Language of the Soul

Music has been on my mind quite a bit recently. Both in the grander culture and even on a personal level. First and foremost, it was recently the twentieth anniversary of two significant albums, those being Nirvana's era-defining "Nevermind" and my favourite Pearl Jam album "Ten" (I recognize that good friends, Jason and Rob, would look down their nose at me for choosing the popular record as my favourite as opposed to "Vs." or "Vitalogy", but it's the truth). I've taken my iTunes library off random and have been listening to the two albums on repeat.

I was also intrigued by a special interview by Jon Stewart with the surviving members of Nirvana, Kris Novaselic and Dave Grohl, alongside the famous producer Butch Vig. The discussion of what is was like behind the scenes of the band as well as what goes into creating an album to be compelling.

This comes in the wake of the recent breakup of R.E.M., a band, while not my favourite, still had a significant impact on my library.

I also wound up missing the Pearl Jam concert that took place in Vancouver this past weekend due to a scheduling conflict with, in my opinion, a significant youth retreat. I don't regret not going, but at the same time I wonder how much longer the band will tour, especially since you could read the lyrics in their last album seeming to indicate that they are perhaps preparing to wind down.

In addition, at the retreat itself, there was a session at which there was a discussion on the content of music and it's message and the influence it may have on an individual which added to this contemplation of one of my favourite art forms to partake of.

It was not always been the case. As I have briefly mentioned in a blog post before, I have always had a difficult time with Christian music. It was what I had grown up with and was all I was exposed to in terms of music (with the exception of the songs from Disney cartoons which did not help my relationship with music). All the songs were about the same things and were always happy and were always God is awesome. Although I may have, in my limited understanding, agreed with the sentiments, at the same time it felt hollow.

In my youth, my relationship with Christian music was really like my relationship with Christianity in general. As I grew up and I was attempting to understand what it means to have faith, I was also attempting to really get into worship music and mean it. After a while, it was like I was straining to become an ardent Christian and trying to get that closer relationship to God which I thought would reveal itself as some miraculous communication with Him or some life-shaking encounter. However, it would never come. If I had just paid attention to the fact I thought Christian music was almost all terrible, I think I may have tuned into my gut that said the way I understood this faith was proving to be hollow.

Christian music simply was not connecting to any sense of a deep relationship with God. They were all essentially sappy love songs and nothing else.

The first album that actually made me say, "hey, I identify with this" was Green Day's "Dookie" that was thrown at my head. I know in reflection of it now, it is a juvenile record, but at the time I was juvenile. They talked about the world in a different light. By this time in my life, I rarely had any significant conversations with another person with a different world view and it was eye opening to hear Billie Joe sing about growing up, expressing anger, heartbreak. No Christian album talked about that. None of the worship songs ever talked about that.

Over time, I would buy more and more albums. I remember buying Collective Soul, Limp Bizkit, Our Lady Peace and Live. By the way, I recognize that I did not have the greatest taste in music when I was younger, but that's aside from the point. There was something about each of those albums that I would connect with or that I would learn from. I began to understand how others could see the world. Sometimes I would agree with it, other times not, but it engaged me.

I think at the core of it is that secular music admitted something that Christian music would not and that is: humans are human. It was something that it seemed like Christianity in general missed often. Christianity would admit that humans are trash or that we would find joy in the Lord but I found for me that both the religion and it's music struggled with the other strong emotions of sadness and anger. When I was sad or angry, the answer was you shouldn't be unless it was about how sinful you are.

Rock music said, "You should be". It strived to make you feel something. A part of the essence of living was to deal with your emotions, not hide it up with some happy song.

Now, it may seem like this story is leading me away from my faith, but it is not that obvious. I went to Bible school, I went to Bible studies and continued to learn and at the same time I continued to add to my music collection such bands as those mentioned at the top of this post along with Dave Matthews, Matthew Good, Smashing Pumpkins, Alice in Chains and Foo Fighters and I found something interesting.

It seemed to be all pointing the same direction.

I discovered that the Psalms were not all happy go lucky sing songs. Jonah was a man who struggled with the idea his enemies were invited to change. Ecclesiastes paints how meaningless life when pleasing oneself is the focus of your life and it's what led me to say that Ecclesiastes is the Nevermind of the Bible. Many of the Old Testament prophets would fit in with the likes of Bob Dylan and Neil Young.

At the same time, a common thread in many of my favourite bands show a yearning for peace and restoration. The Foo Fighters frequently toy with the idea of ascension and sanctification. Eddie Vedder's lyrics over the course of the band's career seem to move from frustration to taking up a cause to looking for what's important in life.

In some regards, I have followed suit as I struggled to reconcile hope of the Christian has in redemption and the reality of the world and human nature.

Secular music may have challenged me and drew me to understand the world only to lead me back to the idea that humanity finds itself in need of something greater than itself and I believe that is found in the Christ.

I used and continue to use music to engage my mind and explore my humanity. That is why I As Ludwig van Beethoven said, "Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life." I don't mean to say that secular music has some special key to our understanding to God and that all secular music is somehow all good. I am merely saying that our higher purpose often comes bleeding through because I believe it bleeds through all of us.

"He's the one
Who like all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means"
- "In Bloom" from the Nirvana album "Nevermind"