Broken, Not Defective

I don't it's too much of a secret that the Christian church views humanity as broken, which I agree. In Romans, it says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (3:23) and goes on the speak about the redemption that comes from Jesus Christ and it was by grace that we are forgiven. Awesome. Completely onboard. Everyone can admit that we don't always live up to the standard of perfection of always loving other people and God. It is an inevitability that we will be selfish because there is a lot of time in our lifetimes where we can screw up.

I will also concede that even once you are a Christian and you are gung ho for being a better disciple, it is not necessarily easier to live a life of righteousness and generousity. We still have desires in our heart that lead us to make serve ourselves and will continue to have until the very day we die and we are likely to screw many times before that time comes.

However, I also hear a lot of talk that also makes it seem like humanity is incapable of being good. It is like it is in fashion for a Christian to have a heaping dose of self hatred and poor self image. That we are so flawed that anything good we do accomplish is clearly only because of the grace of God. I have even heard from a few people that wouldn't be able to love anybody without God. Really? You would not be able to love anybody?

Now, when I respond so incredulously like I just did, Christians will concede that "well, ok, I could love a little bit, but I couldn't keep it up and love everybody or for a long time". I sometimes wonder if perhaps we think that the standard is actually way higher than it really is. I don't love everybody in the world. It would be ludicrous for me to say that I do. I haven't met over six billion of them. I don't think God even expects us to because that is way beyond our capability. That's where I think some people think that we are broken and are sinful because we don't "love everybody".

I think that we are to love those who are our neighbour. Those that we have contact with and where we can impact people. Just because I don't send a care package to every one of the six billion people out there or pray for each one individually it doesn't mean that is why we "have fallen short of the glory of God".

I also believe that people are fully capable of loving others and I think that many do even without "Jesus being in their heart". Why? Because we may be broken, but we are not defective. I am aware that I may be arguing semantics, but what I am getting at is that there is a common thread in a lot of Christian thought that says that we are essentially fleshy garbage and that we can not do any good unless it is God working through us.

What happens because of this thought I think is that we start punishing and belittling ourselves for being garbage because of our transgressions and we actually don't move on. We cry to Jesus to forgive us, but we aren't willing to embrace that idea that we can be different and be people who love and live lives that are good. God has forgiven us, but we refuse to forgive ourselves. Paul even writes that when we follow Christ, our old selves died on the cross with Him, but in the same way, we are resurrected with Him. He gives second life and it is one that we share with Him. We are able to shake free of the burden of the law and always being worried about always having to give sacrifices, but rather focusing on becoming more what God wants us to be which is to love God, love others and transform lives. We recognize that we may still screw up, but let's not dwell on that. Let's just keep pushing forward and trying to become better. Trying to become this sort of heroic persona of ourselves.

We are not garbage. We are people that are selfish and hurt others and we get off track. We are also people who can love and be good and God wants us to move past those mistakes and become perfect even to the point of forgiving us at all costs as long as we are willing to change and follow the way of life Jesus exemplified and preached. Making Jesus our Lord.

The good news about this is that God doesn't actually think you are defective and terrible. The good news is that He wants us to succeed and be righteous or in other words perfect, willing to look past our mistakes through forgiveness given to us by Christ. That He wants to save us from ourselves that would lead us to the destruction of our eternal selves.

The hard part of this versus this traditional idea from the church that we are scumbags and that God should just wipe us out but for some inexplicable reason is willing to forgive us, is that because we are fully capable of being these heroic personas, we are obligated to strive to become that. It is not some magic prayer that lets us in, but actually us changing our attitudes and behaviors to be more outward focussed.

It seems like when we have this idea that we are scumbags, then it is somehow okay to continue on hurting others or ourselves or God because we are so dependent on grace anyways, that it's just all kind of a wash. That as long as we are perpetually groveling to God then we'll make it into heaven okay. If God believes that we are scumbags and are completely incapable of being able to live good lives, then all He is doing is redeeming garbage.

However, He knows us. He knows that we are able to live lives that are generous, benevolent, sacrificial and honorable lives and that we just need to turn away from ourselves and follow Him, then He is redeeming heroes who don't realize that they could be heroes.

I am absolutely tired of Christians hating themselves and others simply because we are human. We make kids believe that they are entrenched with evil and need to ask for mercy. This attitude is what I believe keeps people from Jesus and the church. This attitude makes people weak and afraid to stand up and become the people Jesus actually calls us to be. To be human is to struggle, but to be human also means to have potential.

It hurts so much because I know that a life that follows Christ is about becoming better people, not about how we're evil. Jesus came to break those chains that we seem to want to continue to carry. But people will refuse. They will continue to hate themselves in spite of the fact Jesus loves them.

"He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share

His key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere

But first he was stripped and then he was stabbed

By faceless men, well, fuckers

He still stands

And he still gives his love, he just gives it away

The love he receives is the love that is saved

And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky

A human being that was given to fly"

- "Given to Fly" from the Pearl Jam album "Yield"

Your Will Be Done

A few weeks ago, I posted something about prayer and how I feel like I shouldn't ask for things because it is assuming I know what I need. Perhaps I just need to go through tough times so I can become a stronger person. Anyways, Gavin in the comment section asked about my thoughts on the Lord's prayer and I thought it would be an interesting idea. I would like to think that my ideas on prayer line up with this because if it doesn't, I should be excommunicated. I will say this before I start. Many smarter people have written more in tune ideas about what you're about to read. I'm a fake intellectual.

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name..."

This statement puts everything where it should be. It is a wonderful statement of you are God and I am not in the same league as you. It is important to revere God and sometimes I think that especially with some modern Christians, it is popular to bring God down to our level. That He's our buddy, which I have always felt uncomfortable with. I wrote about this idea a while ago, but it still holds true. God is not one of our human peers. He is the creator of the world. I don't want to hang out with Him at the pub and shoot pool.

"...your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven..."

This is where I see that we have to submit our ideas to what God would have us do. Now, I take this fairly broadly. I once again do not believe that we have to funnel every decision through God and wait for a magic sign for us to proceed on something. That said, we know what God's will is. It is to love God and love others. I'll take a side note and say what I believe it means to love God. The biggest one is respect. When we are talking about loving someone who is in authority, we usually don't mean a romantic love or even a friendship kind of love. Usually, it is a love that shows respect. Like you would to your parents. You show love to your parents by obeying them and valuing their input. You want to love God? It's not by merely saying that you love God, it is also about trying to lead a discipline life.

This prayer reminds us that we want to submit to God and that we want to follow his will. It is also admitting that God's idea of what should happen is not dependent on what I think needs to happen. For the individual, showing respect to God and showing kindness, generosity and compassion for our fellow humankind is our way of backing up our words.

"...give us today our daily bread..."

This implies to me that God is not some magic machine, but rather keeps it simple. I think it also opens us up to being able to make plans. We can make decisions on our own and we can set up our goals as long as we follow God's will of loving Him and loving others. It also puts it on us to actually execute our plans. The prayer does not say that "give us today our daily bread and $40,000 and a passport" but rather just keeps it to what we need. Bread is something we need. God also knows what we need. God knows that if we need $40,000 and a passport and we are working towards it and it is something that needs to happen, it will happen. However, I think we sometimes whole-heartedly believe that we need something specific and maybe it just simply isn't meant to be. Am I saying that it's wrong to ask for something specific? No. I am saying that we need to approach it with humility. That we approach God saying that "This direction seems to be where I need to go and/or where You are calling me next and yet I am not sure how to overcome this obstacle. Help me to find the best way to bring this about whether it is by my hand or with Your help or by Your grace." To me, it seems bizarre that I would declare to God what He should give me.

However, this prayer also admits that we can't always do it on our own, but if God is there to give us the basics, then that is still giving us the ability to do His will.

"...forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors..."

This is, in my mind, an admission of who we are. We are broken and we screw up. It is also a vital reminder about how we need to see our common humanity and how we need to show grace. If this phrase was one that the world could learn to live by, it would be a wonderful thing. It is so difficult to have mercy on those around us when they do something wrong, but somehow we always have a justification for what we do wrong. It is a call to take responsibility, a quality that is elusive to many people. If we do not own up to our own wrongs, then we can never attain the true ability to forgive others and fix broken relationships.

"...and lead us not into temptation..."

This, to me, is one of the most interesting phrases in the prayer. I do not believe that God would lead us to temptation in the first place, so it's a bit curious. In the end, it comes back to the line before it and the line after it and that context is needed. It is another admission of who we are. We are so susceptible to putting ourselves first, that we need God. We need to have it infused into our character to be people of compassion and love, which are not focused on the self but rather outwards. It is a reminder for us that we should not turn in on ourselves but rather keep God's will in mind.

"...but deliver us from the evil one."

Some transcripts say "evil" and not the "evil one". Call me a heretic if you will, but I have been reluctant to admit that there is a devil. In fact, I would even say I don't. Because even if he did exist, it really should not affect how we live our lives. I think that some times when people believe that a devil is trying to get them to do evil things, that it sort of gives people a scape goat for their bad behavior. They tend not to fully own up to their decisions. The fact is, whether it is the devil, another person or our own selfish desire, we still make the decision. It is not anyone else's fault that we make our decisions the way we do. That's why I don't mind not believing in the devil. Just like I don't mind not caring about how Jesus is going to come back because it shouldn't affect how I should live now or even in the future. In some regards we are our own devil. The fight of good and evil is mostly inside the individual. I tend to think that you really can't change people, you can only really change yourself. What is a good decision and what is an evil decision comes down to whether we are others-focused or self-focused. Our temptations are all around us to put ourselves first and maybe some devil is trying to push us in a direction he wants us to go, but he never makes our decisions for us.

I guess, in reflection of the Lord's prayer as a whole, it really has given the outline to my theology. It's interesting because I think that is almost the point of the prayer. This is an outline of what is important in this shared relationship with the heavenly Father. God has given us incredible freedom but we also have the responsibility to a live a life that is in the moment and full of love and grace which is the most difficult life. However, through the grace of God we can live up to it and make it so His will will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

"Too many men

There's too many people

Making too many problems

And not much love to go around

Can't you see

This is a land of confusion.

Now this is the world we live in

And these are the hands we're given

Use them and let's start trying

To make it a place worth fighting for."

- "Land of Confusion" by Genesis from their album "Invisible Touch"

You Can't Always Get What You Want

David wanted to build the temple when he was king of the Israel. He was a great military leader of his people and for the most part did many good things because he followed the path God laid out for him. However, the Lord did not permit David to build the temple because he had too much blood on his hands. It was not his role. It was not his place. He was a great man, but that didn't matter. It wasn't for him.

Now, I'm not sure of how David felt about that. Coming to grips with the concept that not everything was up for grabs. He faced the consequences to that when he sent a man to his death in order to take that man's wife as his own.

The fact is that in our lives, there are things that are off limits. Not because it's bad necessarily, but rather its not meant for us. We cannot take everything we want. We cannot pretend that we can. Some things are meant for others.

I was talking to my friend, Aaron, about the nature of mankind and some of the gruesome, terrible things that we as humans are capable of doing simply because there is a lingering dark, selfish side that is there. It's undeniable. Some of the greatest works of the arts and literature comes from a place of recognizing that darkness inside of the human soul. As Aaron said to me, these pieces of art are so shockingly truthful because it taps into something inside of us that we try to pretend is not there. It unnerves us and disturbs us. Although I think it is important to recognize that evil inside, it is also important to strive and fight with all our strength, through the grace of God, against that darkness. Against the evil selfishness that creeps into our psyche. It comes down once again to remembering our place in the world. It is about God and others first. That is the ideal that we push and strive for. We need to have this idea of the good of the community foremost in our goals, because if we are too individualistic, too self-focused, then we will start to think our role and place is more important. We will believe we deserve things when it is not necessarily our place to make that call. We will begin to ascribe that self-service trumps upholding a communal reciprocity. If we dwell on ourselves, we will not only potentially destroy ourselves in some form, whether it be physically, mentally, or spiritually, it can bring harm to others. We need to know our role.

That all being said, it is tough when you come to the realization that we cannot take whatever we want. It kind of hurts knowing that something would be nice and comforting, but also knowing that it is not for you. That something is for someone else. Solomon was supposed to build the temple because he was a man of peace. As much as David may have wanted to and perhaps even deserved on a human level, it was not for him.

It is just tough to accept that we cannot change everything. Sometimes life is the way it is and that is that. And although we cannot change everything in the world, we can always try to change ourselves more into the person that we are meant to be. It's just too bad that that is easier said than done.

"I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?"
- "On a Plain" from Nirvana's Nevermind

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy...

This past week I had a kind of a bizarre experience. I was reading the paper and I got agitated to the point I wanted to yell out in the middle of the Burger King. I was reading back to back outrageous stories of tragedy. Both of which took place in Manitoba. What the hell?

First off was the news that the good old Westboro church of crazy was going to descend on the funeral of Tim McLean. Who the hell do these people think they are? Spewing such vile, hateful speech about a person they do not even know and taking his memorial as an opportunity to spread their message of crazy and then slapping God's name all over it as a way to justify their homophobia and disrespect for a person that God created. Anyway, I don't want to dwell any more on them, because this is the exact thing that gives them power...damn it.

Secondly, I was then reading the editorial letters of people writing in about the atrocity that happened on that bus and I was appalled even further. Now, I should establish that I clearly believe Vince Li should be locked away from society so as to not harm other people. What he did was terrible and horrific. It is quite evident that he is a disturbed mind who has given way to a violent irrationality. But what caught me off-guard was not that. What got me was the reaction of people to this crime. People want to brutally eviscerate this guy. And the disturbing and ultimately disheartening part of this whole thing is that people who are supposedly rational and good citizens would love to see this guy have his fingers ripped off or some how brutally punished so that he suffers in the most incredible way possible...as long as it was legal. If one of these civilized barbarians was given the opportunity to do whatever they wanted to Vince Li with no legal repercussions then they would unleash the worst possible torture on the guy that they could imagine and feel no remorse. What the hell is that? Can't they see the sickening irony of how these people are not that different than the mentally instable mind they want to utterly want to cut, mangle, burn and the only fucking thing holding them back is the law? They are the thing that they apparently hate with a light smattering of law glazed over the bloodlust. And they are sane. I may not be a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure that Vince Li is crazy, deranged and all that, but the people who want to do the same to him are sane? That is what I find far more disturbing about humanity. That civility is the mask of the worst, hate-filled minds.

Lastly, the situation with the Winnipeg Police in the shooting death of Craig McDougall. The frustrating part of this whole thing is that if an aboriginal armed with a knife doesn't obey an officers orders to drop the weapon and after an attempt to use a tazer on the suspect, the guy still doesn't back down and then the police shoot him that the police is accused of being racist? Even if he was holding a cell phone like some people claim, it doesn't mean that the guy should not have listened to police officers who were telling him to put it down. And then some people claim that the police shouldn't have used such unnecessary force. A gun versus a knife is unfair. So you want the police to go use knives to take down knife-wielding suspects? Or is that too much for law-enforcement? Maybe they should use wiffle bats? "No, that's too much! Have you ever been hit by one? It gives you a nasty headache for like 10 minutes! Police should use candy to take down suspects." That all being said, there should be an inquiry when someone is shot...like they already do.

I wanted to yell in anguish and frustration and anger so badly. I didn't because I didn't to be kicked out of the Burger King. I mean, I wasn't finished with my Whopper yet. Why does the world have to be like this? I guess I will have to crank up the awesome level and try to spread joy and hope more to a humanity in desperate need of healing.