Day Four: Magical Mystery Tour

I have just settled into the apartment of my good friends, Aaron and Caitlin. I spent the day travelling. I always thought it would be a fairly straight forward matter to go from Victoria to Vancouver. You know, jump on the ferry and ta-da! You're there. Apparently, it takes a 45 minute bus ride to catch the ferry which takes an hour and a half to get to the other side at which point you ride another bus for another 45 minutes and then finally ride the sky train for another ... twenty, thirty minutes? I don't really know. Time just kind of blurred away.

After I said good-bye to Bryan as he turned around and reboarded the ferry back to Victoria, I put in my music which I figured should be Matthew Good's new album called "Vancouver". I felt it was appropriate. Besides, I hadn't really listened to the album too much since I bought it and if I were to listen to an album on repeat, this only made sense. I really liked it. Many of the songs I enjoy like "Last Parade", "The Boy Who Could Explode", "Us Remains Impossible" and "Fought to Fight It". It's interesting to travel into the city listening to an album about it through the lens of someone else. You start to get a sense of what he sees in it.

It's funny, I haven't really listened to an album straight through too often since I first bought an iPod. I mean there have been exceptions like when I bought "Backspacer" or Nirvana's "Live at Reading" or Good's previous album "Hospital Music". I usually don't buy a lot of albums any more usually because I don't want to risk money on songs I don't know. Before digital media came along, you never really had that option, but here we are.

The whole experience reminds me of when I was in high school when I came to Winnipeg for one of the first times in my life to do work experience at the Manitoba Theatre for Young People and all I had for a CD with me was Collective Soul's self-titled album. I listened to that on repeat for the whole week. I remember how the song "Smashing Young Man" was my inspiration and how many of the other songs resonated with me at that time.

One of the first albums I was ever given was a Jars of Clay CD and I don't remember which one, but I think I may have liked one song off of it and that was all. Meanwhile, one of my friends gave me (by throwing it at my head) Green Day's "Dookie" and since it was free, I listened to it. I had never heard anything that talked about something different than happy go lucky Jesus and this spoke to things I identified with. I mean, now, I'm not in that place anymore, but at the time, it was eye-opening.

Christian music has rarely impacted me as much as secular music, although one could easily argue that Collective Soul's music is pretty consistently spiritual, it is never overtly a specific religion. I find a lot of Christian music to be fairly one-dimensional. Maybe occasionally two-dimensional. It always feels a little ... shallow? Is that what I want to say? I suppose that is my problem with always coming from a Christian perspective. Everything feels a little white-washed and shiny. That it never admits the full range of human experience.

It seems to me that to have a full understanding of what it means to be human, you have to see the other side. You get to see it when you spend time with the homeless or the poor or the forgotten. You get to see it when you see someone face the dark shadows of life without some hope in a loving God. It is the same thing as how people that dwell in the dark matter have to listen to something positive in order to get a better understanding.

For me, I see it when I listen to music. These artists are sharing their more intimate thoughts in song form. I like music for that reason and specifically lyrics. There are words, but they are poetic. They convey a feeling versus other literature that usually explain everything. Music has a simple way of expressing the heart of the artist while still presenting words which I can somewhat follow. I don't necessarily agree with the artist, but I can identify with them and understand my world a little better and where other people come from.

I've had other many experiences and good conversations along the way, but this was the first one to be written on the screen. I gotta go crash now so I can go explore tomorrow.

"On a night like tonight

When no ones around

I sit in the dark on my hands on the ground

And I smile like the devil smiles

Unseen but proud

Truth be told I don't know who's at the helm

Just sit tight

I'll make my way to you"

- "On Nights Like Tonight" from Matthew Good's album "Vancouver"

Lost in Thought: "Happily Ever After"

I just finished watching last night's episode of Lost. Dana said that I was going to have a hay day with this one for theories and I can see why. Desmond-centric episodes are always significant and usually are the game changers for what is happening or what will happen. I actually loved how most of the episode took place in the flashsideways and how it brought back a lot of characters past.

There are two major ideas that streamed through this episode that stood out for me and one was what was important in life. We get to see Desmond in a place where all the things that were problems before are now wiped away. He was not an enemy of Charles Widmore, but rather his right hand man. He had money and the ability to do whatever he wanted. I do believe that Desmond was happy or content to a certain extent, but he did not love anyone and he was not aware of what he was missing. Charlie in his crazed wisdom was able to wake him up to this other mysterious idea of a woman whom he loved. He was willing to throw away his life of luxury for this idea, which was not even a reality for him.

This is why science fiction can tell some of the best stories because it can portray an idea that traditional stories cannot or at least portray it in such an engaging and beautiful way. When you see him meet Penny at the end and the interaction between the two, it made it feel like home. Like this is the way it should be.

This brings me the second major idea of the episode which is the idea of living through trials may be better for us. So far, all of the flashsideways have been generally pretty positive. Most of the characters are living lives that have turned out better than the original. They may be in a better place or perhaps have an improved perspective on things. They have, in general, made better choices than their island counterparts. I remember when people were predicting what was going to happen in the wake of the hydrogen bomb explosion, one of the ideas was that the plane was going to land in Los Angeles and everything was fine. I also remember how many people hated that idea because it would mean that the previous five seasons of the show would have meant nothing. All of those trials and moments of character growth would have disappeared. We as an audience have our selfish reasons for why that would be a rip off, but really, it means that the characters are the ones missing out.

I believe it is important for people to go through trials as a part of their experience. Can you really say that you are loyal if your loyalty has never been tested? Can you say that you have faith if your faith has never been tested? Can you say that you've loved if you've never had to sacrifice?

I really liked tonight's episode and from here they have also given us more insight into the connection between the flashsideways and the island realm. The two scenarios have been disconnected in terms of any real sense, although the writers have used it as an opportunity to give more insight into the characters. That's when you need a Desmond episode in order to bring the next segment of mystery to light.

It seems like electromagnetics is once again suggested as the great energy lying underneath the island with Widmore's test on Desmond. What Widmore wants out of Desmond may be to sacrifice himself and it will have to do with the electromagnetic source. Now, once again, the writers are messing with us, because it's starting to look like Widmore may be a good guy again. Which would be funny, because you would then have three groups of people who are wanting to accomplish something good but may collide in such a way that would be disastrous for all. I really can't say Widmore is a bad guy anymore, because it doesn't seem like he's trying to use the island's energy source for some nefarious purpose, at least at this point.

All three groups have displayed elements of good motives, but with scary and questionable methods. Almost like many major religions and philosophies. Hmm.

Anyway, Desmond is the key to this mystery of what is happening in the parallel scenarios. The other person who caught a glimpse of the flashsideways world was Juliet. Sweet, sweet Juliet. If electromagnetism allowed Desmond to travel there and Juliet travelled there as well, she was at the brink of this electromagnetic source and she got to see the other side. I am betting that we are definitely going to see her in the flashsideways in the next couple of weeks she's may have a vague awareness of the island similar to Desmond.

I am wondering if we are going to see the flashsideways Desmond try to let everyone on the flight know about the other place as almost a revelation or something for them to learn from. I am still leaning that the island will be done away with in the end and the flashsideways will be what's left, but they are going to gain the benefit of the islanders experience.

A lot of people have been caught up different ideas such as the Locke Monster or Jacob or the idea of the island being a cork. I have been way more captivated by the first episode with Kate in the tree and the sounds of her being underwater. I think it's somehow a clue but I have not been able to piece together where it fits. At one point I thought it made sense the islanders were in a spiritual state underneath the ocean in the flashsideways, but that sounded like I was on crack. Maybe, I'm getting caught on the wrong idea, but it was a very specific sound and intentionally done right at the start. I don't know. Maybe it ties in with the reflection idea of the flashsideways.

Well, that's all I want to dig into. I am going to enjoy the beauty of Victoria and hopefully I'll run into the girl that I loved on the island.

Day One: Wanting My Cake and Eating It Too

I have been in Victoria for a whole day and I have been reminded what a beautiful city it is. Compared to Winnipeg, it feels clean and interesting. The scenery is gorgeous and the downtown has places to go see. I mean, there was a two block radius where there were three or four comic book stores, three ironic t-shirt stores and a Starbucks. It was a paradise for a hipster nerd like myself.

Despite how nice the city is, I did not come on this trip to see things, but rather people. I am here with Bryan and Krista Dwyer, friends that I haven't seen in a couple of years and I always thought I would never see again. Not because I didn't want to, but rather because I was never going to have the opportunity. I'm glad I did, because I love talking with Bryan about all sorts of topics and I love how I can make Krista laugh without even trying. She's the easiest audience I know and makes me feel funnier than I really am. It's really the main reason I'm friends with her.

I carried around my camera and my tripod for the three hours that we wandered downtown and it got to the point my ribs really hurt and I had to massage my chest and I probably looked like I was having a perpetually on the brink of having a heart attack. I was carrying it around in case I came up with an idea for shots for videos for the new episode of the Early Night Show that I will be doing at the start of May. However, I didn't really have it figured out what I really wanted so I wound up carrying it for nothing.

It's hard to be creative and get work done when you spend it with people. Especially people that you want to spend time with. I tried to get most of it done before my plane touched down in Victoria but it's also difficult to sketch out four full videos in a short amount of time. I plan on spending time tomorrow figuring that all out. I mean, I have come to realize that time by yourself is also important on a trip like this, because realistically you need to find a balance.

I hope to get stuff done on this trip so the prepartions for the show when I get back will be relatively easy. At the same time, I want to be present with the people I'm with. I also want to reflect and relax. It's funny how I can't even do being laid off without becoming busy.

I was reminded again in a conversation how funny I am and how I may not find satisfaction. I am not sure if it's that I am not allowing myself to see what I have, but I was reflecting how I wish I can just have a life with a wife and kids and that's what I want. Not that all of my problems would be solved, because if anything I more problems would come. Rather, I was thinking that is the thing missing from my life. If I just had that, I would be content. However, I caught myself and said that even if I did get those things, that I would probably want the life I had when I was 27 with the ability to do what I want and could spend all my time working on videos and going away to camps and playing Dungeons and Dragons and spend my money how I want. I seem to want two very different lives and I will not be content in the place I am. Unless I learn how to continue to be in the present and not continually be concerned with possibilities but rather take advantage of what is here. Whether that is on the general state of life or whether it is in the very present of being in Victoria with friends that I love. It is my challenge for this trip and for when I return home. It's a lesson that I need to be constantly reminded of.

"A big eyed fish,
Yeah, swimming in the sea,
Oh, how he dreamed.
He wants to be a bird, swooping, diving through the breeze.
One day, he caught a big blue wave up onto the beach,
And now he's dead, you see, a fish's dream, should stay in the sea.
But, oh God,
Under the weight of life
Things seem brighter on the other side."
- "Big Eyed Fish" from Dave Matthews Band's album "Busted Stuff"

Pay Off

It's strange how it can feel like you have all the time in the world and at the exact same moment feel like you are running out of time. I have nowhere to really be today. I am waiting to hear back from a couple of places to see what I'm going to be doing for the summer. I have a month to construct another show. I am leaving for a trip on Sunday. I have delayed choosing my courses. There is a lot happening and yet, not really anything.

It's kind of funny to see how everything is essentially busy work. I am just filling my time. I have wanted to go back to school not because I love to go to school, but to get a new degree so I can do something different. I originally wanted to find a job that wasn't Rogers for the rest of my days. I want a job that I can tolerate. But that job will be doing the same thing. Filling my time.

I am so bored with life. I mean, I get to spend my days sitting under a tree and working in my book or reading, but it loses it's tranquility after two days. I am just filling my time. I don't care to play video games that much anymore. It's all the same. You go around this that or whatever and it's the same. It's just filling time.

I have all this time to spend with people and I'm starting to get bored of people now, too. The conversations start to look the same. The only thing I am interested in is the things other people care about so that I could give some insight and perspective. Tackle it like any other problem. Here's the thing, when you have something you care about, then you have something to do. When someone is bothered by something and doesn't know how to tackle it, I can give some advice and I am engaged on behalf of them.

With what is happening, there are plenty of good things. I can start over and get a chance to reconstruct the game, but it is also putting me into the scenario that I have come to truly hate. I have to invest in something. Time, money, care, whatever it may be into something to make the thing worthwhile. A good story involves giving you a payoff for investing your time into the story. It builds and builds, bringing you into the story and then when the conclusion comes, it pays off.

I think the reason I hate investing in anything real, is because the pay off rarely has been worth the investment for me. Whatever it may be. I mean not all the time for sure, but rarely. I've felt that I have made a lot of wrong choices. Not necessarily bad choices, but ones that just turn out to be the wrong ones. Usually, it will be one of those things where it could turn out awesome or turn out not awesome and for whatever reason, it lands in the not awesome category.

I remember back when I was younger and the pop companies would have the instant win under the cap of the bottles every once in a while. And it would be something like a 1 in 6 chance of winning a free drink. Here's the thing, I would buy their brand of drink just in the hopes that every once in a while I would get a break and get a free one. Obviously I didn't think I was going to win all the time, but just once in a while. I easily bought twenty of those things and I had maybe one win. Meanwhile, my buddy Erik seemed to win something like 1 in 3. I swear, it was ridiculous.

I see this silly example of how things I have invested in has gone. I tend to take big risks and those losses have been hard. Whether it was Mr. Chapel or dating a girl or signing a lease on the hopes that I can find a roommate. Thus this has led me back to being bored. I don't want to invest my time and money and heart into people or projects. The chances of it paying off, doesn't seem to be in my favor. Yet, if I no longer want to be stuck in a purgatory of filling my time, I have to find that thing that I will care about.

"How to keep people at arms length and never get too close

How to mistrust the ones who you supposedly love the most

How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone

How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps

A course of a lifetime you'll never forget"

- "Eight Easy Steps" from Alanis Morissette's album "So-Called Chaos"

Lost in Thought: "The Package"

I have just finished the previous review on Ab Aeterno, so this is going to be a little quicker. Usually after a momentous episode like Ab Aeterno, the following episode is once again another setup show. It tends to not have major revelations, but rather is moving the plot towards the next cornerstone episode which makes sense. If you want a good payoff, you need to put investment into the story. Thus why I was not as awed by Ab Aeterno last week. Great episode, don't get me wrong, but I still think there are a few others that are better.

As for this episode, I don't have a lot of great insight although I enjoyed the idea that Jin was carrying the money that would get him killed if he had delivered. Fortunately for him, what is normally a bad thing, like losing $25,000, actually saved him.

A lot of people predicted that it was going to be Desmond in the submarine and the funny thing is, I don't think I even cared. Sawyer made note of the locked door and I knew something was going to be in there, but I did not even consider what it could be for a second. Meh.

It's also interesting that the show may wind up ending on the Hydra island and not the mainland. Of course, they could come back but it's weird that the Hydra island is becoming so important so late in the game.

We're getting a little more insight into Widmore's plans and it appears that he is there to kill the Locke Monster. It's strange because why is he so antagonistic to Ben earlier in the show. It's like there are three sides to this whole battle. Maybe what the whole thing is that Jacob oversees the island and has the smoke monster to be the security (against his will) to prevent people who want to use the island for the wrong reasons. It may very be that Widmore has a geophysicist to find the pockets of electromagnetism in order to power some device or solve the energy crisis or what have you, but if it's accessed it will actually doom everything.

Maybe when Jacob was talking about the island being a cork to keep in the "evil and malevolence" that will spread its darkness, he is talking about the electromagnetism. A source of such powerful energy could potentially be the source for a great evil. It is temptation and it is a power that maybe people should not have access to. Jacob is not saying that the Smoke Monster is the evil that will infect the world, but rather the power. For the Smoke Monster, it is hell, because he is trapped there forever to protect it.

Jack and Illana's group is wanting to stop the Locke Monster from leaving because the island will be defenseless. I don't think their goal is to destroy the monster.

I am not sure of the reason that Jacob would bring people to the island. That is the mystery at this point. It could be for his own amusement or to test people or for some other reason that is beyond the main objective which is to stop the exploitation of the island.

There is no real theories here except for the idea that maybe in the end, it will be Widmore versus Locke and Jack. I am liking how this show is shaping up and where it's going. There was maybe no big reveals, but it's a steady revelation of what is happening.

Lost in Thought: "Ab Aeterno"

I know this is a little late for me with this, but sue me. I've got other things on the go. Anyway, I liked this episode, as I like most episodes of the show, but apparently I don't love it as much as everyone else seems too. It hit a major point in the island's past and even gave more insight into who Jacob and the Man in Black are. It had a strong emotional story for Richard, but I still think "Dr. Linus" was a better episode. For me, maybe I was expecting too much from this one. I was figuring it was going to fill in even more than it did. And as I have stated before, unfulfilled expectations, even unreasonable ones will make you disappointed.

One of my friends called the romantic story as strong as or even better than the episode "The Constant" from Season 4 which I was surprised at. I couldn't really say why at the time I thought that was bizarre, but in reflection I think the story of Desmond and Penny had a lot more build up and had a greater payoff. Meanwhile, we are just introduced to Isabella this episode. I can see parallels in the two stories and in the end, payoff makes me more attached to that other story by far.

Anyway, that all aside, here are my few thoughts on the episode. I am hearing strong arguments now that maybe the Man in Black is not actually a bad guy. This is from one Pearson Moore and honestly, you need to go to sl-lost.com and look for Pearson Moore's writings and reflections on this season's episodes. He has some of the most incredible insight into images and the backgrounds of symbols and in addition is well-versed in theology. He picks up on a lot from watching and he doesn't read spoilers. He delves into what Lost is about and does not care as much about what is happening. Once again, he suggests that maybe the Man in Black is an angel and that Jacob maybe more like the devil.

Pearson also pointed out that when Richard stated that he was in hell, Jacob only refuted the idea that Richard was dead. He could be in hell still, but just not dead.

I like the fact that they are really trying to blur who is good and bad. It is making you really have to look at what is actually evil and good. It is really highlighting for me that in some regards, popular images of what is good and what is evil is almost cartoony. We label something as evil and then that is it. If you are evil, you have no redeeming element to you. But people never consider themselves evil and if they do, then they see no hope for themselves. They have given in that this is their lot in life. Generally, however, people see themselves as good or the very least, not evil. That all of the choices that they make are generally good.

The view of evil is one that is the destruction of life. Tyranny that tries to squash freedom. Evil lacks the ability to love. That it is a force that looks to conquer good. That it wants the world. Almost none of those things can be true. A person does not want those things, typically. The battle I have with myself is not one where I am holding back the urge to kill everyone around myself because I want to see death or I want to exert my power over everything around me. Evil doesn't work like that, but some people kind of look at evil in that regard and thus they believe that they cannot be evil. "Clearly, I must be a good person. I don't want other people to suffer, thus I am good."

Evil is a lot more common than that. In fact, I believe that evil is not a power that is somehow and equal yet opposite to good, but rather a mere corruption of what is good. Usually, a lot of evil that people do come out of a perverted sense of what is good. The other kind is what is more often see and it is purely putting yourself ahead of others.

The first kind is what I see terrorist groups as. These are groups that are almost rooted in a good ideal, but it is taken the wrong way. If it's a religious extremist, they believe that they must bring about the peace that comes from their teachings by wiping out the opponents to their ideal. They view anyone who disagrees with them as oppressive or endangering the good people and thus if the good people (as determined by their religious ideals) are to be protected, the opponents must be punished or destroyed. It's the same with environmental extremists who are trying to protect what they think is important and going to great lengths to do so even if it costs lives. A lot of ideological groups have a root in what is actually a positive thing, but is taken to an extreme length to ensure the dominance of that positive thing. That's why Bond supervillains are kind of funny because how are they even trying to do anything good and how do they get so many henchmen to follow them? Anyways, this is the most dangerous form of evil, but rather an obvious kind because people who are apart of these groups believe they are actually doing good for the world and can be obvious.

The more insidious kind of evil is also the most common and that is the second type I mentioned before. It is where people put themselves first over others. Obviously, we need to take care of ourselves so that way we can be a positive force in our society and we should get to enjoy some good things in life, but it's a tricky line. It's easy to get lazy and generally not hurt others but not actually do anything that helps other people. We're not necessarily a force of evil, but rather a lack of force. If no one is hurting each other, great, but at the same time we are lacking as a society if we are not trying to push ourselves in a positive direction. Being good is more than a lack of hurting others, but rather taking steps to reach out to our fellow humankind.

Generally, Christianity pushes us to actually reach out and do something good and not grow complacent. However, it's easy to become complacent once you've found religion because you have chosen correctly and that is all. Nothing more is required of me. I'm going to kick back and not do anything else and that is the seed of evil. It is when we stop caring. Evil is more present than we care to think. That we are fighting more than we believe.

I might claim to be a follower of Jesus which is all fine, but that doesn't mean I'm good now. Things are a lot more grey than that and that usually does not sit well with a lot of religious people. Lost seems to be pointing at this idea. That what is good and what is evil has less to do with what team you're on and more about the choices you make.

Just because the Man in Black is wanting off the island does not make him a force of evil. It may cause something bad to happen if he leaves, but really he is more selfish than anything else. He's not a malevolent being. He believes in the freedom of the individual to not be shackled into the duty of the community. He supports some good things. The idea that people should get to live how they would like and not live under tyranny. That's a good thing, however, it may come at a cost and that's the problem. He may be willing to sacrifice the good of many for the ideal of freedom for all.

We live in shades of grey and we are surrounded by people who are all trying to figure out what is good. People for the most part do not want to harm to come to others, but at the same time they are not willing to sacrifice themselves for others either. People are usually in the middle avoiding having to do either. Can you really call yourself good, if you are not willing to sacrifice things for other people?

Now, that I finally finished this, I can watch the new episode. I'm pumped.

Restructuring

In case you haven't heard, I have been let go of my job at Roger's. It is a little strange to be at home for the whole weekend instead of work. I never had to worry about making plans with anybody because going to work was my plans. I was surprised that it was me that they let go, but I understand their decision at the same time. Funny enough, I was telling one of my employees that "There is restructuring going on, but don't worry, our store is doing fine and our jobs will be safe." And it was me who had faith in our job security and it was me who got the boot.

I remember talking about the six life paths in a blog a few months ago and this event just seems to highlight my lack of movement on those points and now I don't even have my job which was the one I was doing the best in aside from being couched in the Bystander path. Now, that's what's left.

Fortunately, if I was to leave Roger's, this is exactly how I would want to leave. I get severance and I get time. I have the chance to move away and get setup somewhere else and I have time to find a new job there. I don't know what I want to do about school yet, but it just happened so I am still trying to figure that out.

I know I have usually been ridiculously busy for a good portion of my adult life and I always wished I had just a little more time in my week. That's why I find it so strange to have an abundance of time. In fact, it's feels like too much time. It's like I have been thirsty and suddenly I thrown into the ocean and I'm drowning. "Yeah, I wish I had more time. Ah, that's enough. No, I'm good. Oh, no, too much! Too much! Too much!"

I am planning on using this time to go out west and see some friends that I have not seen in a long time. Maybe this break will be something nice before I move onto the next stretch of my life.

That's all I really have to say for now. I am trying to rest and reflect on my position and go from here.

"Honey, aren't you ready?

Don't you get it?

Even if you got nothing to lose,

Then baby, you got it all"

- "Nothing to Lose" from the Operator album "Soulcrusher"

Lost in Thought: "Recon"

Alright, this post will have less to do with tonight's show per se, but more on some ideas that solidified themselves after my post-show explanation with my friends, Mike, Allison and Dana. It largely consisted of me acting smart and inflating my already-oversized ego. Let me mention a couple of things in the episode and then I want to talk about the bigger ideas in the show.

The first thing that pops out to me, is Widmore's group on the island. It seems as though that they are a separate entity to both Locke's and Jacob's group. Interestingly enough, Widmore's group have set up shop in a manner sort of similar to the Dharma Initiative's approach to security. They have a submarine and are putting up a sonar fence to keep the smoke monster out. I am wondering if Widmore actually has a connection to the Dharma Initiative. Perhaps he was helping them all along as a mole. For those who don't know Alvar Hanso is the head of the Hanso Foundation who funds the Dharma Initiative. Alvar's ancestor is Magnus Hanso who was the captain of the Black Rock. It is possible that Magnus is Alvar if Magnus has the same longevity that Richard has, but that is a different tangent. Anyway, we saw Widmore bidding for the personal diaries of Magnus Hanso and so it might be possible that Widmore is working for or at least with the Dharma Initiative and Alvar Hanso in order help exploit the island for possible good or possibly selfish reasons.

We once again see the use of the mirror in this episode as well as a mostly redeemed Sawyer, but it is not perfect like the other stories we have seen in the other flash-sideways.

This is what I really want to dig into. My new thoughts came from the continual use of mirrors in this season and the possible significance. I am thinking that the flash-sideways is a reflection of what we are seeing on the island. It was not that the bomb created two possible worlds or two timelines, but rather the flash-sideways is a different entity altogether. It could be that the flash-sideways is the result of actions taken on the island that will redeem our lost. Redemption has been an important part of the show since the start and what the flash-sideways maybe are glimpses of a sort of heaven.

One of the older theories of the show back from Season 1 was that the island was purgatory. The writer's dismissed the theory, but perhaps it's not that far off. It is starting to really fit the bill as it draws closer to the end. Perhaps it is not purgatory per se, but rather a place that represents reality. There have been a lot of parallels and metaphors comparing places to spiritual realms. For instance, Christian referred to Australia as hell in season 1 in his conversation with Sawyer. Locke referred to the island as a place for a second chance. Los Angeles is known as the city of angels. The passengers of flight 815 crashed in between hell and heaven. What I'm starting to think is that the island really is a place of redemption and that our lost are going to go through the last trials and do something that allows them to redeem themselves as a community.

I think the best way to describe it would be to use Christian spirituality to explain it. In a lot of regards, what we do in this world is going to determine what our afterlife looks like. Our eternal selves' fates are linked in with what we do here in the reality of this dark world. Locke called the island a place for a second chance, but that does not mean that the second chance is easy. It harsh and difficult and deadly. In the same way, the characters are facing challenges and harsh circumstances not to save their lives on the island, but rather their other selves, their eternal selves who are off the island in Los Angeles. The characters will face an apocalypse of sorts where they may have to lose their lives to literally save them.

Now, I do not claim that Lost is a Christian show by any stretch, but it is interesting how the show seems to head that way. Perhaps, it's more of an agnostic approach to heaven and the afterlife. I don't know.

I am starting to think that the other thing that is being shown is that salvation for the folks are not going to be individually saved, but rather as a community. The characters are going to be dependent on each other in order to bring about a communal salvation. In the flash-sideways, we see this happening as characters are coming into contact with each other and are depending on each other.

Finally, I am beginning to wonder about the Monster and Jacob. I am beginning to think that the conflict is less of a good versus evil kind of thing, but rather opposing ideologies. Back in the first season, it refers to backgammon being the oldest game in the world. One side dark, one side light. It is always implied that dark is evil and light is good. But perhaps what we have are merely two opposing sides. What makes white team good in backgammon and what makes the black team evil? Nothing. It's merely two opposing sides.

Maybe that is where Widmore, Hanso and the Dharma Initiative come in. Perhaps it is a third group that is going to come in and be the true evil in the show. What would make them evil? It may have to do with the concept of control because the initiative was all about discovering how to control and change the end of the world. Perhaps, it is the idea that they need to know everything that marks them as the villains in the story. In the Lord of the Rings, Saruman is considered evil because he was wanting all the knowledge in the world when it is something outside of human grasp. There is nothing wrong with knowledge and power, but when you need to have power beyond your means or drive for knowledge that only God knows, you step outside your place as a person and claim divinity and you will ultimately begin to be better than other people and God himself.

It may be that the two sides have been warring over the wrong thing the whole time. Both have good intentions, but both are missing the point. I still think that Jacob is the closest thing to a divine character and knows the nature of people and is working towards an end that will save the world. But even his followers don't know what he is doing and are getting caught up in the wrong fights. Hmm, sounds familiar doesn't it?

Compassionate Mediator

I was asked the other day to describe myself in two words. It was an interesting exercise, but the answer came fairly easily. I was thinking about my role as a mediator. I tend to find myself in a place where I do not like to take sides. I will not vehemently declare my allegiances in conflicts very often. For instance, I have found that when a friend complains about a situation that they feel another person is being unfair, I rarely jump in and side with my friend. I don't accuse them of lying or anything, but rather I tend to go to this place of trying to see the larger picture.

You see, I believe that in general, people are not out to get other people. I tend to give the people on the other side of the conflict the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe that people are not proactively hurting others. Does that mean I think that people do not commit wrongs on others? Absolutely not. I know it happens a lot. People are greedy and selfish and even people who are good people will make choices that best suit them over others. However, those kinds of decisions are rarely with the idea of hurting someone directly. For instance, a common person would not hold some one up for money or verbally attack another for no reason, but they may cheat here and there in games or download music for free or buy cheap food over organic varieties or not give money to the poor or avoid the annoying people or what have you. They may even do something wrong actively if they believe that it is not hurting anyone. (If you call yourself a follower of Christ, I would say that you should be looking to make more moral choices even when it doesn't hurt anyone, but that's really a tangent to what I'm getting at here) The thing is the common person doesn't want to hurt other people. They are selfish and opportunistic, but they are not hurtful.

Of course, there are plenty of exceptions to this rule. People who make their living off of others by robbing others, or people who are in a terrible environment of survival or those with warped sadistic minds due to background or mental instability or people who are racially intolerant who commit violence in the name of protecting their families. Even then, I think these individuals have evil intentions to hurt others. They may have an unfortunate view of the world that requires them to lash out in order to protect themselves. In the case of racists, they believe that others are less than human and are out to destroy what they consider important which the most tragic part of racism, because they believe they are actually doing something good for the world. These are all exceptions. I am talking about most people.

That is why when I hear a friend complain I try to dig a little further and actually understand the problem. Frequently a disagreement or a disappointment with another person is a result of an unfortunate misunderstanding or unforeseen circumstance that lead to the dispute in the first place. Most often, we are blind to what we have done in the situation and look to others to confirm our biased opinions of the events. Usually people will side with their friends especially if they don't know the other person in the conflict. But I don't do that. I will not do that. I will support my friends, but I try to avoid giving them a free pass and say "Yeah, that guy's a total jerk." In fact, I first try to see what my friend has done in the situation. I try to allow the unknown party as much leniency as I can give. It is the rare exception that it is all one person's fault.

I try to comfort my friends, but I also try to challenge them. Encourage them to make the situation, to see what the other person may have intended. I want to repair broken relationships. Not just my own, but in the lives of my friends. I think forgiveness and restoration of relationships is vital to bringing peace to our lives. We can not allow hate to dwell in our lives because it will sour us.

When my friend asked me to describe myself in two words, I said, "Compassionate mediator". I believe in being fair in how we deal with each other. Loving our friends and family is good for our spirit, but forgiving our enemies is what will save us all.

However, this extends past conflict. I see it in whenever someone has an opinion of something. Especially when you don't like something. There's a difference between not liking something and really despising it. There's a lot of things I don't like, but that is a matter of personal taste. I am not drawn to country music no matter what the caliber of musician or quality of composition. There's exceptions as there always is, but in general I don't care for it. I shouldn't have to defend that. However, if I said I hate or despise country music or say it sucks, that is a much different thing because now I need to defend that. I need to bring a reasoned explanation of my opinion if I want it to be considered valid. It's easy to say that something sucks (especially when it concerns matters of entertainment or art) but that is not allowing me to value your opinion. It's ok to have the opinion that something sucks, but I think you need to be able to articulate that otherwise you really need to say "I don't like it".

We are growing up in a culture of opinions that cascade through blogs and videos that tear into other people's hard work. It takes a whole fleet of people and a years worth (or more) of time to produce a film and only 10 minutes and a connection to the internet to express that you think it sucks. It's so easy to hate something, but it's admirable to see the value of it as a whole.

Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of bad films and bad albums out there and you can come to the conclusion of that objectively, but I do not think that people like doing that. They like to be able to just ridicule something or stand out because "the common folk like something, but not me, because I'm not like the rest of the several million other people and they're dumb for liking something so terrible". If you're going to say that something is terrible, especially popular things, you better be able to defend yourself or just admit that it was not your cup of tea.

I've worked at a video store long enough to realize that an opinion is exactly that. An opinion. Even if I don't like something, doesn't mean that someone else can't. Or if I do like something, it doesn't mean that other people should as well.

The thing is I found that it is important to recognize the good in something. It allows you to enjoy so much more. For instance, I know that G.I. Joe was a movie with a ridiculous plot, thin characters, campy dialogue and way too many explosions, but guess what, sometimes a movie can just be fun. It doesn't need to change the world. It was just trying to have fun and that's perfectly ok. I believe that Crash is a much better film. It is amazingly written with stories interconnected and scenes that can stand on their own as insightful glances into the stark honesty of the troubled realm of racism in North America today. But not everyone will like it. Some people are just going to be reminded of the harsh reality that we live in and will leave the movie disheartened. Maybe they just want to relax and turn off their brain for two hours and forget worries for a little bit. Guess what? G.I. Joe is for them. Actually watch Die Hard, if you haven't yet, but you get my drift. I have both recommended and told people to avoid the "Watchmen". Maybe they're not in the mood. Maybe they like dark movies. Maybe they like smart movies. Maybe they mistakenly think it's a fun superhero movie for the whole family. I can explain the merits and downsides for a given movie.

Why have I switched from talking about something serious as conflicts about people to something superfluous like movie reviews? Because I think there's a connection. Looking for the good in things and people is what will keep us balanced. If we are ready to be dismissive about things and people in our lives, then it is going to lead us to a very negative place.

I want to help people seek understanding in others and the world around us because if you can't see the good, then you're going to turn into a bitter, old crank and I'll have to listen to you complain when I'm trying to play Bingo.

"When something's broke, I wanna put a bit of fixin' on it

When something's bored, I wanna put a little excitin' on it

If something's low, I wanna put a little high on it

When something's lost, I wanna fight to get it back again"

- "The Fixer" from the Pearl Jam album "Backspacer"

Lost in Thought: "Dr. Linus"

I am not going to have much in terms of theories this time around, because this episode was not about background or plot. It didn't even really answer any questions and I am perfectly ok with that because what this episode of Lost dealt with is really what this show is about. It is about redemption. There is nothing hidden away and it was not distracted with the plot and the questions and I thought it may be one of the best episodes to date.

Lost is veiled in mystery as way to draw the audience in and push the story forward. It uses elements of fantasy and science fiction in order to be able to create analogies and examples of the bigger questions of what it means to be human. And that's what good science fiction should do.

The beauty of the flash sideways was really apparent in this episode. It was pretty much the second chance that Ben wish he had with Alex on the island.

What we saw in tonight's episode will most likely win Michael Emerson a second Emmy and he completely deserves it with that scene with Illana in the jungle. After being asked why he would go to Locke and he's voice falters as he responds, "Because he's the only one that will have me." Here is the man who has done terrible things in the name of the island and he admits his guilt and knows what he deserves and then he is given the only thing that would save him and that comes from the gracious words of Illana, "I'll have you."

Lost, you get me in the heart. This episode found a good place in the story. We have just come off a depressing, dramatic encounter at the Temple last week, ending the first act of the season and the second act begins with this peaceful story of redemption, giving us a glimpse of hope in the midst of what could be a grim season.

Now, let's get back to the meat of the mystery. Right after I get this sawdust out of my eye. Trust me, it's nothing. I wasn't crying. It's nothing.

There are three interesting notes in this episode in terms of what is going on. One being the fact that Ben and his dad have both been to the island and were apart of the Dharma Initiative. It brings about the question of what actually causes the island to sink. It could not have been the bomb that set it off. Which would also imply that in the sunken island realm, that Jack and the others did not go back in time there in order to detonate it. What the sunken island realm could be is a parallel universe that is a mirror of the Lost realm.... oh my. It could very well be that the show's name is about this whole universe (not just the strange island) that is lost because it eliminates itself for the good of the sunken island realm. And because it does sacrifice itself, it also gives the sunken island realm the possibility of redemption. Still doesn't answer how the island is sunken, but I'll think about that in another post.

Another interesting event is Jack and Richard almost blowing themselves up, but they cannot because they were touched by Jacob. The rule surrounding it seems to be that if you are touched by Jacob, you are not able to die by your own hand. Thus why the dynamite did not go off because Jack cannot kill himself. Another rule we can assume from being a touched candidate is that the Monster cannot kill them either. The Monster was warned that he cannot kill Sawyer and had indeed saved his life.

The other event that is noteworthy is the appearance of Widmore which was not a surprise at all, especially since he is the new complication to introduce in the second act. The next piece of the story will be revolving around this third party and what that means for the island's struggle between Locke and Illana.

I think that once you can figure out the connection between the Lost Realm and the Sunken Island Realm, then I believe you are going to reveal the majority of the mystery of Lost. I know aliens was an idea that was floated around by some and I was starting to think that that would have to be a possibility as well, but it may not be the case anymore. I think Lost may stick to a non-extra terrestrial answer and I hope it does because otherwise it may be a bit too deux ex machina. We shall see.

Your Will Be Done

A few weeks ago, I posted something about prayer and how I feel like I shouldn't ask for things because it is assuming I know what I need. Perhaps I just need to go through tough times so I can become a stronger person. Anyways, Gavin in the comment section asked about my thoughts on the Lord's prayer and I thought it would be an interesting idea. I would like to think that my ideas on prayer line up with this because if it doesn't, I should be excommunicated. I will say this before I start. Many smarter people have written more in tune ideas about what you're about to read. I'm a fake intellectual.

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name..."

This statement puts everything where it should be. It is a wonderful statement of you are God and I am not in the same league as you. It is important to revere God and sometimes I think that especially with some modern Christians, it is popular to bring God down to our level. That He's our buddy, which I have always felt uncomfortable with. I wrote about this idea a while ago, but it still holds true. God is not one of our human peers. He is the creator of the world. I don't want to hang out with Him at the pub and shoot pool.

"...your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven..."

This is where I see that we have to submit our ideas to what God would have us do. Now, I take this fairly broadly. I once again do not believe that we have to funnel every decision through God and wait for a magic sign for us to proceed on something. That said, we know what God's will is. It is to love God and love others. I'll take a side note and say what I believe it means to love God. The biggest one is respect. When we are talking about loving someone who is in authority, we usually don't mean a romantic love or even a friendship kind of love. Usually, it is a love that shows respect. Like you would to your parents. You show love to your parents by obeying them and valuing their input. You want to love God? It's not by merely saying that you love God, it is also about trying to lead a discipline life.

This prayer reminds us that we want to submit to God and that we want to follow his will. It is also admitting that God's idea of what should happen is not dependent on what I think needs to happen. For the individual, showing respect to God and showing kindness, generosity and compassion for our fellow humankind is our way of backing up our words.

"...give us today our daily bread..."

This implies to me that God is not some magic machine, but rather keeps it simple. I think it also opens us up to being able to make plans. We can make decisions on our own and we can set up our goals as long as we follow God's will of loving Him and loving others. It also puts it on us to actually execute our plans. The prayer does not say that "give us today our daily bread and $40,000 and a passport" but rather just keeps it to what we need. Bread is something we need. God also knows what we need. God knows that if we need $40,000 and a passport and we are working towards it and it is something that needs to happen, it will happen. However, I think we sometimes whole-heartedly believe that we need something specific and maybe it just simply isn't meant to be. Am I saying that it's wrong to ask for something specific? No. I am saying that we need to approach it with humility. That we approach God saying that "This direction seems to be where I need to go and/or where You are calling me next and yet I am not sure how to overcome this obstacle. Help me to find the best way to bring this about whether it is by my hand or with Your help or by Your grace." To me, it seems bizarre that I would declare to God what He should give me.

However, this prayer also admits that we can't always do it on our own, but if God is there to give us the basics, then that is still giving us the ability to do His will.

"...forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors..."

This is, in my mind, an admission of who we are. We are broken and we screw up. It is also a vital reminder about how we need to see our common humanity and how we need to show grace. If this phrase was one that the world could learn to live by, it would be a wonderful thing. It is so difficult to have mercy on those around us when they do something wrong, but somehow we always have a justification for what we do wrong. It is a call to take responsibility, a quality that is elusive to many people. If we do not own up to our own wrongs, then we can never attain the true ability to forgive others and fix broken relationships.

"...and lead us not into temptation..."

This, to me, is one of the most interesting phrases in the prayer. I do not believe that God would lead us to temptation in the first place, so it's a bit curious. In the end, it comes back to the line before it and the line after it and that context is needed. It is another admission of who we are. We are so susceptible to putting ourselves first, that we need God. We need to have it infused into our character to be people of compassion and love, which are not focused on the self but rather outwards. It is a reminder for us that we should not turn in on ourselves but rather keep God's will in mind.

"...but deliver us from the evil one."

Some transcripts say "evil" and not the "evil one". Call me a heretic if you will, but I have been reluctant to admit that there is a devil. In fact, I would even say I don't. Because even if he did exist, it really should not affect how we live our lives. I think that some times when people believe that a devil is trying to get them to do evil things, that it sort of gives people a scape goat for their bad behavior. They tend not to fully own up to their decisions. The fact is, whether it is the devil, another person or our own selfish desire, we still make the decision. It is not anyone else's fault that we make our decisions the way we do. That's why I don't mind not believing in the devil. Just like I don't mind not caring about how Jesus is going to come back because it shouldn't affect how I should live now or even in the future. In some regards we are our own devil. The fight of good and evil is mostly inside the individual. I tend to think that you really can't change people, you can only really change yourself. What is a good decision and what is an evil decision comes down to whether we are others-focused or self-focused. Our temptations are all around us to put ourselves first and maybe some devil is trying to push us in a direction he wants us to go, but he never makes our decisions for us.

I guess, in reflection of the Lord's prayer as a whole, it really has given the outline to my theology. It's interesting because I think that is almost the point of the prayer. This is an outline of what is important in this shared relationship with the heavenly Father. God has given us incredible freedom but we also have the responsibility to a live a life that is in the moment and full of love and grace which is the most difficult life. However, through the grace of God we can live up to it and make it so His will will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

"Too many men

There's too many people

Making too many problems

And not much love to go around

Can't you see

This is a land of confusion.

Now this is the world we live in

And these are the hands we're given

Use them and let's start trying

To make it a place worth fighting for."

- "Land of Confusion" by Genesis from their album "Invisible Touch"

Lost in Thought: "Sundown"

I will start off by saying that I was not really surprised by the episode. Everything that happened has been alluded to in the last few episodes and it turned out as expected. Sayid has now given into Locke's side and has killed the only two significant Temple-dwellers, putting the focus once again onto the original crash survivors.

The thing I am unsure about in terms of what happens next is Locke's plan. The most obvious idea to me would be tracking down the rest of the candidates and either making them join him or be killed. Perhaps he is trying to pursue Jack and Hurley.

Next week's episode is "Dr. Linus" and it will have to be a Ben centric episode and we will see Ilana's next move. I love Michael Emerson's performances because of his amazing ability to creep you out and make you laugh at his macabre humor at the same time.

Speaking of great performances, Martin Keamy's return was very satisfactory. He is really intimidating and oddly charming at the same time. Sort of like Ben.

Before I start getting into some theories and reflections, I should point out to you that I am writing this as I go. I don't plan it out, I just sort of put my thoughts on paper. It's important to realize this because it is very much a stream of consciousness. Some of the thoughts may linger and other I will immediately take back. As I said, I do not have the benefit of knowing everything since they have not given us enough pieces to really put it all together.

Now, what can be gleaned from the episode? Once again, reflections are used in the episode and the flash sideways contrasts with the on island character. However, in this episode something was different than the previous flash sideways in that Sayid has somewhat of a dark ending. The other episodes with Jack, Kate and Locke have generally turned out positively, showing a positive change compared to their on island persona. Sayid is distinctly different in the alternative timeline, but he still gives into killing Keamy again.

One of the ideas that I have heard is that the two timelines will have to converge once again at some point. The other is one where the actions of the folks on the island actually lead to what happens in the flashsideways. I am prone to putting my stake with the former, because once again last week's episode, I believe Jack saw where he was in the alternative timeline. As well, there is a interesting incident from the start of the season when Kate woke up and it sounded like she was underwater. With the recurring images of water and reflections and parallels, I am wondering if the two timelines are actually not two timelines at all, but rather parallel consciences. Sort of like the souls of the people are fighting for their for their souls and outcomes for their off-island analogs. That the two are intertwined with each other. Ok, that's starting to sound too strange. I'm going to put that one on the back-burner.

This next piece is going back to last week and the Lighthouse. One of the important things about traveling to and from the island has been the bearing. When Michael left the island he had to follow the bearing of 305. Same for the freighter people to go to and from the island. If they wavered at all, it would be have dire consequences. However, if the bearing 108 is important (of course Jacob could have been lying about that and arbitrarily chose a number because ultimately he just wanted Jack to smash the mirrors) then maybe there is something to leaving out the different bearings. If anything, maybe the more important number of candidate is 305. Whose number is assigned to that? Is it Michael's? Is it someone else really important?

When Desmond tried to leave the island he wound up coming back perhaps because he could not find the right bearing and maybe there are only a handful that will actually lead you off the island. And if there is only one or a few that do, it would be interesting to know which bearings they line up to and what number they correlate with the candidate list.

Well, that's where I have to leave it for now. We're right in the middle of the season and this is where they are really pulling out all the guts of the mystery, so it's hard for me land on a solid theory right now. But of course, that is what the writers are trying to do. So good job?

Spoiler Alert: We All Die in the End

In a few days, it will be the twelfth anniversary of my dad's death. I have experienced my share of death in my day between my aunts and uncles, friends and acquaintances. Death is one of those subjects that is fascinating to me as I observe it in the North American context. I mean, I guess some of these observations may apply to the rest of the world, but I have not been to the rest of the world, so I feel I should qualify it.

The first is the curious reaction of Christians to death. In particular, reaction to other Christian's deaths. It seems as though when people mourn, it is expressed in such a way that seems like it is a permanent separation. That once a person dies, you will never find that person again, because I suppose they believe heaven's probably going to be some sort of ginormous city with one of the worst transit systems in the metaphysical realm. It is such a solemn time. I get that you want to respect some one who has died (I really try avoid those gussied up terms like "passing on" or "crossed over" or what have you. Unless I'm talking to someone in mourning, then I use them so I won't be a dink). But it seems like it should be a time to reflect on who that person was and what they brought to the experience of the community. What could you learn from their life? And not just the positive things. The negative things, too. This was a person and you can learn from their story just like we can learn from anyone's story. I like the idea of an Irish wake. One where you sit around and tell stories about the person. It's not so focused on what is missing, but instead what was had.

Death is something that people tend to forget as a part of our journey. That it is an inevitability that all must experience. Noticed how I avoided terms like "face" or "endure" or "conquer". Death is not our enemy. Death is not even an entity. It is the conclusion to a story and that is all. It is like the last piece of the puzzle that gets put into place.

The other weird thing about death in North America is how it highlights how vapid and self-centered people are and how much people actually do not respect life and other living beings. I am specifically thinking of what happened in the wake of Michael Jackson's death. Before his death, he was the favourite target of most comedians, late night show hosts, and even jokes amongst the buddies. People laughed at his choices, his struggles, his pain and his identity. They harassed him and disrespected him to be beneath themselves. The strange thing is, he dies and suddenly he was everyone's inspiration and a cultural hero. Where was that when he was alive?

Suddenly, it was fashionable to buy his old music and to say how you loved his music. But while he was alive it was perfectly fine to make fun of his struggles and problems and pain. That's fair game.

If you are always teasing or making fun of the one you claim to respect, but never say anything encouraging, did you ever really respect them? I see it all the time when couples or friends tease each other, but they never seem to balance it off with something positive. If all you hear is negativity (even in jest because you actually do like them) then it is bound to rub off on you.

Death is treated with such misunderstanding in our culture that it actually hinders some peoples' lives. They avoid adventure and risk or they only see a ticking clock and thus they need to push as much happiness and pleasure in as possible. They don't have time to grow, they're running out of time! I need money and success now! What is a life without everything I want? 'Cause death is a comin' and I'm looting this place as much as I can before I get out of here and I don't care how many old people and children I have to trample to get out. They will take away the lives of others to preserve their own. It's such a strange road we walk and such strange people we walk with.

I try to approach each death that comes across in my life and try to use it as an opportunity to learn about life. When dad died, I learned how much I had structured my life and goals around him and how I needed to be careful in my own decisions, because time can slip away on you. I learned from the deaths of past acquaintances, how important it is to be living your life and not wasting it. Death is not the tragedy, but living a long, hollow life is.

I don't want to say that we should live recklessly because death doesn't mean anything, but rather coming to the understanding that is a necessity. What is worse? A story that comes to a conclusion or a story that never ends? Some people fear death because they do not want to face punishment and pain. I am afraid of death because I may go living forever.

I know so many Christians who cannot stand the tough times in life and so they are so heaven-focused that they lose their footing on earth. They cannot wait to get to heaven and live in peace and unending joy. They forgot that Jesus taught us to pray, "Thy Kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven". We're supposed to be living in peace and unending joy here. And you can do that. It's an attitude, not an environment.

I, on the other hand, am afraid of forever. From my limited human perspective, I cannot conceive of anything that would be good forever. I mean, yes God is good and He has been and will be good forever, but I see no point in existing forever as a human. Even if God was to open my mind and allow me to become infinitely wise and intelligent, then He is tinkering with what He made in a way similar to how George Lucas tinkered with the Star Wars movies and turned them into something they weren't by trying to make it better. However, I will submit that He may very well have something that I cannot possible imagine and I will be eating crow when I get to heaven. Crow I will very happily eat I'm sure. But if it turns out that the best ending is that I come to the end of my life and get to lie in my grave until I turn into dust, I will be content because I have already lived the best I could.

"Oh, and if I die

Before my time

Oh, sweet sister of mine

Please don't regret me if I die

Bartender, please

Fill my glass for me

With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free

After three days in the ground."

- "Bartender" by the Dave Matthews Band from their album Busted Stuff

Lost in Thought: "Lighthouse"

Spoilers are following for those who have not seen the Season 6 episode of Lost that aired on February 24th.

I will start off this post by getting ahead of myself a little bit (a tactic that Lost likes to use, so I feel it is appropriate) and say that next week's episode I believe will be a very important one with the fact that they did not even create much of a teaser for it and the fact that we now know that Locke is on his way to the Temple. It seems like the whole plan for Jacob was to ensure that none of the candidates that have not been corrupted yet are not at the Temple. There has to be a better way to say that. I don't care, I just need to get this out.

I am not surprised that Jack and Hurley have come across the caves and once again opens up the question of who are the two bodies in the caves. Currently, I am still sticking with Jack and Kate.

The introduction of David is an interesting thing because he only exists in the no-island timeline. I guess that could theoretically be possible with the fact that if things had turned out differently that consequences would be different. It was just that I was under the assumption that if something happened in the one timeline, that it will occur in the other one. For instance that Charlie with eventually die or that Locke will regain the ability to walk. However, it's starting to now seem that the two timelines are similar to each other, but can be much different from the other and not just cosmetically different. Also names have been always been significant in this show and generally a TV show does not just repeat a name even if it's a common name. Now I can think of think of three other instances of the name. Hurley's dad's name is Dave, his imaginary friend was Dave, and Libby's ex-husband was Dave. Is there a connection between these characters? Not directly. I think the connection might be a little more vague. There's a good chance that it's a red herring, however. Know what? I don't care anymore about this one. We need more info and after this I would just be making up connections.

I was talking with Brad and he made a note about the mirror and I think he may be onto something. He said that what if the whispers came from the person or people watching them on from the Lighthouse. As we saw, the mirrors's angles are assigned to different people and if you can spy on the different people, it may mean you can be heard on the other side. Thus the whispers. The thing was that there were mirrors there and if the one mirror was showing Jack's house that he grew up in, it may be actually pointed at where Jack was in the flashsideways because he was there helping his mom find the will of Christian. Perhaps the mirrors can see both versions of reality.

I feel I don't really need to speak to the situation with Jin and Claire. It seemed pretty straightforward. Claire is associated with the monster and Jin is being brought along for the ride. The monster is going to the Temple and mess some people up, maybe take over something. Maybe take Sayid as his own.

I guess it turns out that 108 belongs to someone named "Wallace". Not Kate like I was imagining. Oh well.

Hey, this is an interesting thought. Jack is the only one in the flashsideways so far that has indications of his time on the island. He seems to not remember things earlier in his life like his appendectomy. He was also the one that was way out in the middle of the jungle in the pilot by himself which was always a little strange. He had claimed at the time that he had passed out when the plane was going down and never saw it crashed. I am wondering if there are special circumstances surrounding Jack and the two timelines. I do not have a complete thought here yet...

See people might assume that I some great insight into the show of Lost and then when they finally catch up to me in watching the episodes, they realize, "oh, wait, it's just because he has watched everything."

Don't Skip to the End!

I was talking to this guy that I had met on the bus because he had a book on fasting and decided that I might as well start a conversation. It's an old trick I learned at Roger's. One of the best way to approach a customer is to ask about what they have in their hand and if they have a movie you like, then you can enlighten them with what you like about it and go from there about what other movies they might like or what have you. Anyway, so I was asking him about fasting and why it interested him and one of the things he said was "so that I can know how to pray more effectively and get what I want." I thought that was interesting but I didn't follow up on it. In hindsight, I wish I would have.

Long gone are the days for me where I ask God for anything specific anymore. Not that I lack faith that He can do it, so much as I lack the belief that He would do it. In the past, I was one of like that guy on the bus and would ask God to give me things that I wanted and even needed. There was a couple of times when things came through for me and it was great, but it was through people that it happened.

I came to the realization that a lot of the times when God works miracles, it is through His people. God didn't magically print out more money to deliver to my mailbox, it was through the generosity and the intuition of one of His people. Now, of course, yes, you can attribute that to God and ultimately it is because He has laid out for us in His Word that we should live in such a way that is generous. I think one of the things that people overlook or maybe realize but wish wasn't true is that we have a big part in the work of God. This may seem to contradict what I have said earlier about me believing that people are not particularly special as individuals, but it does not contradict it because the work of God is not reserved for the few who receive some grand call on their lives or who have been given special gifts or talents. Instead, despite how distasteful it is to take time and resources to reach out and help others that is what it means to live a godly life. One that holds loosely onto their possessions so that all can pursue a life of good. One of the things I really liked about the movie "Evan Almighty" is the message of "be the miracle". We wait for God to change our circumstances and a lot of the times our circumstances will change if we are just willing to do it. We just don't because it's hard or painful or we're lazy.

I think that's why for me, I don't like to pray for something specific, because when I do, I am assuming what I really need. I am looking for the easy way out. Can you give me more money? Will you please heal me? Can you make "Jersey Shore" go away now? However, what I have learned from living here in North America is that when you are given whatever you want or things always go your way, you have been given a shallow life. A life that only knows one dimension. A life that revolves around being happy does not know what to do when bad times finally come.

When God offered to give Solomon anything he desired in the world, he did not ask for riches or love or good health. He asked for wisdom. It is the only story I know where God opens it up and says "you can have anything and I will give it to you" and the guy chooses wisdom? God is pleased with Solomon's answer and in return gives him wisdom along with riches and things people would normally want. People are short-sighted sometimes because we think the ends is the most important part and it's not. The means in which in we get there is. People want the riches, not the hard work or discipline to get there. People want the answers to Lost, but don't want to watch six seasons of the show in order to find out. People think that the life of a good person is all about heaven, not the path that leads you there. Life is about building yourself up so that you can weather the tough times and still be able to reach out to those around you and bless them.

That's why when I pray, I try to avoid using phrases where I am asking for things, but rather for understanding in order to navigate the problems. I try to ask for awareness of possible solutions. I pray for intuition. I pray for courage to make the right choice. I pray for the will to actually do what I have to do. I pray for peace so that I can be ready for what is to come. I pray for compassion so that I don't forget about others and what I can do for them. I pray that I can trust that things will work out for the best. Of course, I also pray that if God or one of His people can help me out in a tangible way, please help because it's tough to sometimes do everything yourself.

Sometimes the answer is easy and sometimes the solution will just swoop in from nowhere, but I don't think it is fair to expect that from God. It would cheapen our experience just like it would cheapen my experience if Damon Lindeloff and Carlton Cuse tells me what's the deal with that stupid island. The thing is, the perfect solution for the problem at hand might be one that we hate, but it is the one we must face in order to become better people. It's not because God can't or won't but rather that we need to step up to the plate as both individuals and as a people and become what we need to be.

I think some people hang on the metaphor of God being a king. The person you'd go to if you had a problem and ask for the resources to help you out and it is kind of a business deal. However, it may be appropriate to kind of see prayer as an audience with a wise man. Some one to talk about life with and talk about where it's going. Taking time to reflect on the good things that are happening to help give perspective. It's an opportunity to bounce ideas and share frustrations with and it's an opportunity to pause the world and realize that the solution was perhaps with you the whole time.

"I can only see half of what's going on

But I'm alright cause I can still smile

I can still smile."

- "Smile" from Wide Mouth Mason's album "Stew"

Lost in Thought: "The Substitute"

Wow, that episode was fantastic. They have unloaded a lot of information and it's going to be a lot to dig through. I think I might just take some highlights and make a few comments.

Let's start with the idea of the numbers. I'll be honest, I really did not expect any more from the numbers. I kind of figured that they were random numbers picked arbitrarily to connect to the Valenzetti equation and then used for the computer. However, after this episode, now I have to reexamine my thought on that. I mean, I think the writers picked the numbers at random, but the function of the numbers in the story was always intentional. People who are brought to the island were assigned numbers (I am going to say at random) and as Jacob was determining who would be the best candidates, the six numbers assigned to the individuals started to take on importance. That's why they were broadcast from the radio station.

This leads me to the next idea about the candidates in general. One thing that jumped out to me was that all of them (with the possible exception of "Kwon") are male (which leads me to believe it is supposed to be "Jin"). Now, I think this is significant because I think we might find that there is going to be a female counterpart. Maybe that list is elsewhere or the female is selected in a different way, but I am wondering if that the candidate and the female counterpart have a special role to play. What I am referring to is that they may wind up becoming "Adam" and "Eve" that were the two bodies found in the caves by Jack and Kate way back in Season 1. Remember that? Does anybody remember that? Remember that there were two stones found in the pocket of the male and that Jack took them and put them in his pocket. What we may have is the same weird thing that happened with Locke's compass where Locke gave the compass to Richard so that Richard can give it to Locke and thus creating this strange loop. It could be that those two stones could be in the similar loop. Jack takes the stones from the body and then later Jack dies and becomes that dead body. Which would be interesting in that the black and white stones represent the struggle between good and evil and the statement from that could be that there is no beginning and no end to the struggle between good and evil. As long as there is people, that is the eternal struggle. Man, that sounds kind of smart. Heck, even if this gets proven wrong, I'm still going stick with it. Now, since Jack is still one of the candidates and arguably the actual protagonist of the show and has fought so hard against the idea of having a destiny and how his character has slowly evolved over the course of the show, it would be fitting that his character finds his destiny as the candidate. He once believed he was there by coincidence and has taken on the idea that he is supposed to be there. So who would be "Eve"? I think you know where I'm going with this one. It would be so fitting that Jack and Kate, who originally found the bodies together, become the bodies together. I mean, there were no other characters present when they first discovered the bodies and I think that may have been intentional. Although, they may tease the Jack-Kate-Sawyer triangle or possibly the Jack-Kate-Sawyer-Ghost Juliet rhombus, ultimately we are going to see Sawyer go to the dark side or at the very least not be with Kate. There has been much more emphasis on the Jack-Kate aspect and the writers of the show really like to make certain statements a foreshadow of what's to come even if it's not apparent at the time it was said. In this case, the line that Kate says in Season 5 when Jack asks Kate to be on his side when he presents the idea of the Oceanic 6's deception, "I've always been on your side." I think you really are going to see that through in this case. I think you're going to see Jack step into the role of the new Jacob.

I suppose that it is also very likely that the candidate is not Jack, but Jack and Kate still become Adam and Eve and it all makes sense. I was just riffing on the whole candidates are all males thing.

Anyway, other interesting thing was the kid that Sawyer and Locke saw in the jungle and warned Locke about following the rules. The rule probably was that Locke is not allowed to kill the candidates (other people are fair game). That kid could have been an incarnation of Jacob and maybe children are special to the island for that reason? Either that or the kid is actually an older version of Aaron. Whaaaa?

An interesting thing about the flash sideways is that Locke had accepted the idea that he can't do everything and instead became a teacher instead. Meanwhile, evil Locke still fervently holds onto the idea that he cannot be told what he can't do. The whole idea of fate. It's interesting that the monster seems to be saying that Jacob forced the six to make choices, but what I think you see is that the monster is the one exerting it's will. Jacob may have touched the folks, but I do not believe he took away their free will. I don't know. They are trying really hard to blur who represents fate and who represents free will.

One other thing I was thinking about is that we have seen both Ethan and Ben outside of the island and that actually proves what I said a couple of weeks ago to be at least partially inaccurate. Because Ben and Ethan would have both been on the island when the bomb had been detonated and thus it could not have been the bomb that sunk the island. However, something else may have done it. I will have to think on it some more.

Lost in Thought: "What Kate Does"

Although this episode was Kate-centric, it was really about Claire. It hinted at past events of Claire and has established her return. There is a lot going on here, so I am going to take different scenes in a random order and try to explore the possible implications of that on the story and Claire's role in the story.

One of the most intriguing events in the episode was appearance of Ethan, who was a major player in Claire's story earlier in the series. In the off island story, Ethan is a baby doctor (or whatever the technical name is for that) and talks to Claire about giving her drugs so that she does not have to give birth so early.

One of the trends in this alternative timeline (the producers have said that they don't like using that term, saying that this new off-island story is not a secondary or lesser than the island events, but for a lack of better term, I will use it) is that the characters are more or less in the same scenario as they were at the start of the series and that this timeline explores what would have happened without the plane crash. The archetype of the characters are essentially the same. Hurley is still a lottery winner. Jack is still a spinal surgeon, Kate is still a fugitive, etc. More to the point, Ethan can be assumed that he is filling a role that he had in the original timeline and that is on the island, he was also a baby doctor. This may also imply that he knew what he was doing with Claire on the island and not just taking orders, but rather he was trying to protect Claire through his medical training. The drugs he was injecting into her when she was taken away from the other castaways was to prevent the baby from being born on the island because of the fact other pregnant women have died. It may indicate that he really did have Claire's best interest in mind.

Another major event in this episode links Sayid to Claire's fate. I had always assumed that Claire did in fact die in the attack by Keamy and his fellow mercenaries on New Otherton. When she woke up that night and saw Christian, this was when she was "claimed" like Sayid is. Now, I had assumed that maybe Claire was another one of the forms of the monster like Christian, but this episode seems to indicate that Claire and Sayid are different than merely a form of the monster, but rather raised from the dead for the sake of fulfilling the monster's purposes. The monster has been associated with the idea of Cerberus, who was the guardian of the underworld in Greek mythology. The reason Dogen wanted Sayid dead was because of the tainted nature that Sayid inherited from this second life. What would Dogen fear so much about Sayid. I think the answer lies with another one who may have been claimed and that is Rousseau's team members. In the episode where Jin was with them, he witnessed the team member who was romantically connected to Rousseau try to attack her in a way that is out of sync of his character. We know that the team members were in contact with the monster and may have been "claimed" at that point. It is possible that once "claimed" the monster can take over the body and do as it will.

The question then is, what is the difference between the state Christian is and the state that Claire is in? Is Christian and Locke under the same thing curse that Claire and the Rousseau team members are under?

It's clear that this season is about defining who is on who's side and which side is the good side and which one is the evil side and I believe the original timeline and the alternative timeline are actually connected in some very major way. Aside from the producers actually saying so, it is also clear in the way Claire and Kate talked about the baby's name being Aaron.

That's where I'll leave it for now. I know I said I was going to talk about the smoke monster more, and I want to actually walk through what Jacob's nemesis' plan was and see if that sorts out some issues, but I was more interested in the role of Claire and Ethan. And now I'm about to fall unconscious. Good night.

You Are Not a Beautiful Snowflake

I was at Bible study last night with some folks and we were talking about calling and purpose and what's the difference. It was essentially us trying figure out the semantics and use of the words inside the Christian context. However, the discussion touched on many ideas that revolve what is a person's role in this world and it happened to touch on the idea of special.

I think the idea of special is one that really bothers me because I think it is one that has really penetrated our society and collective philosophy. I grew up in school being told that everyone is special and that I was apart of a generation that could change the world. I think the last part of that is funny, because that is innate to every generation. Anyway, I have never liked that word of special because it is used too liberally and has negatively impacted my generation and the ones that follow, especially when people were using it, they usually were intending the word uniqueness.

I believe that everyone is their own person and have their own thoughts and have their own path even if it does parallel several others. They are given a different environment with different family situations and different towns and schools. People from all over the world might make similar choices to you, but there are so many aspects to a person's being, character, history, thought process and perspective that they are their own.

Special on the other hand implies that you have something that is above and beyond everybody else. Whether it is some special talent or skill that rises above all the rest or that you have been given an earth shaking responsibility that could change the world. That is what special is. It is interesting because people use the terms unique and special interchangeably which has deceived many people think that they are some bright shining star high above all the rest. Look at American Idol and the continual parade of delusion that trots out their underdeveloped or simply non-existent skill or talent. These people are shocked to have learned 20 years too late that they are not gifted singers and that clearly the tuned ears of professionals are the ones that are mistaken. They have come to believe that their secret talent is what's going to rescue them from their dull lives and bring them the celebrity life that they deserve because they are special.

Look at movies. They do not help at all. Aside from the movie "Fame", most of those coming of age movies have some young protagonist who wants to pursue their dream of being the world's greatest musician/filmmaker/Rolling Stone article writer and they endure the trials of their career choice despite the objections of their parents or what all those mentors have to say and eventually they make it. You never hear of the other 99% of endings to those stories where they realize that they don't have the real discipline, fortune, skill or talent to actually make that dream become a reality and they are left in a wasteland of disillusionment of who they have determined themselves to be.

Even if a person doesn't actually pursue their dream, they still believe that if they really wanted to, they could make it which is the great deception of people's egos. Seriously, if you asked the guy working at the burger joint that if he really put all his effort into his dream of becoming the next Jimi Hendrix or Jim Morrison or Fred Durst, they would say that yes, they could they just don't want the lifestyle or to buckle down and do it or whatever other reason. They realize it would take work and time, but they frequently believe that they could if given time, money, and resources because they know they have some special gift or message for the world. The reality way more often than not that no you couldn't.

It has crept into our North American thought so much, that it even creeps into our theology. We believe that God has some special plan just for us and we have to be primarily concerned with determining what that is. People hold back until they hear that magic voice that commands them to go forth and do whatever God says. The reality is that God does have a call on our lives, but it is way more basic than people wish. Love God and love others. That is it. Now, there may be some that get some grand task given to them from on high, but chances are that that person is not you or me. We have been given a sphere of influence and that is what we are responsible for. We are meant to reach out to those that we can love and influence. We are not going to save the world. You are not Moses. You are not Solomon. You are not John. You definitely are not Jesus. Most likely, you're not one of the people mentioned in the genealogies. You are not a beautiful snowflake. Ok, that one was maybe a little harsh. But it's that kind of message that is drowned out by so much of the media and culture that surrounds us. We are being coddled and not pushed.

Here's the thing. We are unique, just (most likely) not special. At least special on a cosmic scale. However, we are special to some people. I think of my friends as special people because I have a relationship with them. I can see that divine spark in them. I have different bonds with different people. When you are in love, you have a special connection to that person you're in love with. And you're special to them. The rest of the world could disappear, but if you're with the one you love, then it's ok.

Don't bother with thinking that you are special, because you are setting yourself up for a grand disappointment. If God has some special plan for you, He'll make sure you know. In the mean time, reach out to those around you. Find the divine spark in them. Make them special to you.

"You know what you are

You're gonna be a star

Wing is written on your feet

Your achilles heel is a tendency to dream

But you've know that from the beginning

You didn't have to go so far

You didn't have to go."

- "All the Way to Reno" from R.E.M.'s album "Reveal"

Lost in Thought: "LA X"

The long wait to the new season of Lost was well worth it after taking in the two hour season premiere. I am excited to see where this season goes and what they do with the story. However, I wanted to actually write down my thoughts about the new episodes as they come along just to see how well I can understand where the story is going. Each week, I want to write about various topics that come up in the show. Obviously, these posts are going to mean nothing to people who are not current with the show and if you are trying to catch up, then please, do not read these because it's going to riddled with spoilers. With that, let's start.

This week, I am going to tackle the big turn in the story which is a direct result of the season 5 finale. I was wondering how they were going to handle the bomb detonating at the pocket of electromagnetism. From various sources, there was an implication that the bomb would reset the timeline and that flight 815 would land in Los Angeles safe. The problem with that though would be that the island would be abandoned and the idea that this show centers around the island would not work or they would really have to stretch to make it work for the characters to go back and in addition you would the problem of a time paradox. However, if the bomb failed, then all the main characters would be dead with the story nowhere to go.

That's where the timeline split comes in, which does not completely surprise me, but I was unsure of how they'd handle it. I mean, you are tracking two stories of characters in two different realities and I can potentially see that being confusing for much of the audience (although I assume that much of the audience who watch the show are fairly intelligent). The two realities (or parallel timelines) that were created by the incident at the Swan site and both need to exist on a metaphysic level otherwise it would cause a time paradox as I previously mentioned. The first reality is one where the bomb successfully detonated and ultimately sinks the island to below the seas' surface in 1977. Since the island sinks, there is no hatch constructed on it, thus no button for Desmond to press and thus it did not bring down Flight 815. The plane lands safely in the Los Angeles airport and things are relatively normal for the passengers. However, minor differences are apparent in the lives of the characters due to the ripple effect of the island never playing a role in the lives. I will call this parallel universe the "no island" reality.

However, this would mean that since the plane did not wreck on the island, it also means that Jack and his crew would not go on the series of events that leads them to going back to 1977 and thus detonate the bomb that sinks the island. It's a time paradox, so on a metaphysical level, there needs to be a reality where the island still exists and the hatch is created and the plane crashes and the events of the first 5 seasons occur. They get bumped back to 2007 and exist in the same reality as Sun, LaPedus, and Ben because in relativity that is how much time has passed for both the Ajira crew and for Jack and the others. This is the "island exists" reality.

Ok, that was basically a review of what actually happened on the episode and doesn't really have a theory in it, but what does this idea mean for some of the other mysteries of the island? I don't know yet, I will have to think about it more. The other major development is the identity of the smoke monster as being Jacob's nemesis and the fake Locke. I will deal with that next time.

What I really look forward to in this season is the development of the two alternative timelines because I have not seen this in any other show or movie really. It will be interesting to see what the characters would have done without the impact of the island on their lives. It is also a tool for the main debate of the whole show which is fate vs. free will. If we have a specific fate, then you will be seeing the two realities parallel each other. You will see Boone die in the "no island" reality, along with Charlie, and the others that died in the original "island exists". It will be very much like the Final Destination franchise in that regard and there will be nothing that can be done to prevent it. However, if the philosophy of the show leans towards free will, then you are going to see vastly different outcomes for the characters in the two realities. Maybe in one, the character has a tragic end, but then you can see that they have a second chance in another life.

Can we change fate? That's what Lost has asked from the start and I am looking forward to see how the writers tackle it.

"See you in another life, brotha," - Desmond