Saturday, September 10, 2005

All the Hillbillyness of it All

I went to my first shift at the other Domo. At first, I thought I was working at a typical self-service gas station that has an unspeakable name (see previous post). I was shocked to find out that it was a rip in the space/time continuum that links back to Minnedosa. It was either that or someone took all the drunkenness, all the dust, all the hillbillyness of it all and put it into a place of business. It was disturbing for me. Who would've thought that I would find such a place in the middle of a city?

It makes me wonder if there are more Minnedosas out there. More drunkenness. More racial intolerance. More spewed beef jerky all over my store. More dumbass comments. More inane chatter. More vests over the bare chest.

That would mean that there would be no place to hide. Idiots could envelope you at any moment. Truly this discovery of the Minnedosaliana or Brain colerah is something bigger than some fake epidemic. It could infect at any place at any time.

Symptoms of the pitiable disease is the strong urge to shout out "Yoooooouuuuuu!" at the most inappropriate times, to listen to Pablo Cruz at all, buying a big, dumb truck (and especially if you figure that you should have a Calvin peeing on the symbol of the opposing truck manufacturer on the back window), or if you have the sudden urge to throw objects off of lookout towers, own "Fox" clothing, attend truck smash'em ups, or you are more drunk than sober in your waking hours.

If you're ever at home and feel any of the symptoms of the Brain colerah setting in, please report to a local library and read a book or watch a documentary. Avoid country music and flannel shirts. And whatever you don't rev your engines when you pass people on the street.

At this time, I have a confession to make. I suffer from brain colerah everyday. I actively kill brain cells and watch wrestling...and enjoy it. Please keep me in your prayers. After all, brain colerah makes a victim of us all.

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