The last Early Night Show I did, I had a theme of how life kicks the crap out of you and how all there is left to do is pick yourself up again and push forward. For me, the summer has been really good for me personally. It has been busy and that's what I like especially if it's doing stuff I like. I have been writing scripts and working on talks. I have been performing and speaking to churches and youth alike. I have been doing work that I really enjoy.
In fact, I have been enjoying it so much, I wish I could do it all the time. It would so awesome just to continue to travel from place to place and doing whatever was needed wherever I was. I like the variety and meeting new people and that I can be creative in presenting games and ideas.
I have been learning a lot about myself and why I do the things I do and why I have done the things I have done. For the first couple of months in the summer, I have been talking to a counsellor and sorting through some of the things I have been dealing with internally and understanding my dark passenger.
I think one of the reasons I really like doing this style of ministry, is because I got to stay with billets. Some people really dread it and I can understand the downside of always having to be social, considerate, and polite as a guest in a home, but for me I really liked it. I think it has to do with the idea that I got to stay in a home with people that even for the few days we would stay there would care about me and what I was doing and where I was going. It was like having a surrogate family. This summer, I realized why I liked the surrogate family. It's because it was better than my own family.
Ever since my dad died twelve years ago, it was really the death of my own sense of family. Dad was my best friend and was more of the glue in the family than I realized. I've come to reflect on my experience with my growing up and noticed that although I may have spent more time with some of my friends from the school, I have had the most intimate and meaningful conversations with my dad. He was the one that would balance out my mom who I think had a hard time raising Darwin and myself. When he died, so did that balance.
The source of meaningful and even tolerable conversation in my home disappeared. I have had and continue to have trouble connecting with my family on a deep level and going to these places where families and individuals are more like family to me than my own has been good for me. At the same time, kind of tragic. I like to travel and go to these places to find a sense of home and learn how to have a family which is so backwards for so many others. I think that is why the ideal of a wanderer appeals to me so much.
I have thoroughly enjoyed the summer because the work has kept my mind busy and doing something that I feel is of value. I am putting my skills to work in a positive manner and getting encouraging feedback. I want to continue doing what I have been and am looking at opportunities to come into a situation and offer my unique set of skills and continue moving on.
I am considering the idea of short internships at various churches and looking to help with their dramatic presentations and youth programs. That way I can focus on writing and performing and introducing thought-provoking drama and comedy sketches to churches and looking to possibly establish a drama team for when I leave. In the event that my style is not appreciated, I would be moving on soon anyways and I would be helping in their youth programs with perhaps planning events and games and connecting with youth which any church could use.
I like the image of a traveling preacher who comes in and alongside a church and introduces new ideas and impacting the way things are done and challenging the body before moving on. It would use my abilities and shake things up a little bit. I believe that drama and comedy has a place in the realm of the church but it is not fully realized nor is it's potential understood.
Eventually, I will have to settle down and sort things out, but maybe this is what I need. I have felt more at home in the homes of strangers and maybe that it is where my home truly is for now. I can see what family looks like and acts like and most importantly feels like. Then I can start my own.
I don't fear for my future and I can see hope in what I am planning. It is almost reminiscent of the early apostles and the "Littlest Hobo", both of which are awesome. I think that's where I am going to leave it for now, but this has been a great summer and many other things are tumbling around in my head and I will talk about them later, but just know that I am happy and hopeful.
"There’s a voice that keeps on calling me
Down the road is where I’ll always be
Every stop I make, I’ll make a new friend
Can’t stay for long, just turn around and I’m gone again.
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.
Down this road, that never seems to end,
Where new adventure, lies just around the bend.
So if you want to join me for a while
Just grab your hat, come travel light – that’s hobo style.
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home."
- "Maybe Tomorrow" by Terry Bush
