Monday, December 12, 2011

The Three Monthiversary Gift

Kyla is going to be in Nelson in less than thirty two hours and I thought it is time for me to write in here again. Especially since I have not written many reflections on my relationship with her. This blog is supposed to be me reflecting on my life and a major part of the last few months has been concerned with her. I suppose I don't want to write too much about our relationship because I suppose that people would not like that. That's it's too easy or basic or maybe private for the sphere of a semi-public blog. However, this blog has a part intention to give people insight into my life so that maybe they will learn about me or perhaps even reflect on their own life. The reality is, if I'm going to be honest about my life, this has to come up.

I also want to be sensitive to her as well, because the subject of the post is literally her. I have never really written about a person or a relationship and I am reluctant to write because I don't want to come off as a silly teenager. Nonetheless, I hope that it is a good experience for everyone.

Last month, we had our three monthiversary which I understand is not a major thing to bulk of humanity. I realize that some people get somewhat over giddy about such landmarks and it makes me roll my eyes as well. Probably because three monthiversaries have occurred a billion times over the course of history, but it's apart of the territory.

In fact, this brings me to another of my renowned Arbitrary Rules of Thumb, which is in regards to the celebration of dating relationship landmarks:
1 month - You casually mention it in the conversation with your partner. No gift!
3 month - You go on a creative date but nothing super fancy and/or a small token of remembrance.
6 month - You go to a nicer dinner, consider having flowers or a poem or a song you've written or a piece of macaroni art. If you have not done so, you should reveal your nerdiest obsession you have. Don't hide that any longer.
1 year - You go on a special dinner, perhaps add dancing or stop an armed robbery, definitely have flowers, wear a tie (even if you're a girl) and throw in a surprise (like magic).
Then you celebrate every year after that until finally one of you breaks down and asks the other one to marry. I don't know why I made myself come up with all the things you need to do. All I had was timing. What I know for sure is that people who celebrate a ten monthiversary bother me because it's too arbitrary. It does not break down into the clean fractions of fourths and halves of years.

Anyway, I knew I wanted to note the three months with a small token and so I decided that I would handwrite a letter and send a couple of trinkets. I was down at the wedding in Mexico and figured that would be a good place to pick up something. I have never bought anybody anything on a vacation before, so I thought that'd be special in and of itself.

Now, Kyla likes to collect keychains, so that was an easy buy. However, that alone seemed lame. I may be a cheap jerk, but I'm a little better than that. It was while I was down in Mexico that I was reflecting on who Kyla was to me and I tried to find something that expressed something deeper.

While I was down at the wedding, each member of the wedding party was given the same outfit, but with varying colours. The guys each wore the same white pants, white shirt, vest and fedora and then the tie and a bracelet of a certain colour that would match the bridesmaids' dresses. The colour assigned to me happened to be green. I don't care particularly for green, but I knew that it was Kyla's favourite.

As a part of an ongoing game at the wedding, we were to wear our bracelet the entire week for fear of losing points that I am not entirely sure at this point meant. But I wore it all week and never took it off.

Whenever I had a shower or go to bed and would have normally removed something like a bracelet, I just kept it on. Wearing jewellery is a foreign concept for me and I was noticing the bracelet all the time. Of course, after I'd notice it, I was also reminded how green is Kyla's colour. Then I would be thinking of her.

The week progressed and I found that I was enjoying myself and I was relieved. I thought that it was going to be a bad experience and that I would regret going. But I didn't. I had a good time and am thankful that I went. I was thinking about it as I played with the bracelet on my wrist and thought back to the summer when Kyla and I were spending time together. I remember being reluctant to go into a relationship, because I was thinking it was going to be terrible to deal with the distance and other concerns I had and I thought it would be a trial that was not worth it because I would screw it up or I would invest and be heartbroken. And here I find myself three months later, thinking about her when I was down in Mexico, taking time out to still Skype her, even if it meant doing it awkwardly in the middle of the courtyard of the inn. 

Then the wedding came around and I stood within feet of my friend, Erik exchange vows with Jen. As the rings came forward I was reminded of the jewellery on my own wrist and the green that took me back to thoughts of Kyla. I then knew what the other part of my gift would be.

It was fitting that Erik and Jen symbolized their devotion to their marriage with metal rings, something that doesn't just break easily. It's always said how the ring serves as a reminder of that unending bond. I thought it was fitting to send my bracelet made of green string and shells. I may not be ready to promise her marriage yet, at the same time I want to remind her that I am devoted to her until I am ready to give her something more permanent.

I continued to wear the bracelet after I got back to Nelson and only took it off to put it in the envelope with the keychain and a letter.

I don't know why I am telling random readers about something like this. I don't know what's to gain. Maybe there's nothing and I'm creating as a reminder to my future self. I suppose for me, I believe in the power of symbol and the importance of creating things that help you to remember. Maybe this post can be an encouragement to you to find those things that remind you of the ones in your life because it can be too easy to forget.

The sad tragedy of those who can afford the fanciest rings and flashiest weddings is that the glitz sometimes blinds you of what these things are supposed to do. They are not about making the couple feel like royalty for a day, it's about community and the ongoing model of declared devoted love. The ring is to remind you of the vows to unending love.

I don't know if this relationship will come to marriage. We're still young. We're still learning about each other. I am looking for wisdom and discernment but I know I will remember to not take something beautiful for granted.

Ky, I love you.

"But the strangest today
So far away and yet you feel so close
And I'm not gonna question any other way
There must be an open door
For you... to come back
And the days they linger on
And every night when I'm waiting for
The real possibility that I may meet you in my dreams
Sometimes you're there and you're talking back to me
Come the morning I can swear that you're next to me
And it's okay."
- "Come Back" from Pearl Jam's self-titled album


Anonymous said...

How do the arbitrary rules of thumb apply if there is no exact date of the start of the relationship? It was nothing, then many days spent together passed and so came the realization that it wasn't nothing anymore. I want my macaroni art!

David Rae said...

Annonymous, is there an event you could use as a cornerstone event to mark as the supposed start time? Perhaps a night where you held up a boom box outside her window playing Peter Gabriel or perhaps the day you saved her from a speeding train or to be not sexist, when she saved you from a hostage situation? Then you can get your macaroni art.