It's a Cold and It's a Broken Hallelujah

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful,
but heartache crushes the spirit."
Proverbs 15:13

"As a dog returns to its vomit,
so a fool repeats his folly."
Proverbs 26:11

These statements are true for me right now. I don't know what I need to do different and maybe there simply isn't something different I can do. Maybe I am not a fool and maybe that thinking is exactly what proves me to be one. I am not writing much tonight because I don't have much to say. All I know is that tonight I hurt. I want to run for the door. But here I stay because no matter where I go, my soft, desperate heart will be there with me.

I feel like a fool.

"Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
....
Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

....

I did my best, it wasn't much

I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch

I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you

And even though it all went wrong

I'll stand before the Lord of Song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah"

- "Hallelujah" from Leonard Cohen's album "Various Positions"