[For the first time ever and most likely only time, this is a blog post written by someone who is not me. This was written by Kyla for those interested in hearing her side of things.]
So a request was made for my side of the tale, so here is my version of how it all went down...
I never went to camp looking for a relationship...that was the last thing on my mind...My mind set was one of, in a few weeks, I’m off to Edmonton, heading to school and starting the next chapter of my life...the last thing that I need right now is a guy to get in the way of my future plans.
So camp started, I was in charge of all planning aspects of the summer, and I receive the list of all the staff members and see that a guy that I met a couple years ago was going to be out for most of the summer. My memory of this guy was that we had a good talk one day and that he was a really neat guy, so I was excited for the thought that we could hang out a little more this summer, but in the back on my mind, I was still in the frame of mind that school is starting, and I am not here for a relationship.
He arrived, and didn’t remember me, no big deal, I’m not one who stands out in a crowd...I’m a little on the silent side, and I don’t feel that I am all that rememberable. It didn’t take me long to realize that I still had feelings for him from the summer when we met, but I initially dismissed them as just a crush, no point trying to start anything there, at the end of summer, we’ll go back into our own worlds and the summer wont even matter. Besides, I felt that the idea of him would be better than the reality...he was a funny guy, and that was the only personality of his that I ever saw...funny is good, but in a relationship, don’t you also need the serious aspect of things as well?
I also found it impossible to believe that he would fall for me. I am quiet, he is outgoing. I am a few years younger than him, and although his age didn’t bother me, I didn’t know how he felt about my age in relation to his...so I figured, it was just going to be a crush. I’d get over it...no point making the end of summer harder by falling for a guy who would never return the feelings for me.
Summer progressed, and he started to initiate subtle touches...resting his hand on my shoulder for a second, touching my back, things like that...I didn’t know how to react to these touches, but just dismissed them as “good job” pats and tried not to read into them more than what he intended them to mean, as I have a tendency to read too much into things, which tends to hurt me in the end...so I tried to keep my mind clear that these taps meant anything other than “good job.”
He continued to rest his hand on me periodically, and every time he did, I had a bitter-sweet feeling happening in my head...I liked the touches because I liked him, but at the same time, all I could thing was, “what are you doing? I like you, and this is so not helping...” this was because it always made me think, “Hey...maybe he does actually like me.”...but then I remember...not happening...not in a million and one years...wouldn’t happen...wouldn’t work...right? It can’t work...I’m going to school soon, he lives somewhere else...it can’t work, won’t work...why even try anything...
Eventually, I started having deeper feelings than just a little crush...but in the back of my mind, it still seemed impossible...this guy would never fall for me...I was just setting myself up for a heartbreak by falling for him, just like I had many times in the past...it just wouldn’t work, and I shouldn’t let myself fall.
Then he invited me to join him during his morning devotional a half hour before staff meeting. My first thought was that maybe this is a way for him to hint that he likes me, but I immediately dismissed that; there’s no way that he likes me, he is just trying to be nice. In spite of these thoughts, my crush still outweighed my reservations, and I agreed to meet him in the mornings.
It was because of these morning devotional meetings that I realized this had turned into more than just a crush for me. This guy seemed so grounded...it was his faith that really caused me to notice that there was something more there...he wasn’t just the funny guy who made me and those around him laugh...he also had this serious side of him...it was witnessing this side of him, his faith side and spiritual side, that caused my change in crush status...suddenly, he wasn’t just a crush, but someone that I actually liked and wanted to spend as much time with as possible. I didn’t know how the end of camp would play out, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to hang out with him, and learn more about him and his life.
Finally, he questioned me on my motives for meeting him the mornings. My first thought; “Shoot.” You know what the problem is with revealing that you like a guy? It’s that you are revealing that you like a guy...and when you do that, all the power shifts to him, and he has the power to either say, “I like you too,” or to say that he does not and therefore break your heart. It is never a good spot to be in, but I could no longer deny that I liked him, and so forced myself to reveal the truth to him, that I did have feelings for him. The conversation ended with him telling me he that he liked me too, but that he didn’t want to do long distance.
Then we had a larger break in between a couple of our camps and we were able to spend some time together. We hung out a lot, and then I realized that not continuing something between us after camp was not going to work with me. I had fallen too hard for this guy, and I couldn’t allow us to just dismiss this as a “summer fling;” that wasn’t going to work for me. It wasn’t an option...the only option in my mind was to try the long distance thing, even though we both hated the idea of it.
The days off changed things drastically for me...but camp was over in a week, and he was going to be moving on with his life, and I was heading to Edmonton soon...but I didn’t want to have to say good- bye, especially not right after camp, so I invited him to stay at my place for a few extra days, because I didn’t want to have to say good-bye, not yet...I wanted to push it back. To my surprise, he agreed to come.
Then that last night came, and as he said, we were sitting and talking after all the kids had gone to bed. He was telling me that it wasn’t going to work...and all I can think was how can you say it wont work? Were you not there with me during the break? Did you not feel what I was feeling? How can you say that we cannot try to keep this thing going?
I had been wanting to say that not continuing something wasn’t going to work for me for a while, but I kept hoping that he would see it on his own, then he said this, and I realized that I had to say it now, or I would be saying good-bye to him, and that wasn’t going to be okay with me. So I told him what I was thinking...and apparently, that changed it for him.
He came to my place the next day, and we talked about us. He finally realized how I felt about him, and we came to the decision to date.
Now here we are. I am happy I stood up for us, because I cannot imagine ending this summer any other way.
And in tradition of lyrics after his posts, here is a song for you:
“But it's not the same without you
So a request was made for my side of the tale, so here is my version of how it all went down...
I never went to camp looking for a relationship...that was the last thing on my mind...My mind set was one of, in a few weeks, I’m off to Edmonton, heading to school and starting the next chapter of my life...the last thing that I need right now is a guy to get in the way of my future plans.
So camp started, I was in charge of all planning aspects of the summer, and I receive the list of all the staff members and see that a guy that I met a couple years ago was going to be out for most of the summer. My memory of this guy was that we had a good talk one day and that he was a really neat guy, so I was excited for the thought that we could hang out a little more this summer, but in the back on my mind, I was still in the frame of mind that school is starting, and I am not here for a relationship.
He arrived, and didn’t remember me, no big deal, I’m not one who stands out in a crowd...I’m a little on the silent side, and I don’t feel that I am all that rememberable. It didn’t take me long to realize that I still had feelings for him from the summer when we met, but I initially dismissed them as just a crush, no point trying to start anything there, at the end of summer, we’ll go back into our own worlds and the summer wont even matter. Besides, I felt that the idea of him would be better than the reality...he was a funny guy, and that was the only personality of his that I ever saw...funny is good, but in a relationship, don’t you also need the serious aspect of things as well?
I also found it impossible to believe that he would fall for me. I am quiet, he is outgoing. I am a few years younger than him, and although his age didn’t bother me, I didn’t know how he felt about my age in relation to his...so I figured, it was just going to be a crush. I’d get over it...no point making the end of summer harder by falling for a guy who would never return the feelings for me.
Summer progressed, and he started to initiate subtle touches...resting his hand on my shoulder for a second, touching my back, things like that...I didn’t know how to react to these touches, but just dismissed them as “good job” pats and tried not to read into them more than what he intended them to mean, as I have a tendency to read too much into things, which tends to hurt me in the end...so I tried to keep my mind clear that these taps meant anything other than “good job.”
He continued to rest his hand on me periodically, and every time he did, I had a bitter-sweet feeling happening in my head...I liked the touches because I liked him, but at the same time, all I could thing was, “what are you doing? I like you, and this is so not helping...” this was because it always made me think, “Hey...maybe he does actually like me.”...but then I remember...not happening...not in a million and one years...wouldn’t happen...wouldn’t work...right? It can’t work...I’m going to school soon, he lives somewhere else...it can’t work, won’t work...why even try anything...
Eventually, I started having deeper feelings than just a little crush...but in the back of my mind, it still seemed impossible...this guy would never fall for me...I was just setting myself up for a heartbreak by falling for him, just like I had many times in the past...it just wouldn’t work, and I shouldn’t let myself fall.
Then he invited me to join him during his morning devotional a half hour before staff meeting. My first thought was that maybe this is a way for him to hint that he likes me, but I immediately dismissed that; there’s no way that he likes me, he is just trying to be nice. In spite of these thoughts, my crush still outweighed my reservations, and I agreed to meet him in the mornings.
It was because of these morning devotional meetings that I realized this had turned into more than just a crush for me. This guy seemed so grounded...it was his faith that really caused me to notice that there was something more there...he wasn’t just the funny guy who made me and those around him laugh...he also had this serious side of him...it was witnessing this side of him, his faith side and spiritual side, that caused my change in crush status...suddenly, he wasn’t just a crush, but someone that I actually liked and wanted to spend as much time with as possible. I didn’t know how the end of camp would play out, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to hang out with him, and learn more about him and his life.
Finally, he questioned me on my motives for meeting him the mornings. My first thought; “Shoot.” You know what the problem is with revealing that you like a guy? It’s that you are revealing that you like a guy...and when you do that, all the power shifts to him, and he has the power to either say, “I like you too,” or to say that he does not and therefore break your heart. It is never a good spot to be in, but I could no longer deny that I liked him, and so forced myself to reveal the truth to him, that I did have feelings for him. The conversation ended with him telling me he that he liked me too, but that he didn’t want to do long distance.
Then we had a larger break in between a couple of our camps and we were able to spend some time together. We hung out a lot, and then I realized that not continuing something between us after camp was not going to work with me. I had fallen too hard for this guy, and I couldn’t allow us to just dismiss this as a “summer fling;” that wasn’t going to work for me. It wasn’t an option...the only option in my mind was to try the long distance thing, even though we both hated the idea of it.
The days off changed things drastically for me...but camp was over in a week, and he was going to be moving on with his life, and I was heading to Edmonton soon...but I didn’t want to have to say good- bye, especially not right after camp, so I invited him to stay at my place for a few extra days, because I didn’t want to have to say good-bye, not yet...I wanted to push it back. To my surprise, he agreed to come.
Then that last night came, and as he said, we were sitting and talking after all the kids had gone to bed. He was telling me that it wasn’t going to work...and all I can think was how can you say it wont work? Were you not there with me during the break? Did you not feel what I was feeling? How can you say that we cannot try to keep this thing going?
I had been wanting to say that not continuing something wasn’t going to work for me for a while, but I kept hoping that he would see it on his own, then he said this, and I realized that I had to say it now, or I would be saying good-bye to him, and that wasn’t going to be okay with me. So I told him what I was thinking...and apparently, that changed it for him.
He came to my place the next day, and we talked about us. He finally realized how I felt about him, and we came to the decision to date.
Now here we are. I am happy I stood up for us, because I cannot imagine ending this summer any other way.
And in tradition of lyrics after his posts, here is a song for you:
“But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly”
~ “Vanilla Twilight” from the Owl City album Ocean Eyes
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly”
~ “Vanilla Twilight” from the Owl City album Ocean Eyes
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