Back to the Grind

#islandtime is almost done. Tomorrow, I head back to work.

Physically, I am doing really well. I have been going to the gym about 5 times a week and I no longer have an ache in my ribs and muscles. The only concern I have at this point is how my endurance will be over the course of a full workday.

Fortunately, work is in a bit of a quieter time of the year, so I will be naturally eased back into my role. I am confident that I will be able to handle the workload and get back into the swing of things.

People asked me if I am excited to get back to work and go back to regular schedule. I think some people are surprised to hear me say, "No." I am not excited to go back to work. I enjoy it as far as jobs go. It is a good fit for me. However, I don't find fulfillment in doing work

The thing that has dampened my mood about going back to work is that I am also being made to move out of the place I have lived for 13 years, because the landlord is going to sell the place and now my costs have jumped a brutal $500 a month. Which is disappointing and daunting. I was originally thinking I would be coming out of recovery headed into a decent financial position and now there's a major setback where I will be working to just pay bills. This moment just reminds me that I will never be able to retire. 

These last few months are likely going to be my only experience of retirement. I enjoyed being able to work on my projects that I want to work on and not feeling rushed or overwhelmed or overworked or burned out.

The heart surgery was easy to handle. I was on #islandtime. 

It's the everyday grind of a world that bends its knee to the demands of profit that has only become more and more brutal as I've gotten older.

It's funny how its not the natural threat of a health problem that scared me. It's the arbitrary man-made systems that continues to become more vicious that is way worse.

The blessings that I have come in the form of people. Some friends have chipped in to pay for movers for me because they did not want me moving a bunch of furniture. Add it to the list of gifts that I've received over the course of these last few months in the form of food and money.

I wish this update was much happier. It was going to be. Recovery went so great overall. I was going to hit the ground running.

But the ground has gone out from underneath me and no amount of rest, healing, and hours in the gym prepared me for this.

I'll be fine. I've endured financially stressful situations before, and I will figure this out like I always do.