Born to Run

Last night was Aaron Hildebrandt's New Year's/Birthday Extravaganza. It was the major event that inspired this trip home in many regards. Although this year, I don't think extravaganza really is the right descriptor. It was more like a 'get-together'. We still played a few games, still had snacks, but it was quieter. Many of the regulars from years past were not there because circumstances were changed. People were with new friends or their spouses or meeting the family and friends of their significant others. Aaron's plan was also oriented to have a smaller crowd because of the place where many were. It was still fun and it was still great to see everyone who was there but when I left, it hit me that this may be one of the last times we do this. I can't expect for the Hildebrandts to come all the way back to Manitoba from Vancouver every year. It was interesting to notice the change in their attitude and feeling of Vancouver. The phrase "We're looking forward to going back home" in relation to Vancouver as opposed to last year's, "It's good to be home."

Brad followed-up with the comment to the effect, "Yeah, it's nice to come back to the country for a few days but that's about it. There's not that same connection."

The lives of these friends of mine (along with myself) have been changing, but this is the first time it seems to have sunken in for people and it reflects in their approach.

Since returning to Winnipeg, there were certain ideas that many were talking about. Buying houses and having kids and getting married. Most of my peers are looking at one of those three currently with a few exceptions who are like me in the sense that they living life more according to what I have previously called the Adventure life path. People who looking to explore and do something different. (If you want to read about these life paths, you will find it here, and also another here). I think for me, as I have recently attached myself heavily to this path, I am reminded that it is probably the most foreign to people. Most people want families and careers and homes. And although I am in the middle of the tension between that and being free to go off and doing what I am really good at, I have realized that many people see the Adventurer as more of a reckless gambler. It may be admirable to go and do what you want, but at the same time it is viewed as just messing around.

One conversation that I found to be a blessing was a chance meeting with Sarah Pascoe. I would not say we were ever friends, but when I see a fellow Providence alum, I go and say 'hello'. It was in a random Starbucks and we had one of those pleasant conversations of what we were doing and after the fifteen minutes, it was the most I had ever talked to her previously and was the first time I even knew anything about her aside from who she hung out with. Anyways, I found out that she is getting ready to go with her husband down to Haiti to run an orphanage and I found a sort of kinship as we talked about the pressure of the culture to settle down and the perceived daftness to go and put yourself on the line.

I think the difference in coming back was how my friends' lives are diverging and that my familiar life that I had is now past. Winnipeg, although a home of sorts by the nature of history, is quickly moving towards a memory. It's funny how quick that came about.

This trip has also highlighted my pull towards to keep moving. I am already starting to feel a fidgetiness in Nelson. I am busy. Things are good. People are great. But I don't want to get too attached. I want to impact lives, but I just want to keep moving. I don't know when I will get to the whole settle down part. I always thought I was going to be one who did, but I'm not so sure anymore.

"Together we could break this trap

We'll run 'til we drop, baby, we'll never go back

Will you walk with me out on the wire

'Cause baby, I'm just a scared and lonely rider

But I gotta find out how it feels

I want to know if love is wild, girl, I want to know if love is real."

- Title track from Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run"