Lost in Thought: "The End"

Today I picked up "LOST: The Complete Collection" which included all six seasons in one package along with many other nifty extras. Normally, I wouldn't just pick up the entire collection when I already have 5 out of the 6 seasons already, but this was different. LOST really is an entire collection and now that I have seen the show, I can appreciate the entirety of the show. It was truly worth the investment of time and money into one of the most thought-provoking hours of television.

This is as good as any time to do a review of the show as any. I was away from my home computer and was not able to type out a review before, but I have just finished watching the special features of the final season (along with the last twenty minutes of the last episode) and now LOST is once again racing through my mind.

As silly as it is to admit, I have to say that the LOST finale was one of the things that actually impacted me this summer (along with many more important events) and as I watched the cast and crew review the creation of the last season, I was brought to tears and contemplated matters of my own life once more. I think the main reason that this show has hit me as hard as it has is the fact that this show focuses on the nature of humanity. Mind you, many movies, TV shows and books do that, but it may be one of the few that deals with the state of spirituality in the modern era.

When I was talking with Pastor Arden from Nelson (where I will be heading in just over a month), he pointed out that LOST highlights the need of spirituality that modern North American culture yearns for but has been disenfranchised with due to bad experiences with religion or unfamiliar with due to a lack of experience with religion. LOST is a summary of North American spirituality. Even though Lost is not a Christian show, it clearly tackles the same issue that Christianity (along with other world religions) addresses.

I know that many people were disappointed with the apparent lack of answers to many questions, I still feel that at the end of the show, all the major questions I had were addressed. Sure, there are many that were left hanging, but to go out of the way to answer it would have been answering it for the sake of answering it and thus taking away from the major narrative of the story. Although, a few of those questions were addressed in a special 10 minute segment made for the DVD. However, it would have been strangely out of place had they put those into the finale itself or really into the final season at all. For the sake of those who care to check it out, they talk about questions like "What was the deal with the palette drops in season 2?" or "What was so special about Walt?" It was interesting, but not necessary. Especially after watching the other special features and being again reminded of what that show was.

Lost had two major themes that came through out the show and that was the idea of community and redemption.

In season one the castaways were faced with a dire situation and they were deciding how to deal with things and it was pretty chaotic. It was at this point that Jack stepped forward and talked about how people needed to band together if they were to survive.

"Last week most of us were strangers. But we're all here now. And God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone"

With that line, one of the foundations of the show was laid. Live together or die alone. There was multiple times in making the movie trailers throughout the summer that I referenced that idea and I even named one of my speeches at the Kootenay camp "Live Together or Die Alone". The flash sideways was used to underscore that main tenet of the show. Whatever happens in the after life, we are going to be facing it together. One of the thoughts I have had about death is that when we go to face our judgment, it is not going to be me facing God, but rather us as a humanity and it will be our ability to live as a people who took care of each like God commanded us that will be judged. God knows that we are not doing that now and it will have to be on the mercy of Jesus Christ that we are forgiven for failing as a humanity.

I think that we should not be simply concerned with our own personal redemption, but rather the redemption of humanity. It puts a different spin on why we do good works. It means that we do good works, not for the sake of salvation, but rather as an avenue to aid our fellow humanity who we are ultimately going to be linked with in the afterlife.

The other major theme is redemption which I have already touched on, but it specifically about how no matter our situation and background, we are capable of being redeemed. No one is beyond redemption and it is up to us to embrace that change in character. In the show, we have a group of people who are flawed, but in the situation they find themselves in on the island, they are brought to a place where they can find redemption and become the hero archtype that should be outside of their grasp.

In the same way, humanity are faced with situations and people who stand in their way and it is possible for a person to rise above and become the enlightened hero. We may not have to face a foe as powerful as Darth Vader, but like the characters in Lost, we may face people like a boss that bullies us or an impossible standard put before us by our father and our redemption and evolution into a person of a heroic archtype is found in the trials of our character along with the support of the community.

In the end, what I walk away with at the end of Lost is that people can be redeemed and that it is found through the power of the good community. Of course, I would submit that it also requires the pursuit of goodness that is found at the core of teachings of Jesus, but for a network television series to actually address anything of spiritual significance and in a profound way is amazing.

One of the reasons the ending of the show has impacted me as much as it did this summer was the imagery it used in the flash sideways. The idea that people would find each other in the afterlife before they move onto their final destination was fascinating. I was thinking about what would my flash sideways look like and I have a feeling that it would look like camp. A camp where the people significant would gather and it would be around the camp fire where we'd realize the significance of each other in each others lives. I can imagine some people would be around that fire and it is such an interesting exercise.

So my question to you is: Who would be in your flash sideways and what would it look like for you?

For me, Lost was a fantastic show that dealt with issues rarely touched by television and actually got me thinking inwardly as to where am I in the whole scheme of things and that is something I can't say for a lot of things. Kudos to the cast and crew to making one of the best shows on television.

(It kills me to quote a Creed song, but alas, the song fits perfect)

"Why hold down one to raise another?
Discrimination now on both sides
Seeds of hate blossom further
The world is heading for mutiny
When all we want is unity
We may rise and fall, but in the end
We meet our fate together"
- Creed's "One" from their album "My Own Prison"

Day Four: Magical Mystery Tour

I have just settled into the apartment of my good friends, Aaron and Caitlin. I spent the day travelling. I always thought it would be a fairly straight forward matter to go from Victoria to Vancouver. You know, jump on the ferry and ta-da! You're there. Apparently, it takes a 45 minute bus ride to catch the ferry which takes an hour and a half to get to the other side at which point you ride another bus for another 45 minutes and then finally ride the sky train for another ... twenty, thirty minutes? I don't really know. Time just kind of blurred away.

After I said good-bye to Bryan as he turned around and reboarded the ferry back to Victoria, I put in my music which I figured should be Matthew Good's new album called "Vancouver". I felt it was appropriate. Besides, I hadn't really listened to the album too much since I bought it and if I were to listen to an album on repeat, this only made sense. I really liked it. Many of the songs I enjoy like "Last Parade", "The Boy Who Could Explode", "Us Remains Impossible" and "Fought to Fight It". It's interesting to travel into the city listening to an album about it through the lens of someone else. You start to get a sense of what he sees in it.

It's funny, I haven't really listened to an album straight through too often since I first bought an iPod. I mean there have been exceptions like when I bought "Backspacer" or Nirvana's "Live at Reading" or Good's previous album "Hospital Music". I usually don't buy a lot of albums any more usually because I don't want to risk money on songs I don't know. Before digital media came along, you never really had that option, but here we are.

The whole experience reminds me of when I was in high school when I came to Winnipeg for one of the first times in my life to do work experience at the Manitoba Theatre for Young People and all I had for a CD with me was Collective Soul's self-titled album. I listened to that on repeat for the whole week. I remember how the song "Smashing Young Man" was my inspiration and how many of the other songs resonated with me at that time.

One of the first albums I was ever given was a Jars of Clay CD and I don't remember which one, but I think I may have liked one song off of it and that was all. Meanwhile, one of my friends gave me (by throwing it at my head) Green Day's "Dookie" and since it was free, I listened to it. I had never heard anything that talked about something different than happy go lucky Jesus and this spoke to things I identified with. I mean, now, I'm not in that place anymore, but at the time, it was eye-opening.

Christian music has rarely impacted me as much as secular music, although one could easily argue that Collective Soul's music is pretty consistently spiritual, it is never overtly a specific religion. I find a lot of Christian music to be fairly one-dimensional. Maybe occasionally two-dimensional. It always feels a little ... shallow? Is that what I want to say? I suppose that is my problem with always coming from a Christian perspective. Everything feels a little white-washed and shiny. That it never admits the full range of human experience.

It seems to me that to have a full understanding of what it means to be human, you have to see the other side. You get to see it when you spend time with the homeless or the poor or the forgotten. You get to see it when you see someone face the dark shadows of life without some hope in a loving God. It is the same thing as how people that dwell in the dark matter have to listen to something positive in order to get a better understanding.

For me, I see it when I listen to music. These artists are sharing their more intimate thoughts in song form. I like music for that reason and specifically lyrics. There are words, but they are poetic. They convey a feeling versus other literature that usually explain everything. Music has a simple way of expressing the heart of the artist while still presenting words which I can somewhat follow. I don't necessarily agree with the artist, but I can identify with them and understand my world a little better and where other people come from.

I've had other many experiences and good conversations along the way, but this was the first one to be written on the screen. I gotta go crash now so I can go explore tomorrow.

"On a night like tonight

When no ones around

I sit in the dark on my hands on the ground

And I smile like the devil smiles

Unseen but proud

Truth be told I don't know who's at the helm

Just sit tight

I'll make my way to you"

- "On Nights Like Tonight" from Matthew Good's album "Vancouver"

You Are Not a Beautiful Snowflake

I was at Bible study last night with some folks and we were talking about calling and purpose and what's the difference. It was essentially us trying figure out the semantics and use of the words inside the Christian context. However, the discussion touched on many ideas that revolve what is a person's role in this world and it happened to touch on the idea of special.

I think the idea of special is one that really bothers me because I think it is one that has really penetrated our society and collective philosophy. I grew up in school being told that everyone is special and that I was apart of a generation that could change the world. I think the last part of that is funny, because that is innate to every generation. Anyway, I have never liked that word of special because it is used too liberally and has negatively impacted my generation and the ones that follow, especially when people were using it, they usually were intending the word uniqueness.

I believe that everyone is their own person and have their own thoughts and have their own path even if it does parallel several others. They are given a different environment with different family situations and different towns and schools. People from all over the world might make similar choices to you, but there are so many aspects to a person's being, character, history, thought process and perspective that they are their own.

Special on the other hand implies that you have something that is above and beyond everybody else. Whether it is some special talent or skill that rises above all the rest or that you have been given an earth shaking responsibility that could change the world. That is what special is. It is interesting because people use the terms unique and special interchangeably which has deceived many people think that they are some bright shining star high above all the rest. Look at American Idol and the continual parade of delusion that trots out their underdeveloped or simply non-existent skill or talent. These people are shocked to have learned 20 years too late that they are not gifted singers and that clearly the tuned ears of professionals are the ones that are mistaken. They have come to believe that their secret talent is what's going to rescue them from their dull lives and bring them the celebrity life that they deserve because they are special.

Look at movies. They do not help at all. Aside from the movie "Fame", most of those coming of age movies have some young protagonist who wants to pursue their dream of being the world's greatest musician/filmmaker/Rolling Stone article writer and they endure the trials of their career choice despite the objections of their parents or what all those mentors have to say and eventually they make it. You never hear of the other 99% of endings to those stories where they realize that they don't have the real discipline, fortune, skill or talent to actually make that dream become a reality and they are left in a wasteland of disillusionment of who they have determined themselves to be.

Even if a person doesn't actually pursue their dream, they still believe that if they really wanted to, they could make it which is the great deception of people's egos. Seriously, if you asked the guy working at the burger joint that if he really put all his effort into his dream of becoming the next Jimi Hendrix or Jim Morrison or Fred Durst, they would say that yes, they could they just don't want the lifestyle or to buckle down and do it or whatever other reason. They realize it would take work and time, but they frequently believe that they could if given time, money, and resources because they know they have some special gift or message for the world. The reality way more often than not that no you couldn't.

It has crept into our North American thought so much, that it even creeps into our theology. We believe that God has some special plan just for us and we have to be primarily concerned with determining what that is. People hold back until they hear that magic voice that commands them to go forth and do whatever God says. The reality is that God does have a call on our lives, but it is way more basic than people wish. Love God and love others. That is it. Now, there may be some that get some grand task given to them from on high, but chances are that that person is not you or me. We have been given a sphere of influence and that is what we are responsible for. We are meant to reach out to those that we can love and influence. We are not going to save the world. You are not Moses. You are not Solomon. You are not John. You definitely are not Jesus. Most likely, you're not one of the people mentioned in the genealogies. You are not a beautiful snowflake. Ok, that one was maybe a little harsh. But it's that kind of message that is drowned out by so much of the media and culture that surrounds us. We are being coddled and not pushed.

Here's the thing. We are unique, just (most likely) not special. At least special on a cosmic scale. However, we are special to some people. I think of my friends as special people because I have a relationship with them. I can see that divine spark in them. I have different bonds with different people. When you are in love, you have a special connection to that person you're in love with. And you're special to them. The rest of the world could disappear, but if you're with the one you love, then it's ok.

Don't bother with thinking that you are special, because you are setting yourself up for a grand disappointment. If God has some special plan for you, He'll make sure you know. In the mean time, reach out to those around you. Find the divine spark in them. Make them special to you.

"You know what you are

You're gonna be a star

Wing is written on your feet

Your achilles heel is a tendency to dream

But you've know that from the beginning

You didn't have to go so far

You didn't have to go."

- "All the Way to Reno" from R.E.M.'s album "Reveal"

Consequences

I have come to discover that I learn best in the presence of others when I am having to explain myself. I had a conversation earlier this week that has given me something to chew on that I haven't thought about since a theology class that I took over six years ago. It's stuck out for me through out my week in other places.

It was the idea of consequences and how it is vital for our humanity to have consequences. Now pardon me for the next example because it is a little long-winded. People complain that we have late fees at Roger's (although they are nominal and drastically less than they used to be several years ago). Some claim that we are nickel and dime-ing them or if they do have fees they want them reduced. They think that we have them in place simply because we have the opportunity to steal away an extra buck or two. It's a very short-sighted thought. I mean, yes, we are losing money that we could be getting if the movie you had out was returned (and how dare we want to make some money), but it has to do the necessity of enforcing a consequence. If there was no penalty at all for not returning a movie, why you return it? You wouldn't. In addition if we want to have enough copies so that everyone who comes into the store to rent a given title can, then we want copies to come back. The late fee gets people to bring it back otherwise people would be perpetually complaining how we don't have enough copies. We surely wouldn't pay for enough copies for everyone who wanted to rent it because that means each copy would be rented just once. Then we've lost money on each copy. And after a while we are out of business and suddenly no one can rent any movie. So we have to get enough copies that finds the balance of allowing as many people to rent it as possible while depending on each copy renting enough so that it pays for itself and the business can continue. So a late fee (or at least the presence of a consequence) means more copies come back more often so that more people can see the same movie. I know for a lot of people this is all common sense and unnecessary for me to explain, but I'm making a point. We need that consequence of a penalty to make things function but a lot of people forget that. The funny thing about that is that the same people who complain about late fees are the same who complain that there are not enough copies to rent because other people didn't bring back on time.

I was thinking about this idea of consequences after watching the movie "Gamer" (which I would not recommend to people who dislike violence and an over abundance of nudity). In this world, they have a couple of games where players at home could take control of another person and have full control of their actions making them do whatever the player desired. One of which is a literal fight to the death where the people being controlled are death row inmates and the players are people who want to play a game. The other is a "Sims"-esque game called "Society" where the player interacts with other players via the people they control. What made this concept to me interesting is that it highlighted the need for consequence. The players, since there was absolutely no ramifications for them personally, would make their avatar do whatever they wanted and makes it a place full of soulless hedonistic activities. The avatar, who is a real person, had to take the brunt of the consequence to their player's decision.

Obviously it's not like that in our games presently because we are controlling animated non-entities as opposed to real people, but it allows people to have reckless abandon in a pseudo-world and not suffer consequences. Games that have this sandbox approach always have to put into the game as many things as possible for the player to do such as deciding to help protect a town or turnaround and blow it up. However, the only consequence to the action is minor, because the game's story cannot proceed if the character is in jail forever because he just murdered a bunch of innocent people. It lacks the need for wise choices in the game, because you will respawn or can reload on a whim.

Now, I am not saying that video games are bad, but it's one of those things that pull people away from living in a world of consequence (although I suppose the consequence would be not impressing the girls). There are many things that pull us away from putting ourselves on the line. There is also the anonymity of the internet, where vile, hurtful comments can be tossed around in the shroud of terrible made up names like "cougarhunter_34" or "f@bugrrl02" and then disappear into the night, putting the consequence of your action purely on the target of the comment. You have dating sites where you can browse profiles and pictures anonymously and say what you want about yourself without actually putting yourself on the line.

A life filled with no real tangible consequence may allow us to avoid punishment or pain, but it also lacks true joy and love. If I had a sandwich and I was also got a deal and got a second for free and then gave it to someone, it would be considered a nice gesture, but there is no real consequence. Contrast that with you giving up the only sandwich you had. One has sacrifice involved. True compassion is reflected in the gift from sacrifice, not in the gift from convenience.

People tend to shy away from facing consequences to their actions, but it is what allows us to function in community, it gives meaning to our free will, it allows us to enjoy life fully and love more deeply. Unfortunately, it also means that comes paired with being responsible for our actions and being vulnerable to pain.

As hard as it is love people after you've been hurt deeply, it is much better to love recklessly and generously than it is not try to love at all.

"The man in the silk suit hurries by

As he catches the poor old lady's eyes

Just for fun he says 'Get a job'

That's just the way it is

Some things will never change

That's just the way it is

But don't you believe them"

- "The Way It Is" by Bruce Hornsby

If Facebook Does Not Go Back to the Way It Was I Am Going to Burn This Mother Down

People on Facebook are funny. For some reason there have been a lot of people who are for some reason upset with the new Facebook layout. Everyday I see in my feed a couple of people signing up for groups like "I Hate the New Facebook!" or "The New Layout of Facebook is Making Me Mad! Poo!" or "If Facebook Does Not Go Back to the Way It Was I Am Going to Burn This Mother Down!" That last one is probably the most confusing because why would you burn the building you're in down because of something intangible on the Internet. But then I realized it doesn't need to make sense because these people are upset because of layout. Layout. Not the fact that Facebook has a bunch of your personal information and literally uses it to send targeted advertisements to you. I can see some people getting upset over all the Christian dating site ads and Foo Fighter concert tickets and meeting Christian girls at Foo Fighters concert sites. I can find my own dates thank you very much Internet! Bordering on invasion of privacy is something that I think is something that is ok to get upset over. I mean, just don't sign up. But people who are upset over the layout of your personal information is the problem.

"This website is impossible to navigate now that it's been moderately rearranged how the heck am I supposed to encapsulate my life in a cyberspace bubble on a website if I have to click on a tab every once in a while! Aaargggh!" And then they throw the keyboard across the room and spontaneously transform into their werewolf forms. But don't worry, these werewolves won't literally attack anybody, they spread their virus on Facebook. If you are worried about a social networking site not being conducive to the ultimate experience of your poking, pirate/ninja-battling, chump-biting, anti-new Facebook group joining then you should probably just drop the whole thing and just go and hang out with the people that you use Facebook to avoid actually spend time with. At least pick up a phone and call someone about how you hate the new Facebook and then never use Facebook again. I have this funny suspicion that very few people that have joined these groups actually have vocally expressed their reasons for their hatred of the layout, because if they did do that instead of arbitrarily joining groups and crying about it, then they would actually hear what kind of ludicrous idiocy it is to care about that.

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy...

This past week I had a kind of a bizarre experience. I was reading the paper and I got agitated to the point I wanted to yell out in the middle of the Burger King. I was reading back to back outrageous stories of tragedy. Both of which took place in Manitoba. What the hell?

First off was the news that the good old Westboro church of crazy was going to descend on the funeral of Tim McLean. Who the hell do these people think they are? Spewing such vile, hateful speech about a person they do not even know and taking his memorial as an opportunity to spread their message of crazy and then slapping God's name all over it as a way to justify their homophobia and disrespect for a person that God created. Anyway, I don't want to dwell any more on them, because this is the exact thing that gives them power...damn it.

Secondly, I was then reading the editorial letters of people writing in about the atrocity that happened on that bus and I was appalled even further. Now, I should establish that I clearly believe Vince Li should be locked away from society so as to not harm other people. What he did was terrible and horrific. It is quite evident that he is a disturbed mind who has given way to a violent irrationality. But what caught me off-guard was not that. What got me was the reaction of people to this crime. People want to brutally eviscerate this guy. And the disturbing and ultimately disheartening part of this whole thing is that people who are supposedly rational and good citizens would love to see this guy have his fingers ripped off or some how brutally punished so that he suffers in the most incredible way possible...as long as it was legal. If one of these civilized barbarians was given the opportunity to do whatever they wanted to Vince Li with no legal repercussions then they would unleash the worst possible torture on the guy that they could imagine and feel no remorse. What the hell is that? Can't they see the sickening irony of how these people are not that different than the mentally instable mind they want to utterly want to cut, mangle, burn and the only fucking thing holding them back is the law? They are the thing that they apparently hate with a light smattering of law glazed over the bloodlust. And they are sane. I may not be a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure that Vince Li is crazy, deranged and all that, but the people who want to do the same to him are sane? That is what I find far more disturbing about humanity. That civility is the mask of the worst, hate-filled minds.

Lastly, the situation with the Winnipeg Police in the shooting death of Craig McDougall. The frustrating part of this whole thing is that if an aboriginal armed with a knife doesn't obey an officers orders to drop the weapon and after an attempt to use a tazer on the suspect, the guy still doesn't back down and then the police shoot him that the police is accused of being racist? Even if he was holding a cell phone like some people claim, it doesn't mean that the guy should not have listened to police officers who were telling him to put it down. And then some people claim that the police shouldn't have used such unnecessary force. A gun versus a knife is unfair. So you want the police to go use knives to take down knife-wielding suspects? Or is that too much for law-enforcement? Maybe they should use wiffle bats? "No, that's too much! Have you ever been hit by one? It gives you a nasty headache for like 10 minutes! Police should use candy to take down suspects." That all being said, there should be an inquiry when someone is shot...like they already do.

I wanted to yell in anguish and frustration and anger so badly. I didn't because I didn't to be kicked out of the Burger King. I mean, I wasn't finished with my Whopper yet. Why does the world have to be like this? I guess I will have to crank up the awesome level and try to spread joy and hope more to a humanity in desperate need of healing.

Not That I Would Punch You, But It is an Option I Want to Have at My Disposal

Facebook, WAYN, MySpace, I hate you all. I am tired of being inundated with e-mails whenever a friend or even some guy I met once is suckered into signing up and then an automatic e-mail is sent out. At first I thought it was because they wanted me to sign up to. And so I start filling out forms and making up passwords and I get on there and it is just a waste of time. Because once inside you can "customize" and search through millions of other profiles and bull crap like that. So now I gotta spend more time! And of course trying to find a person I actually know on these things is the equivalent of going into a crowded mall and shouting out the name of your friend, only to find out later that they've changed their name to "crazylittlefunbuns_00219" and now no longer acknowledge their existence. C'mon, you're killing me. Then I go and hang out with people and they are like, "oh, what's your MySpace" or "do you have a SlapHappyPictureTextHollapolooza!"

I technically do have a MySpace, I technically have a WAYN account, and I am about to be tricked into having a PoojeranSlickPeopleCircleMe account, but now I just say that I have a blog. That's it. And then I tell them it's on Blogspot. Then I have to for some reason defend the fact that I like the one blog and do not want to transfer to MySpace despite it's numerous options and gimmicks. I have one gimmick! Getting angry about things and writing about them to people that aren't actually reading the blog! I don't need people to see this. It's cool to be told that it's funny to check out and stuff, but I don't need to be a multi-media presentation. I don't believe that I will become a celebrity because of a stupid blog. I don't expect to meet friends on here. I don't want to. I want to meet real people. People that you would meet on MySpace to me is essentially meeting a fake person, because there is no true interaction. The only fake people I'm interested in meeting are robots! I don't know if cyborgs are included in the fake people category because of the whole half human, half robot thing. But I probably wouldn't want to be friends with a cyborg anyways. I mean, what are you? Robot or human? Make up your mind, we're at war!

Sorry about that. Talk about cyborg and their flip flopping always distracts me. Anyway, how I am supposed to get to know someone through text and pictures? I want to actually interact with others and at least have the option of punching you in the face if the situation warranted it. Not that I would punch you, but it is an option I want to have at my disposal. That is the advantage to talking to someone in person. You have that spontaneity. I don't want to depend on the lousy internet to maintain friendships.

"But you can keep in contact with other people that are far away" some would say and the first thing I have to say to them is how the heck did you sneak your way into writing in my blog! Secondly, e-mail, telephones and to a lesser extent telegrams are all fine methods for messages to far off places. Why do I have to maintain seven website profiles just to connect to people. I'll stick to my Blogspot and my g-mail address thank you very much.

Dukes of Hazzard Are Ruining the Advancement of Society and Possibly Civilization in General

I am a fan of Heroes. I like the angle they've taken with super powers and the people who possess them. They aren't running around in tights and have goofy names. They just try to deal with the powers and their lives like normal. Well, with relative normalacy. I mean, they have to do something important. It would be kind of crappy if it was just about some guy who works at a fast food joint and his power is to know what side dish the customer wants and the crisis he faces include when a customer wants something that isn't on the menu. Unless it was a mini-series. It might work then.

Anyways, back to what I really want to talk about. Fast food. I mean, super powers. I'm sure you've all had that conversation a handful of times about what power you wish you could have. But for me, it would be the power to read people's thoughts. It would be a great all around power to have. You could use it everyday and not just to save lives, but also to make life that much easier for people. Plus you could pick up chicks easier. School would be a snap. You'd be the big hit at gatherings because you know what to say. And you could even steal people's jokes before they tell them. You'd know exactly what to say or do with people who are going through tough times.

Of course, then when you talk to boring people, their thoughts are probably just as boring. Except it would be like listening to two of them at the same time. Either that or it would be like listening to them in stereo. I assume that boring people are literally saying what they are thinking.

Creepy people would be the same way. The difference would be that you'd hear what the euphemism is actually referring to as you listen to the overly obvious and gross sexual reference.

Violent people would be scary because even if then you might see the images that they are thinking when you tell them that disagree with the idea that Dukes of Hazzard has brought enlightenment to humanity. The images would most likely include them hitting jumps in their trucks that have over-sized tires, naked-girl-silhouette mudflaps, Calvin-peeing-on-a-Chevy logo in the back window, lights on the roll bar, and two huge exhausts pipes that underline their inadequacy and then them landing on me and then running me over a few more times and in my dying moments, I can hear the bitter melody of some Pable Cruz song. That is truly horrifying.

Maybe it's better not to have that power. And I definitely don't trust others enough to let them have it either. So let's just ignore everything I said. Except for the fact that Dukes of Hazzard are ruining the advancement of society and possibly civilization in general.

To Me, People Who Say "Such and Such Has Jumped The Shark" Have Jumped the Shark

24 has started it's sixth season and I've been loving it as I always have. And I can't resist going to the 24 website and checking out the message boards to see what people have said about various plot twists, but I don't know why I subject myself to it. Noone really talks about how cool it was or about what they think will happen next. The only things that go on there is how the show has now jumped the shark or the show has now gone too far. Those are the two biggest comments. It's annoying. I mean, why are you going onto the message board to complain about the TV show. If it is so terrible, then why are YOU WATCHING IT!?! Sweet mother of Pearl!

The thing that is the worst however is the "24 has finally jumped the shark" comments that are so prevalent. That phrase is so cliched all it does is rile me on such a core level. To me, people who say "such and such has jumped the shark" have jumped the shark. Say something like "that twist was a little ridiculous" or "that scene was like having sort of subhuman fish-like creature who has been given a lobotomy perform a lobotomy on me as we take the cable car ride during an earthquake as Mongolians lob molotov cocktails at us."

Besides, 24 has been on so long that it has done very well to not repeat itself. It has been consistently good with some great directing and acting with the glaring exception of Dennis Hopper. I would like to see those people who complain after six seasons can make a TV show to run so long and be half as good as 24. They would most likely put in a scene where they literally have someone jumping a shark.

As a side note to my readers, all three of you. If you ever start saying that I jumped the shark, I will buy a genetically modified shark that can somehow walk on land and let it loose into your house and you won't be able to jump because I will remove your legs so you will be unable to jump any sort of land shark.

I'm Pro-People-Becoming-Like-Me

Next week's Bible study is going to be so sweet. Jason and I lead a media-based study where we watch at TV show, or movie, or listen to something and then have a biblical response to it. And next week, we are doing one where we listen to a few Pearl Jam songs, discuss the meaning and as well, whether or not we agree with what they have to say. It shall be sweet for Pearl Jam is sweet, ergo the study is sweet by association. We're not even doing the classic songs that everyone knows. We have a lot of their lesser known ones. Of course, when I say that, there are no doubt some fans who are like, "'I am Mine'? That is not that so great. I would choose the song that Vedder wrote and perform while still in his mother's womb. It's the seventh song on a rare mix tape that only true fans would like." But I don't worry about people like them. Because they're idiots.

Anyway, I look forward to it, because I can't wait to hear the reaction of some of the people because they don't listen to Pearl Jam or any other grunge band of the 90's (I'm sure some fanboys just choked on their mini pizzas at the possibility of their band being referred to such a way. Why do people get all panicky about the classification of music?). One of my favourite things is to introduce people to new TV shows like 24 and Lost and if people like Pearl Jam because of this, I'll feel good. I'm pro-people-becoming-like-me.

But why stop there? I should start hanging out with people who look like the exact same. And then they would be able to wear the same clothes as me. And then we would always do whatever I want to do. And then I wouldn't have to talk to them, because I already know what they think about anyways. I mean, when I talk to people, do I really want to hear divergent opinions on things and grow? No, I want you to nod in agreement as you pass me the chips.

"Goodness" Will Spread Over the Land Through Merciless and Most Definitely Bloody War

It has been nearly three months since I last blogged (man, that sounds disgusting. It's almost sounds like I'm describing what it's like to simultaneously puke and diaraherra). And this is the most pressing thing at this time: Arrested Development must have birthed by angels themselves.

Now, I'm not sure if the theology is correct in that statement, but I would be willing to fight to the death over that statement. That's called "blind faith" or more accurately "factual truth". And when something is "factual truth" you want to make sure that you strong arm people into believing the same thing and that way "what is right" or "goodness" will spread over the land through merciless and most definitely bloody war.

That's why I'm declaring for the first time ever a crusade against the people at Fox and any that stand in our way, including those "peace lovers" that claim that "violence is an atrocious way to attain such a petty goal as to restore a TV show". Then all the crusaders will all stop and look at each other and kind of laugh because they were willing to kill people over a TV show. Which is ridiculous. Really ridiculous. But that's why we can't it "saving a TV show from cancellation" but rather "protecting the North American way of life" and then everyone will retain there bloodthirst and push forward with their crusade and if any dare question the legitimacy of the crusade, we will accuse them of "hating North America" and everyone will live in a sharp fear of trying to stop us from getting Arrested Development back on the air.

And in 500 years, when people will look back, they will see the clear necessity for the extreme measures taken to prove that we Arrested Development fans are rights. Especially the people who hate war. Or hate ignorance.

So, I've had of this of all this talky talk, let's get our swords! Who's with me!

I Plan On Calling It "The Greatest Story Ever Told Part 2"

The Academy Awards have recently taken place and there is a few people upset about the Best Film winner, "Crash". It seems as though "Brokeback Mountain" was supposed to win because it caused the most controversy because as we all know "Best Film" is French for "Most Controversial" and not as we English speakers would typically think when we hear "Best Film". After all, a story about two homosexual men beats a group of people dealing with racism. Hands down. Racial equality is a such a boring, been there done that kind of subject. We see it in how we in 2006 are currently treating all races the same and thus a movie about racial intolerance is a moot point. Aside from the segregation of Natives in reserves. Oh, and the severe problem of racism that is still heavily present in the south. And the racial profiling of Arabs at borders. Aside from that we're doing pretty good. That's why this incisive commentary about the issue of racism is what should put "Crash" nowhere near the award for "Best Film" (Most Controversial).

And who cares if the play was brilliantly written. Or if the performances were believable. Or if the directing was exquisite. That is nothing compared to gay cowboys!

But don't worry, the Academy always redeems itself. I have confidence that it will go back to the roots and go back to picking movies that are the hot button issue and not movies that are "deserving of the award". That's why I plan on writing a movie about three gay, transvestite, polygamous, abortion doctors that want to create a new religion combining Satan and Paul into the same person and who merely want to fall in love and have everyone validate their new union(s) together as they promote the new Aryan nation. I plan on calling it "The Greatest Story Ever Told Part 2"

It May Not Work, But I Thought I'd Give It a Shot...And Oh, I Like Crack

Apparently Microsoft is still conducting their beta tests by tracking e-mails and sending cheques to the individuals who forward a dumb mass e-mail that says "It's true, I saw it on the news!" How does this make any sense! I've personally received the very same e-mail four times in the last few years and no one has pieced it together that this thing is bogus! I mean, very intelligent people have sent me this thing and the only thing this letter does is prove how you didn't think about it at all.

For one, why would any company just give thousands of dollars to annoymous individuals across the world for a lousy e-mail. I mean, they could do this internally to test whatever it is that they would want to test. That way, they wouldn't get gullible idiots who don't know what the basics of computer programming involves.

Second, why would this e-mail so unofficial. Shouldn't something like a test from Microsoft that involves money have a subject that says "Microsoft Officially Invites You for Participation in a Program Test" and not "It may not work, but I thought I'd give it a shot...and oh, I like crack".

Thirdly, why they even test an e-mail for Rosencratz' sake! They know it works. It works fine. Even the most computer illiterate can learn it. Even the fools that fall for this trick can use it.

This is the reason that humanity will fall apart in a fiery wreck because it will be these people that perpetuate this insult of humanity who will elect the next Napoleon.

I Deserve to Have Food Summoning Powers

What a wonderful technologically advanced era I live in. It's great. I get to listen to free internet music that I get to choose. I get to play video games. Watch movies. Talk to people far away on my cell phone. I can do a lot of stuff. All at my finger tips. It's great. God has truly blessed me. I mean what more could I want. Or need. I guess if it were possible to create food out of thin air, that would be awesome. But I mean aside from that, there is no where to go. I'd have all the stuff I have now and a food summoning machine. That's it. Life would be set. And maybe like a hover car. That's only if they get around to it. I don't think it would happen, but it does, that'd be just peachy to have. And it's not like I deserve one anyway. I mean who do I think I am? Why should I demand more, right? Just because I'm North American and am a good-hearted individual who gives of his time and energy to promote good as best I can, why should I expect more? Wait. Why shouldn't I? This is incredible. This is like a break through. I've never thought of this before. Of course I deserve more. Look at me. I'm hot. I'm large and in charge. I have a drama degree for goodness' sake. I shouldn't be on the same plane as the rest of you common peasant folk. I deserve to have food summoning powers and a hover car, no hovering abilities and telepathy. Man, I've just been too humble for way too long. What about me for once? That's it I'm out of here to burst in and demand my rights even if I don't know what my rights are. Who's with me?!

All the Hillbillyness of it All

I went to my first shift at the other Domo. At first, I thought I was working at a typical self-service gas station that has an unspeakable name (see previous post). I was shocked to find out that it was a rip in the space/time continuum that links back to Minnedosa. It was either that or someone took all the drunkenness, all the dust, all the hillbillyness of it all and put it into a place of business. It was disturbing for me. Who would've thought that I would find such a place in the middle of a city?

It makes me wonder if there are more Minnedosas out there. More drunkenness. More racial intolerance. More spewed beef jerky all over my store. More dumbass comments. More inane chatter. More vests over the bare chest.

That would mean that there would be no place to hide. Idiots could envelope you at any moment. Truly this discovery of the Minnedosaliana or Brain colerah is something bigger than some fake epidemic. It could infect at any place at any time.

Symptoms of the pitiable disease is the strong urge to shout out "Yoooooouuuuuu!" at the most inappropriate times, to listen to Pablo Cruz at all, buying a big, dumb truck (and especially if you figure that you should have a Calvin peeing on the symbol of the opposing truck manufacturer on the back window), or if you have the sudden urge to throw objects off of lookout towers, own "Fox" clothing, attend truck smash'em ups, or you are more drunk than sober in your waking hours.

If you're ever at home and feel any of the symptoms of the Brain colerah setting in, please report to a local library and read a book or watch a documentary. Avoid country music and flannel shirts. And whatever you don't rev your engines when you pass people on the street.

At this time, I have a confession to make. I suffer from brain colerah everyday. I actively kill brain cells and watch wrestling...and enjoy it. Please keep me in your prayers. After all, brain colerah makes a victim of us all.