The Ancient Cyborg Sasquatch Who is Slated to Reappear When the Tree of Despair Has it's First Fruits Blossom

Know what would be awesome? A quest. Like a quest that involves a long trek and a sword and stuff. Wouldn't it be sweet for some old man with a scroll come up to you and say that you're apart of some ancient prophecy and that only you can defeat the ancient cyborg sasquatch who is slated to reappear when the tree of despair has it's first fruits blossom. I would go into Roger's and say, "Hey, I've got to protect everything that everyone holds dear...their lives". The first I would have to do is like, buy a cape and some sweet boots. Of course I would need to go retrieve the sword from like some under water grave where Socrates died fighting leviathan. And then with the sword I have to fight the leviathan, but now it's like a huge skeleton and I have to use my imagineering and magic powder and a gun to fight it. Of course, it wouldn't be a normal gun. It would be a gun that could fire my sword at bad guys.

Then at one point this guy in totally black ambushes me on a subway train and so I have to fight him to the death and it's this long battle and he slashes he in the face and so it gives me this wicked scar but it unleashes this hidden power and I just blast him with a lightning bolt out the side door and then he gets smucked by another subway train.

Wait, suddenly this whole scenario is not as feasible as it was at the start. Although the lightning bolt thing would be pretty awesome. Anyway, some sort of quest. Enough of this humdrum life. Where's my cape? Where's my obligatory sidekick? Or my rippling pecs? Maybe I should just go to the bar and pick a fight. I mean, if you can't find something good to do with your life, the only other choice is to hit on another guy's chick and then have a bar stool broken over your back.