Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Day Eight: "Did Someone Try the 'Vengeful Ninja' or 'The Pajama Man'?"

Having just finished the Vancouver leg, I just realized that it has been a busy one. I wanted to post a note on here earlier, but for various reasons I was not able to. So thus, I am going to do a bit of a rundown and share with you possibly my greatest con that I have pulled off.

First of all, we shot the entirety of a video for the Early Night Show which I am super excited about. It was nice to use a location that is different than Winnipeg for videos. Vancouver (as well as Victoria) has a distinct look and feel. The only thing that I'm concerned about is the audio because we can only use the mic on the camera and I was competing with the traffic. If some shots didn't work, I will have to cheat Winnipeg for Vancouver. I think the Exchange will do. We'll see.

A fun thing I got to do was do a couple of photo shoots with Caitlin, photographer-extraordinaire-in-training. I need to create a poster and other advertising for my Early Night Show on May 2nd as well, I want to create a DVD of some of my videos that I have done since Mr. Chapel. The theme of the Early Night Show this time around is one of a kind of "down but not out" thing. For it, the image I wanted to have was one where I was beat up but it still kind of funny. So we gave me a black eye and made up some fake blood and dirtied up my coat and went to the parking garage in Aaron and Cait's apartment building. We took over two-hundred shots and pared it down to two and I am extremely happy with we have. Aaron did a little photo shop magic and I have a poster that I can't wait to unveil.

I have decided to call the DVD "Hipster Nerd Wannabe" and it's going to have a shot of me with my coffee spilled over my shirt and the back with another shot trying to squeeze the coffee out. It looks good right now and I can't wait to see the final product. I hope to have it done by the time the show comes around.

I have spent my days exploring the city and working. Aaron and Caitlin were both busy for most of the time I was here and I would hang out with them as much as I could. It was good to see these two and I know I will miss them very much when I leave tomorrow. It's funny to think that I have not really gone to any touristy things and I'm glad. I don't particularly care to do that. Making videos and doing photo shoots are much more entertaining.

Alright I think it's time for the story. A couple nights ago, after a full day with Aaron and Cait, I went off to spend a couple of hours by myself. I felt it was important to make sure I have that time to reflect and have that alone time so that way I don't get too distant while I hang out with them. I headed down to the shore of White Rock about 8:30 and walked around. I walked down the boardwalk and took in the night sky and went to a local Irish pub called Jimmy Flynn's and sat down at a table to work in my raggedy old notebook. I was working on the live segments of the Early Night Show and trying to get some of that out of the way. I was listening to my music and tuning out the world.

However, something caught my attention. I noticed a guy at the next table trying to talk to a woman at another table in my corner of the bar. He looked middle-aged, although it looked like he could be older and was just aging better than most. My dad was like that, too. He had a bit of a British accent and had a local beer in his hand and was trying to smooze the lady the best he could. She on the other hand was just trying to get some work done. I had noticed when I came in that she was working away on a small notepad with her glass of wine. She was middle-aged, although she was definitely pulling off the sexy librarian thing and I could see why the guy was trying his luck. I was interested because I have never been witness to that kind of pick up especially when the woman is pleasantly turning him down and I wanted to see what would happen.

I remove of my earbuds and listen in to the guy's pitch to encourage her to join him. She was claiming that she just came here to write and not to talk. He counters that she could write at his table instead and join him and his friend (who was trying to stay out of the whole affair). She continues to keep him at bay. He starts asking about what she's writing about and she mentions that it's about emotional logic (whatever that means) and he asks what does that mean and she decides that she doesn't really want to get into it.

He tries another angle to keep the conversation and glances over at me and sees that I have been eavesdropping and asks her, "And who's this? Your boyfriend?"

She glances over and looks at me and says, "Yep, he is."

He looks back at me, "Really?"

"Absolutely," I figured she wanted some help and that this might be fun.

He thens go onto ask about why we weren't seated together at the same table. She says that this is what we do. I add that we like to have space to work. He continues to ask about the nature of what she's writing about and she says that her and I are working on a book together. I explain that we are here to do research and observe people.

He was still curious and tried to dig deeper and asked my fake girlfriend apparent about what this thing is about. She says, "Do you want to field this one, sweetheart?"

"We're working on an article for a sociological journal and we're hear just to observe people."

"That's what you're taking notes about?"

She interjects, "Yep".

"So, are you writing notes about me?"

I respond, "Yes, but we're just getting notes on everyone here."

"I don't know what I think about that."

I proceed to write that down.

"You're writing that down?"


"So you're saying that I could pick up a magazine and find an article by you two about me?"

"Not just you and not for a few months. We're doing a lot of research first."

We continue to maintain the illusion for the next hour, all the while playing a cat and mouse game about our names and trying to dodge the whole thing. She eventually relents and tells him that her name is Madison and I decided to go honest (because the easiest lie to maintain is the one closest to the truth) and told him I was David and that I'm Winnipeg and that I've only been in White Rock for a little while. He finally lets us know that he is John and it continues and I start realizing that this guy is buying the fact that I am writing an article for a science journal with the help of my much older girlfriend (she said she was 46 which totally makes her a cougar).

Eventually, John (who has admitted to us that he has had a few to drink) needed to go to the washroom. While he was gone, Madison quickly stands up and comes over to me. "Ok, so what's your deal?"

"You mean, what am I doing here?"


"I'm just doing some writing."

"What kind of writing?"

"Comedy sketches."

"That is fantastic. I am having too much fun with this."

"Me too. This is great material."

"Yes, it is."

He comes back and we resume our positions and continue our finely crafted lie that I upkeep with diligently writing notes about what he was saying and describing him and even a quick sketch of him. Every once in a while, after he would say something apparently important, she would look over at me and ask, "You got that, right?". It was amusing because there were a few times that I thought it was obvious that we were lying. For instance, they were talking about some program that apparently is common and was named something like "Del Carnegie" or some such thing and he asks me if I knew about it or read about it and I was not going to get caught in something that I had no idea about and as I said "No," Madison was trying to be intuitive and caught herself before she contradicted me and said "Of course...he doesn't."

The other close call was when one of the servers came up to Madison and asked, "Do you want another one, Nancy?" John was confused and she said that she always liked Madison and sometimes went by that. For some reason he bought it.

At one point I couldn't really hear him too well, so I decided to get a little closer and used the opportunity to slide my stool next to Madison/Nancy and casually put my arm up on the ledge behind her to make it look like my arm was around her. I wanted to maintain the illusion and when the bills came, I quickly snatched hers up and paid for it (that made my two drinks suddenly way more expensive). It was now midnight and the bar was closing and I had been there for three hours. John was suggested that the three of us should get together again for dinner sometime. She said maybe and gave her number to her to arrange a time. I wanted to maintain the illusion for as long as we could and we walked out with my arm around her and then linked arms as we walked down the street. Once clear of the restaurant we separate and have a mighty good laugh. It was at this point that I noticed that she was having a little bit of trouble walking. She said she was parked just a little bit up and I suggested that maybe she shouldn't drive. I was willing to walk with her home. Instead she asked if I was good to drive (I was) and then gave me the keys to her Escalade.

"You do realize you just gave your keys to some guy who just met tonight and is your fake boyfriend?"

I drive her home and get out when she asks, "Do you want to come up for a glass of wine?"

"No, I probably shouldn't."

She wishes me well and to keep up the writing and I go back to the apartment.

Man, sometimes lying is the best thing you can do.

"And would you cry if I told you that I lied?
And would you say goodbye or would you let it ride?
Good bye, hard life, don't cry, would you let it ride?"
-"Let It Ride" from Bachman-Turner Overdrive's second self-titled album


Matt said...

Great story, Dave! You had me from beginning to end.

Dana said...

that's hilarious!

Siobhan said...

Oh. my. goodness. That. was. great. I totally just laughed out loud...like 5 times...while at work. :)
Something like that only happens in movies...