to a Christmas gathering. This whole post is trying to dig into why Christmas is good. To tip the bit, I am saying that just like a Christmas that is centred around Commercialism is not good, neither is one that is centred around Family.

Where the ideallic Family Christmas fails is in the simple fact it cannot be universal. Even as I am welcomed into various spaces and given food and share in wonderful conversation, the feeling that that I am not a part of this family but rather an outsider that has been invited in is unavoidable.
As I witness family interact in the most emotionally vulnerable and open event of the North American calendar, I can't help think about my family. Or lack thereof. Seeing kids gather at the feet of the family leader as they read them the Christmas story seems like a dream taunted in front of me. Seeing a father or mother selflessly make and serve food to their family is hard. It goes on as Family Christmas is a series of traditions held up by a group of people that I happen to visit.

These kind of Christmases are hard because I am outside of it.

The ideal of Family Christmas is great when you have a good, supportive family. If you don't for whatever reason, that ideal is particularly poisonous turning what I think is a potentially rejuvenating time into a hard punch to the spiritual gut.

Now, that I've attacked the other two, it would seem that Christian Christmas is clearly the winner especially for someone like myself who identifies as a Christian. I even had a foreshadow with the whole reference to Julotta!

Well, I'm going to go and turn full Last Jedi on this and dismiss your expectations. That last sentence is very nerdy in two very different ways (in regards to Christianity and Star Wars) and I will try to explain myself to those who don't understand what I'm getting at.

As I've grown older in and have witnessed the impact of American politics on North American Christianity in a broad sense, it hurts as someone who loves the words of Christ. Especially with the undying support of Donald Trump within the evangelical Christian community. This is not meant to be a political post and I won't spend much time here, but it is undeniable how much poison Trump has injected into the North American Christian worldview.

It is hard enough with the warhawk position that America holds throughout most presidencies, but Trump amps up so many disconcerting aspects of American culture that I feel the Christianity of Jesus is being lost in North America and many Christians may not realize it. It seems like if someone perfectly reiterated what Jesus would want, Evangelical Christians would be the first to crucify them.

Backing off the specificality of Trumpian Christianity and coming back to Christmas, the troubling example is the demand that we say "Merry Christmas" over "Happy Holidays" like "Happy Holidays" is blasphemous.

Why it troubles me, is because it seems to miss the heart of Christ. I can't see Jesus getting angry at some retail clerk for saying "Happy Holidays".

Two reasons. First is that Jesus is about inclusion, especially to those who intend good towards others regardless of their belief. The second being that Christmas doesn't happen until December 25th. Before the 25th is Advent, which is a different season of the Christian calendar from Christmas. It would be more appropriate to say "Happy Holidays" to someone before December 25th because it is not Christmas and "Holiday" literally means "Holy day". So regardless of whether you're an atheist or a believer in a different religion or a hardcore Christian, "Happy Holidays" before December 25th is totally appropriate and more accurate. Bonus for those Christians who want to take Jesus' words to heart, you are welcoming all people by saying "Happy Holidays".

To me, that small thing is the perfect example of how Christianity in North America is missing the point.

Christians don't seem to have a problem with a President claiming to be a Christian and yet separating children from their families.

There is so much more, but it would be ridiculous for me to list everthing that a Christian should probably have a problem with the crass, business elite that dominates North American politics but somehow the North American Christianity simply does not.

Boiled down, it seems like Christians have sided with Herod over Mary and Joseph.

At this point, I have cast down the three prominent portrayals of Christmas. The Commercial. The Family. The Christian.

Clearly, I must hate Christmas.

Right?

No.

In fact, I love Christmas more than any other time in my life.

And the main reason is Advent.

Advent is fundamentally important in appreciating Christmas.

Advent has saved Christmas and Christ for me. It definitely was not the moneychanger that is Kirk Cameron. (I know I'm dunking on him a lot and not explaining myself but look, I have to take the precious attention you've given to me and keep this post moving. Maybe I can explain later.)

Advent in the Christian calendar is the four Sundays before Christmas. Advent in the Northern Hemisphere literally takes place in the darkest time of the year. Both literally and figuratively, Advent contemplates the darkness of the world and how is seems to get darker but also how we are to have hope. We are to look towards the hope that the Messiah comes and makes things right.

That no matter how dark things get, all is not lost.

Advent emboldens us to resolutely hold onto the idea that hope, joy, peace, and love are not dead.

It may be dark, but we are not done.

Then, when Christmas Day arrives, which is a day of the week that shifts every year because it is unpredictable when things can change, the world does change. It is less dark than the day before. Days get brighter.

It's a beautiful metaphor.

The story of Christmas and the story of Christ reminds me that God is on the side of those who are less fortunate. The poor. The unfairly imprisoned. The underdogs.

All of this reflection has led me to this conclusion.

I reject the flashy consumerism of the Commercial Christmas. (Although that's an easy one to dunk on.)

I reject the priveleged idea that family is what is important at Christmas, as good of a thing as it maybe. (Also, by the way, go see your family while you have them! Of course, go visit them! Unless, they don't welcome you for who you are, then come look me up and we'll get Chinese food on Christmas day)

I reject the Christian imperialism that comforts the rich and the powerful and that has undermined the vital power of the upside down kingdom where the last shall be first and the first shall be last. Instead, I embrace the holy and welcoming statement of Christ found in Advent that is "Happy Holidays!"

This Christmas and every Christmas after, I look forward to the coming of the Christ that upsets the status quo which I see a little bit day by day. I look forward to the new heaven and the new earth where the words of Jesus remind us: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

"How silently, how silently
The wondrous Gift is given!
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of His heaven
No ear may hear His coming
But in this world of sin
Where meek souls will receive Him still
- "O Little Town of Bethlehem"

Filliam Crowe Does Not Fit In

As I am writing this, I have a Christian audience in mind, but I really do hope that those who do not ascribe to the Christian faith may find encouragement and support.

Filliam Crowe is a simple man. He is a man out of time, with a look that he thinks is nice, but is out of date. He doesn’t own a cell phone, likely still has dial up for a computer he thought was pretty snazzy desktop from a garage sale. Pentiums are pretty good computers, he hears. He is not the smartest man, but he tries his best to explore and be vulnerable in a world he doesn’t fit into that well.

He is kind and has good intentions, but his clumsy nature gets him into all sorts of troubles. Troubles that can mount far beyond what he can handle.

What I appreciate about the character of Filliam is that no matter how dire it gets, he pushes on and never stops trying to remedy the situation he finds himself in and in the process is never one who harms people along the way.

A lot of the quagmires of Filliam finds himself are ones where he creates them himself but they are never ones that aim to harm people. He is a good natured man that does his best to see the good, encourage the good, and share the good.

Distilled down, Filliam Crowe is a man I want to be. I would rather be a man that bumbles and fumbles his way through spectacular failure on his way to creating a world more lovely than it was.

However, the world is not for the Filliam Crowe’s of the world.

Life is messy, dark, hard, and complicated.

It rewards people who do not care about the consequences that their actions may have on others. Filliam Crowe is a man that is does not function well in the real world and that is what makes him a comedic character. However, if I were ever in the position where people ridicule me and think I am a joke but I get to choose what kind of joke I am, I choose the joke to be that I am Filliam Crowe.

It only seems fitting that this is the Fringe where I introduce the world to the character of Filliam  as I find myself in a position where it can feel like I am being overwhelmed in a manner not unlike Filliam.

This may very well be the most difficult Fringe I have ever walked into. Aside from a rough go financially at the Winnipeg Fringe and the fact that “The Splendiferous Quagmires of Mr Filliam Crowe” is one of the most challenging creative endeavours I have ever taken on (I mean, an improvised physical comedy with no talking and no props is a stacked challenge), I have to deal with a situation that is deeply troubling for me as both a performer and a Christian.

Before I get to that, I need to give you context. I feel like I am stuck between two worlds. Sometimes I feel like I’m religious for my theatre community and yet too heretical for my Christian community. I have thoughts and ideas that I have learned from my two communities that would be so beneficial for the other side, but I sometimes feel like I cannot offer them because they are not welcomed. Whether or not that it is true, I do not know, but that is how I feel.

For the last few years, I have been the president of Sorry, Not Sorry Productions, an improv theatre company that I am proud to be a part of and beyond that to be considered their leader is an immense honour.

My focus has been on creating community and care for each other in the company. It always hurts my heart to see a break down between people and I always seek to repair the situation. Even if it seems impossible. Even when it’s unpopular. However, what I’ve learned in this role, as well as being a leader in church situations that a situation may not be repaired immediately. Maybe not ever.

As a Christian, you should desire the best outcome for everyone, including those who would be considered your enemy. However, you must always ultimately side with those who are mistreated, abused, or downtrodden. The God of Heaven is a God of the Upside Down Kingdom. Where those who are mistreated in this world, are held up in the other.

The situation I have been presented with is one where a person of Edmonton convicted of possessing child pornography two years ago has written a show for the Edmonton Fringe Festival and a local church has supported him and produced this particular show. A festival that my company is a part of. The man’s conviction has been one that has distinctly impacted people who have survived sexual abuse, assault, exploitation. Some of my people had interactions with him before they knew of his transgressions who now have their positive memories (due to his presences as a role model in the theatre community) poisoned by the revelation.

So what is a person like myself to do in this situation?

I am the leader of this group with folks who are deeply (and rightfully) distressed that they are sharing a platform with a man who has distinctly violated the trust of the Edmonton theatre community. I am also a man who believes in the risen Christ who redeems and also makes things right.

What am I to do as a man who is a Christian in a position of leadership in a secular theatrical group?

The answer that was clear to me was that those who are the downtrodden, abused, and mistreated in this world, but yet are justified in the Upside Down kingdom, are the ones that I, as a follower of Christ, should support. They may be mistreated here, but they are protected, restored, and loved in the Upside Down kingdom.

I have been called sanctimonious, despicable and a proponent of McCarthy-like censorship due my response in defending Sorry, Not Sorry’s position that it believes that the man’s show should be not be allowed to be a part of the Edmonton Fringe Festival.

I would like to reiterate, like I did in my interview, that I do not claim to speak for the whole of the Edmonton theatre community or the Edmonton Fringe. I claim to speak on behalf of a group called “Sorry, Not Sorry” who is inside the wider community. It is our right to decry the idea of this show going forward under the banner of the wider Edmonton theatre community due to idea that it makes us, as a group, uncomfortable that one who is convicted of child pornography is sharing our platform. Whether or not others join us or the Edmonton Fringe agrees with us is their decisions. Survivors of sexual violence, abuse, and exploitation need to be supported more than one convicted of a crime that contributes to these violations.

So, what of the man? What do I believe, as a grace-forward Christian, do with a man such as this? A man who has apparently joined with a church who has supported and guided him? A man who may have repented of his ways? A man, and his community, that has pointed to his faith as an option for everyone else to forget his transgressions?

I now need to turn to my understanding of the Christian faith.

The answer for me personally, as a Christian, is that even a sin that may be forgiven by the Lord, does not necessarily mean it should be forgiven in the eyes of the people to the point that the transgressor gets to do everything they used to be able to do. King David was denied the privilege of building the holy temple of God due to the blood he shed in the wars he waged. The Lord proclaimed that it is not right that David should build the temple due to his actions. And David accepted this.

In the same way, maybe David Belke, like his first names’ sake, has to relinquish the idea that he is allowed a voice in the realm of the Edmonton theatre community.

If the church that supports him wants to put on his play because they fully support his return to being a member that has influence on that community, that is their decision to make, but that is not enough to give him the capacity to speak into the wider Edmonton theatre community. This is of course the opinion of one man as a part of a theatre company that supports him inside the wider Edmonton theatre community. However, I know that I and Sorry, Not Sorry Productions are not the only ones. that feel that David Belke’s social debt is paid.

His debt according to the law may be paid, but his social debt to the Edmonton theatre community is not paid in my personal view and he should not be allowed back to the space yet.

So, when can David Belke pay back his social debt? I do not know. Honestly, it may never be paid back. However, if a specific community wants to support Belke’s show, then it will go forward with that support. As a member of the Edmonton theatre community, myself and Sorry, Not Sorry Productions do not, at this time, support Belke’s voice to one that is heard, especially when there are so many marginalized voices struggling to be heard who have not supported an industry such as child pornography.

And this is where, I, as David Rae, the human, wants to speak in a pastoral way. I really hope for redemption for Mr. Belke. I hope he is able to build up others. I hope he is able to be better. I pray for these things. But I fore mostly pray for the healing, restoration, and elevation of those who have been hurt and abused.

May the Upside Down kingdom of Christ be realized where those who are taken advantage of or abused are those who are given prominence and protection and find full restoration. May those who truly repent and leave behind their past and seek redemption find it even if it means they leave behind their prominence.

May those who seek to make this world better find strength.

May those who feel overwhelmed feel supported.

May those who feel like all hope is lost, find not hope but rather full restoration.

May those who hurt find healing.

May those wronged find justice.

May we open up the world to be a place where the Filliam Crowes of our world who live in awe, wonder, and love thrive, overcome and break down the awful traps that destroy people.

P.S. Sorry, Not Sorry Productions is facing an increase in angry rhetoric due to the words I have said in response to this situation in the theatre community and it would be appreciated if you show support by giving us a great review on Facebook or if you come out to our shows at the Edmonton Fringe. The three shows are “The Splendiferous Quagmires of Mr. Filliam Crowe”, “yegDND”, and “Agent Thunder”.