I mean, it's a status quo that I really want to change, but at least I feel somewhat content right now. Uncomfortable, but content. Kind of like when you're holding someone's hand and it's all sweaty because you've been holding too long but it's not so bad because hey, you're holding somebody's (assumably a girl's) hand. I do realize that the metaphor in this case is not perfect but this is not some metaphor off, so screw it. What I am getting at is I want things to change for sure and progress forward and I have plenty of challenges ahead, but my emotional state is back to normal. It has settled for now.
I have received positive reinforcement about my plan to teach. With that I am facing some of the biggest financial and time management challenges that I have ever had to deal with. I don't know how it will all shake down, but I really need it to work out and that's why I am hoping that this is where I should be going. I am presently looking into my options to see what is possible.
For the last three weeks, I have been going to the free comedy nights at the King's Head Pub to see what it's all about and I am going to try to get in there and see what I can do. They have an alternative comedy night once a month and I would really like to see if I can pull it off in that context. It's essentially the style that I do when I perform at church, but this audience doesn't like me innately (except for, perhaps, my hot body).
So all in all, things are normal for me. I will still be haunted by what could have been but that has gone into the vault alongside so many other things that you really can't do anything with but learn from and accept. It's good to have my focus on moving forward because if I don't start pulling it together now, I will simply be adding more regrets to the list and that is something that none of us need.
"Where do we go, nobody knows
Don't ever say you're on your way down
When God gave you style and gave you grace
And put a smile upon your face"
- "God Put a Smile Upon Your Face" from Coldplay's A Rush of Blood to the Head