Friday, January 20, 2006

Computers are Nature's Matchmakers

Ok, so I've run into just some of the most sitcomish events of my recent memory. It has been ridiculous really. These stories will be my fodder for the next few entries. This one happened ten minutes ago.

I was happily checking my e-mail after work at Domo, when I notice one from an acquaintance of mine which advertised a "crush calculator" and I'm like "Oh, what the hey, I'll play along with one of these mass e-mails. How can it possibly go wrong?"

The link takes me to a site and it says I can put up to three names and then it will see if there is any matches and I assumed it was some gong-show method of comparing names and then it randomly says yes or no or possibly "cooty-infested". It seemed pretty innocuous. So, I put a couple of names down, that I was serious about. I after all I'm not going to be one of those people who have fake crushes and then send fake love letters and then get fake married and have fake kids. Kids are always so disappointed when they're told that they are fake.

Anywho, after I typed in the two names, I was thinking about how the computer was going to figure out the possible future of my love life, because computers are nature's matchmakers. I was then appalled to see the message that popped up and said, "You've been tricked! The names of your crushes has been sent to ...." and then it put the name of the person who originally sent the e-mail, who shall remain nameless due to the fact that she will have an unfortunate accident in the coming hours.

Normally, I would probably shrug off such a "trick". After all, if it was a good friend of mine, they probably would already know my crushes.

However, this was a mere acquaintance. One of those people that you talk to only occasionally and would never give them money (which is a true sign of friendship and/or bastarditity). This may not be such a problem either if they had no idea who I was talking about or had no influence in my sphere.

Enter the twist that you saw coming, she is good friends with the crush that I wrote down. The same crush that I'm planning to hang out with on the weekend and execute the critical preliminary date to see if there is a potential in moving towards an official girl-sanctioned date. These preliminary dates are like secret missions that only the guy and other male advisers should know about. That way if the preliminary date is lackluster, the guy still has the chance to walk away because the girl has no investment yet.

This whole best friend now knowing about the secret mission is what leads to international incidents. This is also compounded by the fact that I entered two crushes into the site and thus she'll know that her friend is not the only one. This takes away a lot of the much needed credibility that I need later on in the relationship, if there is going to be one.

I am now going into that scene in the sitcom where its after the first commercial and then the whole thing falls apart and then it ends in trainwreck and then perpetuates the idea that men are greedy, lustful jerks and that women clearly don't need men.

This is what I get for trusting a computer. And friends.


Dave Colvinson said...

Wow Dave, I'm really glad you decided to move over to Blogger. Nice looking blog you've got here!

-DAve C

JAnie & DAve said...

I do have to say, however, you've always been a sucker for those mass email forward thingys. How many times have you sent me "1001 Things you didn't know about me" or "Take this quiz and send it to your mom"

Honestly, I'd say you had it coming.

Rach said...

Hello, Dave. You make me smile.