I know that as I head back to Nelson, my time is going to disappear. I am looking to take on a lot of ambitious projects. I hope to craft a Christmas show that steps away from the Christmas pageant and towards something that is entertaining for the whole family. You know, something less dependent on cuteness and horrible writing but is still fun and engaging. I want to perhaps do another Early Night Show. I am tasked with a Grade 5 & 6 weekly program. I will be helping with youth and young adults. A lot of stuff and it is quite intimidating.
On top of this, I still want to make relationships the cornerstone of everything I do. Spending time with God, friends, youth, all of which takes time to invest. I want to still find time to spend with Kyla and invest with.
I don't know if I really have enough time.
I come back to the story of when Jesus was in Capernaum and the town loves him so much and he could decide to stay and try to do it all. But he doesn't. He leaves it all to continue onto Jerusalem. He was supposed to do something specific and nothing would stop him. He was not able to say "yes" to everything, even if it was good.
I know I have to choose but I really don't want to. It is all good. I want to be wiped at the end of my day. I want to know that I did everything I could.
My friend, Greg, was telling me about a book he was reading and offered some fantastic insight. God is not found in a physical space like church or even in the midst of creation (which will fly in the face of some who would immediately object, but follow me for a minute). Rather He is found in time. He is found when we reflect, when we take time to listen to Him. When we take time to care of people. I think that's why many find God in nature. Not because He is especially found in nature, but rather you are spending time seeing God.
Time is our most precious resource. We have been given only a certain amount in our lives and it is an ever dwindling supply. If we were offered to trade in our things for more time, I think we would. I don't know of too many people who would trade in time for more things or space. If I met someone who would, I have a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't like them too much.
Living in time means that we only have one chance to live each moment. It means we are only given a certain amount of time with each person. The use of our time truly determines what your priorities are. What you value.
Where you put money does not determine what you value despite what many may believe. You could spend money to buy your family gifts. Maybe all you do is work to earn more money so that way your family lives well but at the end of the day, you are no closer to them.
It is your time that determines what you value. It's easy to spend money on people we'd rather not spend time with. No one truly values money but many love how money is a simple solution to fix many problems that require time, the true valuable. Think about this, you know those people we'd rather avoid? Wouldn't you rather give them a gift than give them time? Drop off the gift and go? Isn't that what we do when we give the panhandler money? To make them go away?
If we give God our time, that's when we are able to prioritize. That's why we are called to Sabbath. Not because God requires it, but really we do. We can't do everything and if we think we can then really we are really saying that we know better than God. That we can't let go of our pride. We don't want to reflect. We don't want to realize that much of what we do is a chasing after the wind. This thinking we know better than God is the precise thing that will separate us from God. Not spending time with God is separation from God.
I think I have found that one of the cores of my sinful nature is pride. It comes from a good place, mind you. I want to see change in the world, but I have a horrible tendency to think that it is all up to me. I won't rest. I won't relax. I have a tendency to use all of my time doing or planning or fidgeting. The difference between me and the workaholic rich guy who never spends time with his kids who secretly despise him is that I don't have kids and I don't have money. I am exactly that guy. My time is often spent on my empire.
I face a dilemma. How do I find the balance between time doing the practical task at hand and time with those I do it for? How do I spend my time, the most precious resource we have been given?
"Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know singing
Come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure?
Or am I part of the disease?"
- "Clocks" from the Coldplay album "A Rush of Blood to the Head"
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