You Can Live Life as a Christian and Still Be Something Called Human

I came back from a youth conference today that was in Kelowna and I found myself there being dismayed. The last couple of times I've been to these kind of events I have been bothered by two main thoughts.

One is the extravagance of these events. There is a lot of flash and glamour put into these events to make them fresh and cool and exciting for the teenagers at the event. It feels like we're trying to market Jesus to the crowd and will pay any price for it. I suppose to deliver a powerful and meaningful message such as the call to following Christ is one that we go to great lengths to deliver. I can understand the reasoning behind it. It's like a missionary speaking the native language and following local customs to relate the message as opposed to forcing the culture to conform to our ideas on society. However, the culture that we're speaking to is one drenched in media and I wonder if we are merely offering a rock concert experience that simply fades days after the show is done. For some, I assume it is.

For being more of a casual observer in the last couple as opposed to a participant or a contributor, it is obvious that it is for some. That the message in the midst of the flash is simply ignored. We do our best to reach out and the noise drowns it out. Mind you, even with focused attention people are going to ignore it anyway. I suppose that saddens me. I know that the message is for all, but some, no matter what you do, are going to ignore the call to something that is different and life-giving.

The other thought is one that bothered me much more and that is the emotional fuel that the events thrive on. I think one of the hardest things that has negatively influenced my faith has been the idea that these events are spiritual high watermarks. That the speakers and the music and heart-felt stories about amazing magical signs of God are all gearing the audience to amp their emotions high. To get them to a place where you key into the stories they tell that talk about a faith that magically changes everything in your life. That this emotion that you are feeling is the Holy Spirit moving in the place and speaking to you.

It seems to paint that the reason you have faith and are obedient the other 363 days of the year is so you can come to another one of these events to meet God again in an intense and real way. That if you are not experiencing this "spiritual" feeling the rest of your year, that you could be doing more and are failing at being faithful. After all, these speakers talk about amazing stories of faith stopping evildoers in their tracks, healing people of their diseases, or hearing the very voice of God. If you don't have these spiritual gifts come to you, then you are not letting the Holy Spirit in and do His work in your life.

That's where I had a hard time, because despite the fact I wanted to be faithful, I wasn't emblazoned with the Spirit like I was at camps and retreats that clearly I was distant from God. I would still try to understand and be obedient, but I still believed that I was being a follower who was less than where I should be. Especially as a Christian who grew up in the faith. You could never live up to where you should be. No matter how good you may think you're doing, you would always look around and some how the bar was raised another two feet. You were a failure and you always would be, but fortunately Jesus would always forgive but would be always be kind of sad because you disappointed Him again.

You would hear stories at the campfire about people being spiritually empty but now that they've had a week at camp, they are more on fire than they've ever been. It was strange, because there was not a lot of variance in the story. Is that the real purpose of these events? To get the high watermark that you couldn't live up to in the rest of your year? You would look forward to these events because your lacked that emotional connection to God.

Then it happened. I went to camp and the feeling was lessened each year I went. My "connection" to God lessened. I wanted to have that connection. I mean, I had spent my year being as faithful and obedient as I could. I needed my refresher because I was trying to depend on God. I would try to reconnect and become a stronger Christian.

I went to Bible college to be a better Christian, devoting time and money and focus to find the God of my youth. But I never did. Was I white-washed tomb that Jesus scorned in the scriptures? I felt like it.

I grew more cynical and I started to really become frustrated with my faith. I tried to sort it out and yet still be faithful but I never did reach that clarity that I had when I was younger when God seemed to be right there.

It wasn't until much later that it clicked. I don't know when it clicked. Maybe when it was when I was asked to be a speaker at a camp. Which was funny to me because I believed myself to be a spiritless Christian. Someone who God wasn't talking to because I hadn't heard anything in a long time. Even in decisions that I tried to discern God's will on (and was validated by other trustworthy Christians), they seemed to lead me to a place where it felt like I had failed in being faithful.

I think that when I was planning out my talks, I didn't want to try to trick people into faith. I wanted them to see that faith was reasonable. I wanted them to have a sincere faith and not one where I got people to start following Jesus based on me pulling out sob stories. I wanted to speak truth. I wanted to treat the kids I was speaking to with respect and challenged them to think deeper about faith. I wanted to talk to them about topics that I never heard when I was younger. Talk about things that were relevant and pragmatic.

I noticed a distinct difference. I would sometimes tell stories that were very relevant to the topic and were very personal and emotional and as I told them, I knew that from a dramatic perspective that I could totally amp up the emotion to make them feel bad. To make them puddy. I could see it. And I was horrified. All these years, I had been duped. I had been duped.

It started falling into place. The speakers know how to make you sympathize with them. Trust them. Get you to come alongside them where when the emotions were right, they could evoke the redemption story of Christ and because people want the happy ending (or at least avoid a horrific one) they would turn to Christ. The call of a full life and a wonderfully deep and challenging life was being mired by emotional manipulation. The talk of discipleship was premised on a guilt trip that you could never live up to.

Choreographed emotion-charged moments were labelled as "the presence of God" and it led me to believe that the mundane Christian life that we spent the bulk of time living was lacking that presence.

I say this and do realize that I don't believe that this is the intention of these speakers and worship leaders (at least for the most part). I don't believe that they are apart of a malicious group trying to trick as many people into becoming Christians so that they can earn more money. I don't believe because I know a lot of these individuals. I am one of these individuals who sincerely believe in the story of Christ and the call of a God-centric life.

However, over time, we have accidentally created an impossible standard that was never intended. There are unwritten rules that say you need to only have the Christian versions of media, that if you need to be thinking of Jesus in absolutely every moment, that you are innately unlovable and it's only because God is so absolutely good that we, the evil, vile, putrid, urine-soaked, scum of the earth are forgiven. We pride ourselves in avoiding being legalistic like Pharisees and rather uphold a listening to the spirit and being free from the law. However, what we have instead is a mandate to a level of spirituality that is as life-draining and as alienating as the Pharisee, but premised differently. Instead of having the belief that following laws to such stringent and ridiculous levels is spirituality, we are now in a place where having the belief that you need to have a certain feeling and being draped in everything labelled Christian is spirituality.

The fact is the life of the Christian is the day in day out decisions that we make. We make ourselves a people that loves God with our heart, soul, mind and strength the best we can. We make ourselves a people that serves others the best we can. We don't get caught up in what feeling we have. Having a certain feeling or sensation is not God's presence just like having certain feeling or sensation is not the presence of a person. Christians believe that God is always present. You might have moments where you notice God's presence but that doesn't make you a better Christian in that moment just like noticing the presence of your wife doesn't make you a better husband. Rather, what makes you a better Christian and a better husband is being faithful and doing what you can to be the best Christian or husband you can be.

This idea flies in the face of teaching that so heavily emphasizes the idea of being saved by grace. I still believe that we are at the mercy of God and God's grace is what gives us the ability to become the best people we can be and to be considered righteous. However, I believe that our actions accurately reflect our beliefs. I'm not saying that works save you or that you can judge another person, but rather I think that if you call yourself a follower of Jesus then I believe it is more important to be obedient than it is to have a feeling.

We have made the Christian walk a soft-headed, fancy worded, therapy session that expects nothing out of it's followers while allowing the people who are crying out for help from God and His people to fall by the wayside. And for the ones that do happen to stumble in will only find a feel good pat on the back religion that will never fix anything.

Mind you, after I've said all of these things, it would seem like that these events are horrible things, but I do know something else vital that comes out in these events and it is the reason that I believe these events are good. The people who attend have a fantastic chance to meet together, grow together and have a chance to live into each other's lives. You have a chance to have fun together, converse with other, sing praises to God together, pray together, and live into each other's lives and learn about God together. As a leader, you can go back home with the kids and use this bonding to be able to teach and disciple them and be able to challenge them because you have spent time together and show that you can live life as a Christian and still be something called human (and not an alien who's emotions are restricted to happiness and guilt).

P.S. I do believe that you can have a strong emotional connection to God, but I want to emphasize that feeling a certain way is not an indicator of faith but rather being faithful is an indicator of faith.

"Well, my goodness gracious, let me tell you the news
My head's been wet with the midnight dew
I've been down on bended knee
Talkin' to the man from Galilee
He spoke to me in the voice so sweet
I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel's feet
He called my name and my heart stood still
When he said, "John, go do my will"
Go tell that long, tongue liar,
Go and tell that midnight rider,
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter,
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down"
- "God's Gonna Cut You Down" from the Johnny Cash album "American V: A Hundred Highways"