[Note from David: It was brought to my attention that this post was miscommunicated to people who read it. While I was trying to communicate my difficulty in knowing how to get people to help, it could have been read that others were incapable of helping me which is a mistake on my part and not my intention. I have edited it to try and communicate better what I intended. I apologize to those who believed that I thought less of them.]
We have now finished our first full week at Covenant Bay and it has been a busy week. It was probably too much. One of the nights involved me staying up until 5am editing videos that would be shown the next day because I was not able to find enough time to do it before. I should point out that I did have a hand in making myself busier than I could handle. I suggested that we play a couple of games that I have designed such as my semi-infamous "Monster" game and my elaborate game of the summer called "The Legend of Zelda". (Side note: If you are a fan of the Zelda, know that it was awesome and if you know "Ocarina of Time", you would have appreciated it. And our Princess Zelda was played by Hanne Johnson who looks exactly like her. Except for the whole "she's a real person" thing.) Because we played those games and I worked to expand the Zelda game because we had more staff that we could incorporate, it added to a week of planning and filming four videos and helping with worship leading. Yes, you read that right. I was involved with the worship leading despite my lack of musical ability. I was kind of an advisor and was supposed to help plan the sessions.
However, I really didn't know how to approach it and it left me not able to do the thing I really love which is coming up with sketches to perform. Really, the role I am gifted at. I tried to do the best I could with it, but in regards to planning a whole session, it's hard. It takes a lot of time and a lot of meeting with people and it involves leaving the things I am best at.
I was barely keeping ahead of what was coming next and even then, my suggested order for the sessions were essentially abandoned making most of my effort a vain pursuit. However, that is a side point. Really, I could have handled it if I did not have all the other stuff that I am passionate about and excel at also on my plate. I love constructing elaborate fun games that kids get excited about. I love making sketches. I love making movies. I do all of those very well.
The problem is that I make all of those things complex and it is in my brain and I don't how to simply and concisely convey my ideas. In the end, I have these games that are fun and different but since they are more intricate, it's hard to boil everything down to have them better understood. I want to perform sketches, but I only like my own because it's what I'm comfortable with. I am the one who knows editing and I want quality so I will pile hours into making the best video I can. It's either that I don't want someone else doing the work because I am afraid that someone might ruin it and I have a terrible sense of pride. Even if I did let someone help, I would feel the need to essentially hold the hand of someone because I am afraid that I would forget a detail in the initial explanation.
This leaves me in a predicament. I love doing these big projects, but I have a hard time knowing how to get people to help me. What winds up happening is that I am the one who must do it if it is to be done well enough. I feel really bad, because I don't know how to incorporate the girls from the Summer Ministry Team into my projects because their passions lie in the people side of ministry. They want to help. They see that I am clearly overworking myself to do way more than what one can do, but I am unsure of how to fix it.
At the end of this week, I was brought around to the realization that what I missed most was the human connection and really that is what I've been wanting. Something of substance. It goes from the campers that I didn't hang out with a whole lot this week, to the girls on the team that I've had a hard time finding the opportunities to grow close to, to the wider scenario of people in general because of the skills I possess and the roles I take on. I don't know how to get the help I would like because I know noone who operates on the same level.
The thing is, I don't think the help I'm really needing or wanting is one of helping me do these big projects. I don't mind doing that kind of work or even using the amount of time that I do to craft them. In the end, I want someone who recognizes the work I do and gives me an even-handed critique. I am looking for someone to look out for me and make sure that I'm alright because I don't do that well. The challenge is how do I find a person or people like that when I isolate myself behind the projects I am involved with? How do I not alienate myself from others with how much I push myself in these projects?
"I get up at seven, yeah,
And I go to work at nine.
I got no time for living, yes,
I'm working all the time.
It seems to me I could live my life a lot better than I think I am.
I guess that's why they call me,
They call me the working man.
They call me the working man,
I guess that's what I am."
- "Working Man" from Rush's self-titled album