Friday, September 09, 2011

I'm Not a Sexually Liberated Woman

I browsed a copy of Geez recently and saw an article about the Slutwalks that took place all over the place earlier this year in the wake of a Toronto police officer flippantly saying that women should not dress like "sluts" so as to avoid being raped.

Thanks to the officer's comment, two separate ideas have met in the middle for one of the worst examples of two groups missing the point entirely and now both look like idiots and neither realize it. 

Here are the two ideas that he threw in a wrestling ring:
A) Rape is bad and needs to stop
B) What does feminism look like?

It was like you made global warming try to fight nuclear weapon proliferation as if they were opponents. Or for a even pop culture-like reference, having ninjas fight pirates. That's the real sad part of this whole thing.

Clearly the officer was not right in making a woman take part responsibility for being raped because of the way she dresses. However, the stupidest way to respond to that allegation is dressing up like sluts as a defiant measure. It misses the point.

The person at fault when it comes to rape is only in the court of the rapist. It doesn't matter if the girl is naked or in a burka, the rapist is solely to blame. Really a rapist is looking for an opportunity. The rapist looks for any justification. Whether it's as visceral as "I want sex" or "that girl is asking for it". That is all in the head of the rapist. Even if the girl was not "asking for it", they are numerous other reasons. For instance, some have raped women wearing burkas because they figured the women needed to find sexual liberation. That's a justification of the rapist and the rapists will take any reason to satisfy it's vile desire. The opportunity is what the rapist is really looking for. Not the dress of the victim.

If the officer wanted to safeguard women against rape, it would be advice on avoiding giving opportunity. Stay with others. Avoid isolating yourself. Etcetera, etcetera. Even if the woman has given opportunity to the rapist, it's still not her fault.

Unfortunately, he said what he said.

It then leaves women on the other side to respond. And in common human response, they choose the stupidest but the most splashy way to protest and in this case it was the "Slutwalk". It's the live version of the "change your profile picture to a childhood cartoon to take a stand against pedophilia" or "don't change your profile picture to a childhood cartoon because it's somehow a trap set up by pedophiles" or "post the colour of your bra to raise awareness of breast cancer" or "post a number of weeks and a favourite food to trick people into thinking you're pregnant in order to raise awareness about something that I'm not entirely sure of because your stupid game actually is hurting you raise awareness about the topic you wanted to raise awareness about". Sweet mother, I am so frustrated by people raising awareness. I could punch the internet for several hours it bothers me so much. You know what. I need others to hear this pertinent message. I should change my Facebook status to really impact culture. Hold on... changed my status so now the world will probably sort itself out.

The problem with many "raising awareness" campaigns is that they frequently miss the point. This is no different. Really, was the problem that women should be allowed to wear whatever or was the point to stop rape? To me, a "Please Don't Rape Walk" would be a lot more pertinent to the situation. However, it's not very splashy like "Slutwalk" and I also just noticed that people might be confused as to what rapewalking is.  Nonetheless, the "Slutwalk" has probably wounded the feminist and women equality more than helped by alienating people with their parades.

I find the hard thing about some elements in the equality movement is that women are trying to attain absolute freedom and it may be ironically working against what they want. Whereas before, men enforced the image of women being eye candy and are not to be treated as equals, women are now dressing as "sexually liberated" women and now are being eye candy and allow themselves to be treated as less than equals and believe it that they are acting like a free woman. No, all they have done is fallen for the old con of making it their idea and not the man's idea to be slutty. Men are still getting what they want and women believe that they have what they want.

Unfortunately, gender equality has taken on the form of sleeping with whoever you like just like men have as though that was the ideal. Sure, before men could essentially sleep with whoever they wanted consequence free and women were either treated like property or were stuck with consequences of the act of sex but that doesn't make men in the right and that women should become like that. Now women could act like men with women's rights becoming more of a reality and with the ease of contraception and prevalence of abortion options but that still doesn't mean women should become more like men in sleeping around freely. That's the terrible thing about men. Have sex with no consequences. Treating one of the most beautiful things in the world as though it were a dime a dozen from the Wal-mart.

I don't think sexual liberation should be have as much sex as you can, but rather, it should not be used violently or used oppressively. It should be you can choose who to have that intimate bond with and not forced to by others. It's still a precious thing and we should choose how to use it and that's something women never had the luxury of before.

Rape is not the fault of the woman. Never.

However, the ideal of the woman should not be promiscuous. It should not be the ideal of men. That's not gender equality. That's not sexual liberation. That is being reckless with one of the most beautiful things you can share with another.

In conclusion to these two different topics:
1) No rape ever.
2) Rapist is to blame for rape.
3) Women and men need to share sexual liberation
4) Sexual liberation is being the master of your sexual self, not being the slave of your sexual self.

[Author's Note: There's a couple of naughty words in here.

"Plus when you give it up so easy you ain't even fooling him
If you did it then, they you probably fuck again
Talking out your neck saying' you're a Christian
A Muslim sleeping with the gin
Now that was the sin that did Jezebel in
Who you gonna tell when the repercussions spin
Showing off your ass 'cause you're thinking it's a trend
Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again
You know I only say it 'cause I'm truly genuine
Don't be a hard rock when you're really a gem
Babygirl, respect is just a minimum"
- "Doo Wop (That Thing)" from Lauryn Hill's album "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill"

1 comment:

Matthew said...

Kudos on taking on some controversy! I like how you walked through that minefield.

"No, all they have done is fallen for the old con of making it their idea and not the man's idea to be slutty. Men are still getting what they want and women believe that they have what they want."

Yeah, gender issues are so very complex and there is so much of the unconscious involved, both the personal and - even more significantly - the cultural unconscious.

So my question to you is how do you think we might 'raise awareness' about things that really matter in a meaningful and affective way? That is, in a way that actually leads to affecting change?