Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Expecting Her to Give Birth, But She Doesn't Because it Turns Out to Be Just Gas

My roommate has recently gotten engaged to his girlfriend, leaving me to find a new roommate fast. And it all sort of happened in the last ten days and I have 22 days to figure out what's happening. It's the most stress I've felt since the drug testing when I won the 2002 Walkathon. Man, that was close. That's some intense competition there.

Anyway, I hate stress because it takes away from my image as an easygoing, happy go lucky kind of fellow. Oh, and it gives me just the worst canker sores. Man, I hate those things. One good thing is that it's a good measure of how stressed I am. Unfortunately, I think I'm majorly stressed because I'm currently at the two canker sore level, which is amongst the worst. I have yet to attain the three canker sore level, and if I ever got there, I think I would have to go into emergency mode and get boxes of wine, rolls of twinkies, go on vacation to my house and watch 24. Because I mean, I would need 24 to see that I don't have it that bad.

Actually, that sounds pretty good. I mean, boxes of wine and 24. Nothing more relaxing than that. Or as classy.

Maybe, I should make myself more stressed and then when it's gets to some crazy point, people would understand why I would want to take a break and then I can do the box of wine/24 thing.

Maybe take up a second job in a high demand, low reward job like McDonald's and then maybe I should rack up a large debt on something that I don't want, but can't get rid of. Something like one of those modern pieces of art and all it is is a rotting moose carcus with like an oil drill through it or something that's supposed to represent how it's wrong to nature should not be abused by attacking it with oil drills. And maybe I should get into a relationship with someone I meet at the bar who turns out to be crazy and she tells me she's pregnant with my child, even though I just met her, but then I'm obliged to take care of her for the next five years, expecting her to give birth, but she doesn't because it turns out to be just gas, but now I'm married to her and I can't divorce her because she's taken all my money and I'm still in debt because of that moose sculpture thing which is now just a hive of maggots and is still in my living room. Man, that would be so stressful.

And finally, after all of that, I could take like 2 days off and just sit in front of my tv (which is now in my bedroom because of all the maggots) and sit there with my boxes of wine and watch 24. Man, that would be so awesome.

1 comment:

Krista said...

Move to Victoria. You can live next door and become a Cosmo Kramer-like character. Hilarity will ensue..