Language of the Soul

Music has been on my mind quite a bit recently. Both in the grander culture and even on a personal level. First and foremost, it was recently the twentieth anniversary of two significant albums, those being Nirvana's era-defining "Nevermind" and my favourite Pearl Jam album "Ten" (I recognize that good friends, Jason and Rob, would look down their nose at me for choosing the popular record as my favourite as opposed to "Vs." or "Vitalogy", but it's the truth). I've taken my iTunes library off random and have been listening to the two albums on repeat.

I was also intrigued by a special interview by Jon Stewart with the surviving members of Nirvana, Kris Novaselic and Dave Grohl, alongside the famous producer Butch Vig. The discussion of what is was like behind the scenes of the band as well as what goes into creating an album to be compelling.

This comes in the wake of the recent breakup of R.E.M., a band, while not my favourite, still had a significant impact on my library.

I also wound up missing the Pearl Jam concert that took place in Vancouver this past weekend due to a scheduling conflict with, in my opinion, a significant youth retreat. I don't regret not going, but at the same time I wonder how much longer the band will tour, especially since you could read the lyrics in their last album seeming to indicate that they are perhaps preparing to wind down.

In addition, at the retreat itself, there was a session at which there was a discussion on the content of music and it's message and the influence it may have on an individual which added to this contemplation of one of my favourite art forms to partake of.

It was not always been the case. As I have briefly mentioned in a blog post before, I have always had a difficult time with Christian music. It was what I had grown up with and was all I was exposed to in terms of music (with the exception of the songs from Disney cartoons which did not help my relationship with music). All the songs were about the same things and were always happy and were always God is awesome. Although I may have, in my limited understanding, agreed with the sentiments, at the same time it felt hollow.

In my youth, my relationship with Christian music was really like my relationship with Christianity in general. As I grew up and I was attempting to understand what it means to have faith, I was also attempting to really get into worship music and mean it. After a while, it was like I was straining to become an ardent Christian and trying to get that closer relationship to God which I thought would reveal itself as some miraculous communication with Him or some life-shaking encounter. However, it would never come. If I had just paid attention to the fact I thought Christian music was almost all terrible, I think I may have tuned into my gut that said the way I understood this faith was proving to be hollow.

Christian music simply was not connecting to any sense of a deep relationship with God. They were all essentially sappy love songs and nothing else.

The first album that actually made me say, "hey, I identify with this" was Green Day's "Dookie" that was thrown at my head. I know in reflection of it now, it is a juvenile record, but at the time I was juvenile. They talked about the world in a different light. By this time in my life, I rarely had any significant conversations with another person with a different world view and it was eye opening to hear Billie Joe sing about growing up, expressing anger, heartbreak. No Christian album talked about that. None of the worship songs ever talked about that.

Over time, I would buy more and more albums. I remember buying Collective Soul, Limp Bizkit, Our Lady Peace and Live. By the way, I recognize that I did not have the greatest taste in music when I was younger, but that's aside from the point. There was something about each of those albums that I would connect with or that I would learn from. I began to understand how others could see the world. Sometimes I would agree with it, other times not, but it engaged me.

I think at the core of it is that secular music admitted something that Christian music would not and that is: humans are human. It was something that it seemed like Christianity in general missed often. Christianity would admit that humans are trash or that we would find joy in the Lord but I found for me that both the religion and it's music struggled with the other strong emotions of sadness and anger. When I was sad or angry, the answer was you shouldn't be unless it was about how sinful you are.

Rock music said, "You should be". It strived to make you feel something. A part of the essence of living was to deal with your emotions, not hide it up with some happy song.

Now, it may seem like this story is leading me away from my faith, but it is not that obvious. I went to Bible school, I went to Bible studies and continued to learn and at the same time I continued to add to my music collection such bands as those mentioned at the top of this post along with Dave Matthews, Matthew Good, Smashing Pumpkins, Alice in Chains and Foo Fighters and I found something interesting.

It seemed to be all pointing the same direction.

I discovered that the Psalms were not all happy go lucky sing songs. Jonah was a man who struggled with the idea his enemies were invited to change. Ecclesiastes paints how meaningless life when pleasing oneself is the focus of your life and it's what led me to say that Ecclesiastes is the Nevermind of the Bible. Many of the Old Testament prophets would fit in with the likes of Bob Dylan and Neil Young.

At the same time, a common thread in many of my favourite bands show a yearning for peace and restoration. The Foo Fighters frequently toy with the idea of ascension and sanctification. Eddie Vedder's lyrics over the course of the band's career seem to move from frustration to taking up a cause to looking for what's important in life.

In some regards, I have followed suit as I struggled to reconcile hope of the Christian has in redemption and the reality of the world and human nature.

Secular music may have challenged me and drew me to understand the world only to lead me back to the idea that humanity finds itself in need of something greater than itself and I believe that is found in the Christ.

I used and continue to use music to engage my mind and explore my humanity. That is why I As Ludwig van Beethoven said, "Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life." I don't mean to say that secular music has some special key to our understanding to God and that all secular music is somehow all good. I am merely saying that our higher purpose often comes bleeding through because I believe it bleeds through all of us.

"He's the one
Who like all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means"
- "In Bloom" from the Nirvana album "Nevermind"

In Loving Memory

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple." - Luke 14:26

This was one of the passages Arden used in his sermon today and it stood out for me more than usual. I suppose it always stood out for me, but I had a tendency to downplay it because I believed I had a good handle on the meaning of it. It had always been taught that you love Jesus more than their family, then you are not giving yourself fully to God. That in comparison, your love of Jesus should be so much so that your love for your family would look like hatred. Kind of like a strong form of hyperbole.

Today, it stood out different for me. Perhaps it is my skittishness surrounding fundamentalism and the violence it has spawned and continues to spawn to this day in some cases that makes me uncomfortable with the statement. It's a statement like this that some would take as: "If I'm to hate my family, then I am justified in actually harming others who are not my family."

Although, I don't believe that's why it bothers me. Reality is, people have taken and will continue to take scripture and completely miss the point and go the wrong with it. We shouldn't just throw out words that Jesus says just because crazy, hateful people don't care about understanding and will abuse it.

No, I think the statement bothers me on a wider scope that you see in the breadth of Christianity and that is the idea of "loving Jesus". It was one of those ideas that has kind of sat there kind of awkwardly in the middle of the room of my theological construct that I didn't really know what to do with. It's a constant reminder to love Jesus because after all He loves you. It was confusing for two reasons.

One reason it was confusing was: In what way do I love Jesus? How is it different than loving a parent? How is it different than loving a woman? If I'm supposed to love Jesus more than anyone, then it needs a deeper dimension than the one that you share with the person closest to you? And how do you love someone who is not physically there?

The second reason it was confusing was how emotionally wrapped up people get when it comes to loving Jesus. Like they are "in love" with Jesus. It was weird to see girls fall in love with Jesus like he was the Beatles (or Justin Bieber for those who wish for a modern example) and would go wild for Him. I draw that comparison very specifically because there is almost a hysteria that surrounds all these individuals. In some regards, these girls wished that they would be able to marry these guys because they fit their ideal. I never really could relate to being so emotionally wrapped in Jesus, because I'm just not into dudes.

Obviously, that last paragraph is a touch facetious because that can't be the relationship we have with God unless you belong to a sex cult of some sort. That said, isn't it strange that many of our modern worship songs sound so much like romantic songs?

Arden's sermon was structured around the premise that our passions need to be geared toward God. It is the things that we are passionate about that fuel us to go forward and live. The question is: who are we striving for?

The easy comparison is looking to other things that motivate us. Maybe it is to impress a girl or our parents or maybe it's wealth or any number of things. The most admirable one in almost any culture is for the love of another and I think this is why it is easy for us to want to say that loving Jesus is what should motivate us.

Unfortunately, it leaves us to think that loving Jesus is similar to loving other people in our lives. Saying nice things about Him, declaring our unending devotion to Him, giving Him things. I'll be honest, I don't think that's what Jesus ever wanted.

Jesus seemed to be much more interested in obedience and us becoming more like Him than all these silly love gestures that may be nice, but ultimately mean nothing especially when the person isn't physically here with us. It seems like the word love seems to really confuse us and what we're supposed to be like and do.

When someone dies, I believe that we show love to them is to remember them. Here's the thing, we don't know what it really looks like to remember. Often it is painful and we just wish they were with us. I think we serve their memory better and truly show love to the person who has passed is learning from them. Learn from their triumphs and their character. Learn from their defeats and failures. We carry on the memory of them and honour them by letting them impact us. It is quite beautiful to me to think that the people who have left us actually have marked our lives by their lives. It shows your true relationship with them.

We have the advantage of having the life of Jesus passed down to us and we have the ability to learn from His character and triumphs and ultimately the path that guides us to true life. We carry on His memory and have His life mark ours. That seems to be more loving to Him than nice words.

Maybe that scripture from the start of this post is really getting at the fact there is something more important to life than our families and even our own life. It's not about loving Jesus in some strange romantic way, but rather becoming like Him. Really, if you are going to become like Him, we will face suffering because if you are going to love wastefully and fight injustice, then suffering will be in your horizon. It also means that we wish for those around us to become like Him, too.

Often, when our family hurts, we want to circumvent their problems because we love them and don't want them hurt. Our kid is picked on at school, so we talk to their principal or we pull them out of school. Our sibling hurts and the answer is for us to go beat up someone. We want to bubble wrap those we love so they don't have to face the reality of life and ironically we make them less able to handle it. We actually prevent them from maturing. Truly, if we love them, we have to challenge them to become Christ-like themselves. They have to face the trials that will make them stronger people and be there for them and not live their life for them.

This makes it look like we hate them. But really we're calling them to their true life, too. That passage says nothing about loving Jesus. It talks about being His disciple.

So what fuels our passion? Is it the love of Jesus and that feel good warm fuzzy of having a divine boyfriend? Or is the life of discipleship that Jesus has desired for all? Perhaps the best way to love him is to actually honour His life and become like Him.

"Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
At my heart you see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be"
- Title Track from the Mumford and Sons' album "Sigh No More"

I'm Not a Sexually Liberated Woman

I browsed a copy of Geez recently and saw an article about the Slutwalks that took place all over the place earlier this year in the wake of a Toronto police officer flippantly saying that women should not dress like "sluts" so as to avoid being raped.

Thanks to the officer's comment, two separate ideas have met in the middle for one of the worst examples of two groups missing the point entirely and now both look like idiots and neither realize it. 

Here are the two ideas that he threw in a wrestling ring:

A) Rape is bad and needs to stop

B) What does feminism look like?

It was like you made global warming try to fight nuclear weapon proliferation as if they were opponents. Or for a even pop culture-like reference, having ninjas fight pirates. That's the real sad part of this whole thing.

Clearly the officer was not right in making a woman take part responsibility for being raped because of the way she dresses. However, the stupidest way to respond to that allegation is dressing up like sluts as a defiant measure. It misses the point.

The person at fault when it comes to rape is only in the court of the rapist. It doesn't matter if the girl is naked or in a burka, the rapist is solely to blame. Really a rapist is looking for an opportunity. The rapist looks for any justification. Whether it's as visceral as "I want sex" or "that girl is asking for it". That is all in the head of the rapist. Even if the girl was not "asking for it", they are numerous other reasons. For instance, some have raped women wearing burkas because they figured the women needed to find sexual liberation. That's a justification of the rapist and the rapists will take any reason to satisfy it's vile desire. The opportunity is what the rapist is really looking for. Not the dress of the victim.

If the officer wanted to safeguard women against rape, it would be advice on avoiding giving opportunity. Stay with others. Avoid isolating yourself. Etcetera, etcetera. Even if the woman has given opportunity to the rapist, it's still not her fault.

Unfortunately, he said what he said.

It then leaves women on the other side to respond. And in common human response, they choose the stupidest but the most splashy way to protest and in this case it was the "Slutwalk". It's the live version of the "change your profile picture to a childhood cartoon to take a stand against pedophilia" or "don't change your profile picture to a childhood cartoon because it's somehow a trap set up by pedophiles" or "post the colour of your bra to raise awareness of breast cancer" or "post a number of weeks and a favourite food to trick people into thinking you're pregnant in order to raise awareness about something that I'm not entirely sure of because your stupid game actually is hurting you raise awareness about the topic you wanted to raise awareness about". Sweet mother, I am so frustrated by people raising awareness. I could punch the internet for several hours it bothers me so much. You know what. I need others to hear this pertinent message. I should change my Facebook status to really impact culture. Hold on... changed my status so now the world will probably sort itself out.

The problem with many "raising awareness" campaigns is that they frequently miss the point. This is no different. Really, was the problem that women should be allowed to wear whatever or was the point to stop rape? To me, a "Please Don't Rape Walk" would be a lot more pertinent to the situation. However, it's not very splashy like "Slutwalk" and I also just noticed that people might be confused as to what rapewalking is.  Nonetheless, the "Slutwalk" has probably wounded the feminist and women equality more than helped by alienating people with their parades.

I find the hard thing about some elements in the equality movement is that women are trying to attain absolute freedom and it may be ironically working against what they want. Whereas before, men enforced the image of women being eye candy and are not to be treated as equals, women are now dressing as "sexually liberated" women and now are being eye candy and allow themselves to be treated as less than equals and believe it that they are acting like a free woman. No, all they have done is fallen for the old con of making it their idea and not the man's idea to be slutty. Men are still getting what they want and women believe that they have what they want.

Unfortunately, gender equality has taken on the form of sleeping with whoever you like just like men have as though that was the ideal. Sure, before men could essentially sleep with whoever they wanted consequence free and women were either treated like property or were stuck with consequences of the act of sex but that doesn't make men in the right and that women should become like that. Now women could act like men with women's rights becoming more of a reality and with the ease of contraception and prevalence of abortion options but that still doesn't mean women should become more like men in sleeping around freely. That's the terrible thing about men. Have sex with no consequences. Treating one of the most beautiful things in the world as though it were a dime a dozen from the Wal-mart.

I don't think sexual liberation should be have as much sex as you can, but rather, it should not be used violently or used oppressively. It should be you can choose who to have that intimate bond with and not forced to by others. It's still a precious thing and we should choose how to use it and that's something women never had the luxury of before.

Rape is not the fault of the woman. Never.

However, the ideal of the woman should not be promiscuous. It should not be the ideal of men. That's not gender equality. That's not sexual liberation. That is being reckless with one of the most beautiful things you can share with another.

In conclusion to these two different topics:

1) No rape ever.

2) Rapist is to blame for rape.

3) Women and men need to share sexual liberation

4) Sexual liberation is being the master of your sexual self, not being the slave of your sexual self.

[Author's Note: There's a couple of naughty words in here.] 

"Plus when you give it up so easy you ain't even fooling him

If you did it then, they you probably fuck again

Talking out your neck saying' you're a Christian

A Muslim sleeping with the gin

Now that was the sin that did Jezebel in

Who you gonna tell when the repercussions spin

Showing off your ass 'cause you're thinking it's a trend

Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again

You know I only say it 'cause I'm truly genuine

Don't be a hard rock when you're really a gem

Babygirl, respect is just a minimum"

- "Doo Wop (That Thing)" from Lauryn Hill's album "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill"

Time, My Precious

I am sitting alone in a coffee shop on my last night here in Winnipeg before I head back to Nelson. I'm okay with that. It would be great to be hanging out with someone, but at the same time. I have appreciated the quiet time to sit and reflect.

I know that as I head back to Nelson, my time is going to disappear. I am looking to take on a lot of ambitious projects. I hope to craft a Christmas show that steps away from the Christmas pageant and towards something that is entertaining for the whole family. You know, something less dependent on cuteness and horrible writing but is still fun and engaging. I want to perhaps do another Early Night Show. I am tasked with a Grade 5 & 6 weekly program. I will be helping with youth and young adults. A lot of stuff and it is quite intimidating.

On top of this, I still want to make relationships the cornerstone of everything I do. Spending time with God, friends, youth, all of which takes time to invest. I want to still find time to spend with Kyla and invest with.

I don't know if I really have enough time.

I come back to the story of when Jesus was in Capernaum and the town loves him so much and he could decide to stay and try to do it all. But he doesn't. He leaves it all to continue onto Jerusalem. He was supposed to do something specific and nothing would stop him. He was not able to say "yes" to everything, even if it was good.

I know I have to choose but I really don't want to. It is all good. I want to be wiped at the end of my day. I want to know that I did everything I could.

My friend, Greg, was telling me about a book he was reading and offered some fantastic insight. God is not found in a physical space like church or even in the midst of creation (which will fly in the face of some who would immediately object, but follow me for a minute). Rather He is found in time. He is found when we reflect, when we take time to listen to Him. When we take time to care of people. I think that's why many find God in nature. Not because He is especially found in nature, but rather you are spending time seeing God.

Time is our most precious resource. We have been given only a certain amount in our lives and it is an ever dwindling supply. If we were offered to trade in our things for more time, I think we would. I don't know of too many people who would trade in time for more things or space. If I met someone who would, I have a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't like them too much.

Living in time means that we only have one chance to live each moment. It means we are only given a certain amount of time with each person. The use of our time truly determines what your priorities are. What you value.

Where you put money does not determine what you value despite what many may believe. You could spend money to buy your family gifts. Maybe all you do is work to earn more money so that way your family lives well but at the end of the day, you are no closer to them.

It is your time that determines what you value. It's easy to spend money on people we'd rather not spend time with. No one truly values money but many love how money is a simple solution to fix many problems that require time, the true valuable. Think about this, you know those people we'd rather avoid? Wouldn't you rather give them a gift than give them time? Drop off the gift and go? Isn't that what we do when we give the panhandler money? To make them go away?

If we give God our time, that's when we are able to prioritize. That's why we are called to Sabbath. Not because God requires it, but really we do. We can't do everything and if we think we can then really we are really saying that we know better than God. That we can't let go of our pride. We don't want to reflect. We don't want to realize that much of what we do is a chasing after the wind. This thinking we know better than God is the precise thing that will separate us from God. Not spending time with God is separation from God.

I think I have found that one of the cores of my sinful nature is pride. It comes from a good place, mind you. I want to see change in the world, but I have a horrible tendency to think that it is all up to me. I won't rest. I won't relax. I have a tendency to use all of my time doing or planning or fidgeting. The difference between me and the workaholic rich guy who never spends time with his kids who secretly despise him is that I don't have kids and I don't have money. I am exactly that guy. My time is often spent on my empire.

I face a dilemma. How do I find the balance between time doing the practical task at hand and time with those I do it for? How do I spend my time, the most precious resource we have been given?

"Confusion never stops

Closing walls and ticking clocks

Gonna come back and take you home

I could not stop that you now know singing

Come out upon my seas

Cursed missed opportunities

Am I a part of the cure?

Or am I part of the disease?"

- "Clocks" from the Coldplay album "A Rush of Blood to the Head"

Her Telling of the Tale...

[For the first time ever and most likely only time, this is a blog post written by someone who is not me. This was written by Kyla for those interested in hearing her side of things.]
So a request was made for my side of the tale, so here is my version of how it all went down...


I never went to camp looking for a relationship...that was the last thing on my mind...My mind set was one of, in a few weeks, I’m off to Edmonton, heading to school and starting the next chapter of my life...the last thing that I need right now is a guy to get in the way of my future plans.


So camp started, I was in charge of all planning aspects of the summer, and I receive the list of all the staff members and see that a guy that I met a couple years ago was going to be out for most of the summer. My memory of this guy was that we had a good talk one day and that he was a really neat guy, so I was excited for the thought that we could hang out a little more this summer, but in the back on my mind, I was still in the frame of mind that school is starting, and I am not here for a relationship.


He arrived, and didn’t remember me, no big deal, I’m not one who stands out in a crowd...I’m a little on the silent side, and I don’t feel that I am all that rememberable. It didn’t take me long to realize that I still had feelings for him from the summer when we met, but I initially dismissed them as just a crush, no point trying to start anything there, at the end of summer, we’ll go back into our own worlds and the summer wont even matter. Besides, I felt that the idea of him would be better than the reality...he was a funny guy, and that was the only personality of his that I ever saw...funny is good, but in a relationship, don’t you also need the serious aspect of things as well?


I also found it impossible to believe that he would fall for me. I am quiet, he is outgoing. I am a few years younger than him, and although his age didn’t bother me, I didn’t know how he felt about my age in relation to his...so I figured, it was just going to be a crush. I’d get over it...no point making the end of summer harder by falling for a guy who would never return the feelings for me.


Summer progressed, and he started to initiate subtle touches...resting his hand on my shoulder for a second, touching my back, things like that...I didn’t know how to react to these touches, but just dismissed them as “good job” pats and tried not to read into them more than what he intended them to mean, as I have a tendency to read too much into things, which tends to hurt me in the end...so I tried to keep my mind clear that these taps meant anything other than “good job.”


He continued to rest his hand on me periodically, and every time he did, I had a bitter-sweet feeling happening in my head...I liked the touches because I liked him, but at the same time, all I could thing was, “what are you doing? I like you, and this is so not helping...” this was because it always made me think, “Hey...maybe he does actually like me.”...but then I remember...not happening...not in a million and one years...wouldn’t happen...wouldn’t work...right? It can’t work...I’m going to school soon, he lives somewhere else...it can’t work, won’t work...why even try anything...


Eventually, I started having deeper feelings than just a little crush...but in the back of my mind, it still seemed impossible...this guy would never fall for me...I was just setting myself up for a heartbreak by falling for him, just like I had many times in the past...it just wouldn’t work, and I shouldn’t let myself fall.


Then he invited me to join him during his morning devotional a half hour before staff meeting. My first thought was that maybe this is a way for him to hint that he likes me, but I immediately dismissed that; there’s no way that he likes me, he is just trying to be nice. In spite of these thoughts, my crush still outweighed my reservations, and I agreed to meet him in the mornings.


It was because of these morning devotional meetings that I realized this had turned into more than just a crush for me. This guy seemed so grounded...it was his faith that really caused me to notice that there was something more there...he wasn’t just the funny guy who made me and those around him laugh...he also had this serious side of him...it was witnessing this side of him, his faith side and spiritual side, that caused my change in crush status...suddenly, he wasn’t just a crush, but someone that I actually liked and wanted to spend as much time with as possible. I didn’t know how the end of camp would play out, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to hang out with him, and learn more about him and his life.


Finally, he questioned me on my motives for meeting him the mornings. My first thought; “Shoot.” You know what the problem is with revealing that you like a guy? It’s that you are revealing that you like a guy...and when you do that, all the power shifts to him, and he has the power to either say, “I like you too,” or to say that he does not and therefore break your heart. It is never a good spot to be in, but I could no longer deny that I liked him, and so forced myself to reveal the truth to him, that I did have feelings for him. The conversation ended with him telling me he that he liked me too, but that he didn’t want to do long distance.


Then we had a larger break in between a couple of our camps and we were able to spend some time together. We hung out a lot, and then I realized that not continuing something between us after camp was not going to work with me. I had fallen too hard for this guy, and I couldn’t allow us to just dismiss this as a “summer fling;” that wasn’t going to work for me. It wasn’t an option...the only option in my mind was to try the long distance thing, even though we both hated the idea of it.


The days off changed things drastically for me...but camp was over in a week, and he was going to be moving on with his life, and I was heading to Edmonton soon...but I didn’t want to have to say good- bye, especially not right after camp, so I invited him to stay at my place for a few extra days, because I didn’t want to have to say good-bye, not yet...I wanted to push it back. To my surprise, he agreed to come.


Then that last night came, and as he said, we were sitting and talking after all the kids had gone to bed. He was telling me that it wasn’t going to work...and all I can think was how can you say it wont work? Were you not there with me during the break? Did you not feel what I was feeling? How can you say that we cannot try to keep this thing going?


I had been wanting to say that not continuing something wasn’t going to work for me for a while, but I kept hoping that he would see it on his own, then he said this, and I realized that I had to say it now, or I would be saying good-bye to him, and that wasn’t going to be okay with me. So I told him what I was thinking...and apparently, that changed it for him.


He came to my place the next day, and we talked about us. He finally realized how I felt about him, and we came to the decision to date.


Now here we are. I am happy I stood up for us, because I cannot imagine ending this summer any other way.


And in tradition of lyrics after his posts, here is a song for you:


“But it's not the same without you

Because it takes two to whisper quietly 
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad 
'Cause the spaces between my fingers 
Are right where yours fit perfectly”
~ “Vanilla Twilight” from the Owl City album Ocean Eyes