Christmas to me has been something I've been sort of fascinated with in the last few years, simply because Christmas has always been a weird, uncomfortable time for me despite the significant presence it had in the various communties I have been surrounded by.
In the broad North American culture, I have observed three main portrayals of Christmas that filter through most North American lives. There are others, I know, but I cannot speak to those since I am only me. These are the ones I see and feel the most.
The most blatant portrayal is the vilified Commercial Christmas. The idea that there is an ideal Christmas where you have the perfect turkey dinner and Christmas tree and decorations and moments and presents for your loved ones. All of which that can be supplied with just the right tools and services for the right price. It's easy to see it's presence and to mock. Some people love the spectacle and bombast of the season because it highlights wonder and awe. Undoubtedly, the forced buying of presents for others does not really make sense in the religious context, but there is a sense of some kind of magic in the music and decorations that tries real hard to sell magic. Spoiler alert, it's just shiny noise.
Another prominent portrayal is the obvious religious context of Christmas. It's the story about the Son of God coming to earth to help show humanity the way to live a life that is fundamentally one that brings peace, justice, and love. That hope is not lost yet. For the wider North American culture, this time highlights the best aspects of the Christian philosophy where those who are in need are elevated and are to be cared for. However, it is obvious that as Christianity slowly loses it influence over North American culture, that this portrayal takes more of a backseat. Instead, it seems like the idea that declaring your affiliation with Christianity by demanding that "Merry Christmas" be said over "Happy Holidays" is the extent of the spiritual nature of the season.
The third portrayal of Christmas is the super popular family Christmas. This is the Christmas that is universally loved by North America. Even Christians soak their Christmas in the importance of family Christmas. Movies love family Christmas. The writers, directors, and performers love family Christmas because it highlights the best parts about being a human. They try to push their message through the noise of commercial Christmas. From a secular point of view, family Christmas is the ideal Christmas. Family Christmas highlights the idea that we should spend time, energy, and money on those we care about to show how much they matter to us.
This brings me back to my first paragraph. Christmas has always been a weird time for me throughout my life even though I have always wanted the best parts of the three kinds of Christmases.
In my younger days, Christmas was portrayed as religious day. It had to be. Our family could not afford Commercial Christmas. The house we rented we rented was too small to put up a tree in. So we had to put our gifts in a small pile and place one of our aloe vera plants (the pot of which was actually a used ice cream pail) on top. The presents were never in the realm of what the other kids from schoool got. They'd talk about getting the new video games or expensive sports equipment or whatever they as individuals treasured as I would get small gifts.
I knew Santa wasn't real because I never got a gift from him. Perhaps it stemmed from a belief system, but it makes much more sense that it was a financial reason that trumped any other consideration.
I remember that as a 10 year old, that I was aware of our financial situation to the degree that I braced myself going into Christmas Eve (when my family opened presents) by reminding myself that I was not likely to get what I wanted. That year really tested my resolve because out of my four gifts, three of them were clearly in boxes. The best gifts were always in boxes. If you picked up a package and it was soft, those were garbage gifts. What was I? A 36-year old man in need of socks? NO! I was kid that didn't have that awesome Legend of Zelda game.
With 3 boxed gifts, it was hard to not imagine that at least one would be something awesome.
I remember, though, thinking that I still needed to keep my expectations in line. I knew that we didn't have a lot of money. The evidence was everywhere.
However, the wonder that Commercial Christmas loves to draw out is hard to resist. I opened my Aunt Doris' gift first because she normally gave me shirts or socks and I figured that she might repeat herself. The worst kind of gifts for kids to be honest is shirts or socks. This year, though, she gave me a jigsaw puzzle. Honestly, for Aunt Doris, that was like her hitting a home run. Amazing Aunt Doris gift. I understand how a 70 year old woman would not know what to get a 10 year old. So a jigsaw puzzle for a kid that liked using his brain was a pretty alright gift. Arguably her best.
Then I moved to my mom. Mom and I never really vibed, so I also had low expectations. That's why I opened hers next. It was also a jigsaw puzzle. Now, you might think that that would be a disappointing gift after Aunt Doris. And it was. A little bit. But honestly, this was also a step up for mom.
Besides, next was dad's boxed gift. That had all the potential. Boxed gift? Dad? Those two factors greatly increased my chances of getting my filthy hands on that wondrous adventure of saving Princess Zelda.
Little did I realize that after I opened mom's gift, my dad was very concerned.
I opened dad's gift. It was another a jigsaw puzzle. I was shattered. I maintained my composure. But my wonder in the idea that maybe I would get the thing I wanted evaporated.
I would be remiss if I did not mention my brother in this story. His gift was the fourth one that Christmas. The reason I opened it last was not that I thought it would be the best, but rather that his wrapping job was something to be desired and it was clear that what he gave me was a thing that he made in industrial arts class that looks like it took its design philosophy from Homer Simpson's car design. If you have no idea what I am referring to, just know that I was bad.
After opening the presents, I gathered them up, feeling so guilty. Because I knew my family gave me the best presents they could. They just couldn't give me what Commercial Christmas was selling.
Before I move on to my next point, I should point out that I did receive my beloved Zelda game. In 1998, when the one of the most anticipated Zelda games of all time ("Legend Zelda: Ocarina of Time") came out in November, I opened it that Christmas. That was the first Christmas without dad, so mom really swung for the fences that year. To her credit, she got me what has been my most favourite gift of all time.
Also, I should point out that I am not good at giving presents. As much as I am complaining about others' gifts to me, my gifts have been usually lacklustre.
The point of this story is pointing to how the capitalist ideal of getting the perfect gift for yourself or for others soured those Christmases of my youth. And I had it good.
This is why quietly and slowly, my appreciation for the spiritual significance of Christmas grew. As a kid, spirituality takes time. It has to soak in. It has be realized on an individualized level. You don't pick up an appreciation because your parents tell you what you need to believe or why faith is beautiful.
However, as my family's financial situation disintegrated the falsehood and destructive nature of Commercial Christmas, my appreciation for the simplistic and vulnerable story of the nativity grew.
I liked getting up at 5am to go to the Christmas morning church service called "Julotta" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julotta). It's the simple metaphor of the darkness of the world being overcome by hope as symbolized by the literal rising of the sun which is perfect for a young adult's brain to wrap around. We'd have a moment in the service that had us standing in a circle with lit candles and singing Christmas hymns. The only light we'd have would be the small flickers of flame and the slow, encompassing light of the dawn that would slowly, but inevitably, flood in through the eastern windows.
Those were some very good Christmases.
I'm going to pivot to talk about Family Christmas. Arguably the most sacred (from a North American culture perspective) kind of Christmas. You go to visit family and spend time with them and participate in those traditions as determined by the unique make up of the given family. This is a time to hopefully strengthen bonds within the family.
I have witnessed several different kinds of family Christmases. Aside from my own family, I have also seen the small collection of the various Christmases of my ex-wife's family, assorted families from different churches I've attended, and those of friends both Christian and atheist.
I know there are people out there who have witnessed more varieties of Christmas than me, but I also know that there are those who have witnessed less.
It is interesting to see so many improvisations on a core idea. There's a meal. There's family. There's gifts. Sometimes, there's prayers and Bible stories. Sometimes there's booze. Sometimes both. The order is different family to family. The rules are different family to family.
The thing that is universal?
Everyone is a little uncomfortable. At least to degrees.
For me, the family aspect of Christmas has been a bit of alienating factor.
In my own family, it was tied in with the gifts of trying to discern what an individual would want. Especially as I grew older and I realized it was essentially a series of contests testing how well you know them versus how well they know you. That's right, I just took another pot shot at Commercial Christmas in the midst of my critique of Family Christmas. Because although I am trying to offer a fresh take on Christmas, Commercial Christmas is, and always will be, the thing that actively destroys the spirit of Christmas. Scrooge is not the worst character in all of the Christmas stories, it is Kirk Cameron in "Saving Christmas".
Family Christmas is admittedly very nice.
If the circumstance happens to work.
If you happen to have a family to start. If you don't have one, Family Christmas hurts far more than Commercial Christmas. Many of you were probably expecting to hear that from the orphan.
It also expands and is worse for individuals whose families reject them for their sexuality or gender identity or mental health issues or addiction issues. Imagine being pushed away by those individuals who are supposed to be on your side during the time of year that culture declares louder than capitalist messages that "Family is the most important thing!"
I can't speak to those other issues.
But I can speak to being without my own physical family.
This was the first year where I was able to articulate to myself why I always feel uncomfortable at other families' Christmases. It's not that the families were not welcoming. It was never that. The people that have invited me over the years have made it very evident that they care for me and that they love me. I have never gotten the sense that they feel obligated.
I do sense the genuine desire of these families to share love with people. I will always be grateful and if I would be in their position, I would ideally be like them in bringing in people and share what I believe to be an important joy of the season.
I want to take a brief moment to underline how difficult this is for me to write about this topic. I never want people to think individuals in a position similar to mine are ungrateful or that it is better to not invite people like me to a Christmas gathering. This whole post is trying to dig into why Christmas is good. To tip the bit, I am saying that just like a Christmas that is centred around Commercialism is not good, neither is one that is centred around Family.
Where the ideallic Family Christmas fails is in the simple fact it cannot be universal. Even as I am welcomed into various spaces and given food and share in wonderful conversation, the feeling that that I am not a part of this family but rather an outsider that has been invited in is unavoidable.
As I witness family interact in the most emotionally vulnerable and open event of the North American calendar, I can't help think about my family. Or lack thereof. Seeing kids gather at the feet of the family leader as they read them the Christmas story seems like a dream taunted in front of me. Seeing a father or mother selflessly make and serve food to their family is hard. It goes on as Family Christmas is a series of traditions held up by a group of people that I happen to visit.
These kind of Christmases are hard because I am outside of it.
The ideal of Family Christmas is great when you have a good, supportive family. If you don't for whatever reason, that ideal is particularly poisonous turning what I think is a potentially rejuvenating time into a hard punch to the spiritual gut.
Now, that I've attacked the other two, it would seem that Christian Christmas is clearly the winner especially for someone like myself who identifies as a Christian. I even had a foreshadow with the whole reference to Julotta!
Well, I'm going to go and turn full Last Jedi on this and dismiss your expectations. That last sentence is very nerdy in two very different ways (in regards to Christianity and Star Wars) and I will try to explain myself to those who don't understand what I'm getting at.
As I've grown older in and have witnessed the impact of American politics on North American Christianity in a broad sense, it hurts as someone who loves the words of Christ. Especially with the undying support of Donald Trump within the evangelical Christian community. This is not meant to be a political post and I won't spend much time here, but it is undeniable how much poison Trump has injected into the North American Christian worldview.
It is hard enough with the warhawk position that America holds throughout most presidencies, but Trump amps up so many disconcerting aspects of American culture that I feel the Christianity of Jesus is being lost in North America and many Christians may not realize it. It seems like if someone perfectly reiterated what Jesus would want, Evangelical Christians would be the first to crucify them.
Backing off the specificality of Trumpian Christianity and coming back to Christmas, the troubling example is the demand that we say "Merry Christmas" over "Happy Holidays" like "Happy Holidays" is blasphemous.
Why it troubles me, is because it seems to miss the heart of Christ. I can't see Jesus getting angry at some retail clerk for saying "Happy Holidays".
Two reasons. First is that Jesus is about inclusion, especially to those who intend good towards others regardless of their belief. The second being that Christmas doesn't happen until December 25th. Before the 25th is Advent, which is a different season of the Christian calendar from Christmas. It would be more appropriate to say "Happy Holidays" to someone before December 25th because it is not Christmas and "Holiday" literally means "Holy day". So regardless of whether you're an atheist or a believer in a different religion or a hardcore Christian, "Happy Holidays" before December 25th is totally appropriate and more accurate. Bonus for those Christians who want to take Jesus' words to heart, you are welcoming all people by saying "Happy Holidays".
To me, that small thing is the perfect example of how Christianity in North America is missing the point.
Christians don't seem to have a problem with a President claiming to be a Christian and yet separating children from their families.
There is so much more, but it would be ridiculous for me to list everthing that a Christian should probably have a problem with the crass, business elite that dominates North American politics but somehow the North American Christianity simply does not.
Boiled down, it seems like Christians have sided with Herod over Mary and Joseph.
At this point, I have cast down the three prominent portrayals of Christmas. The Commercial. The Family. The Christian.
Clearly, I must hate Christmas.
Right?
No.
In fact, I love Christmas more than any other time in my life.
And the main reason is Advent.
Advent is fundamentally important in appreciating Christmas.
Advent has saved Christmas and Christ for me. It definitely was not the moneychanger that is Kirk Cameron. (I know I'm dunking on him a lot and not explaining myself but look, I have to take the precious attention you've given to me and keep this post moving. Maybe I can explain later.)
Advent in the Christian calendar is the four Sundays before Christmas. Advent in the Northern Hemisphere literally takes place in the darkest time of the year. Both literally and figuratively, Advent contemplates the darkness of the world and how is seems to get darker but also how we are to have hope. We are to look towards the hope that the Messiah comes and makes things right.
That no matter how dark things get, all is not lost.
Advent emboldens us to resolutely hold onto the idea that hope, joy, peace, and love are not dead.
It may be dark, but we are not done.
Then, when Christmas Day arrives, which is a day of the week that shifts every year because it is unpredictable when things can change, the world does change. It is less dark than the day before. Days get brighter.
It's a beautiful metaphor.
The story of Christmas and the story of Christ reminds me that God is on the side of those who are less fortunate. The poor. The unfairly imprisoned. The underdogs.
All of this reflection has led me to this conclusion.
I reject the flashy consumerism of the Commercial Christmas. (Although that's an easy one to dunk on.)
I reject the priveleged idea that family is what is important at Christmas, as good of a thing as it maybe. (Also, by the way, go see your family while you have them! Of course, go visit them! Unless, they don't welcome you for who you are, then come look me up and we'll get Chinese food on Christmas day)
I reject the Christian imperialism that comforts the rich and the powerful and that has undermined the vital power of the upside down kingdom where the last shall be first and the first shall be last. Instead, I embrace the holy and welcoming statement of Christ found in Advent that is "Happy Holidays!"
This Christmas and every Christmas after, I look forward to the coming of the Christ that upsets the status quo which I see a little bit day by day. I look forward to the new heaven and the new earth where the words of Jesus remind us: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
"How silently, how silently
The wondrous Gift is given!
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of His heaven
No ear may hear His coming
But in this world of sin
Where meek souls will receive Him still
- "O Little Town of Bethlehem"
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