Sunday, September 04, 2005

The Next Time I Play Pool and I Win, I Take This All Back

Last night I went to play pool with my friends Bryan, Nadine and Chris. It was alright but there is an innate flaw to the game of pool. There is no way that you can have a tie game. Impossible. I mean what kind of oppressive hierarchial game is this that must crown a winner and a loser?

Haven't we learned anything from children in that no matter how crappy you play or how much you profusely cheat, everybody wins? Equally. That way we encourage kids. We encourage them by saying that it's ok if you suck, and in fact, don't bother trying because we can glide through life without effort. There was a nice, safe mediocrity in playing games when we were young.

Now all I hear now is that you need to "wake up" and face "reality". That life is tough. That pool is tough. What the crap?! Are you going to tell me that this "reality" involves wins and losses? And that when I put a bet on something and I "lose", that means I have to pay up? Shouldn't I get my money back because I was there at least to put the bet down.

I'm telling you, that we should rise up and bring back childhood rules, where adults will throw games so that the ones that suck at stuff will not feel bad. Where if you play against another person and you lose, you get rewarded with candy just for showing up and if you win, you get rewarded with the SAME CANDY! And then we would all be called "winners" all the time so that we will never have to endure the sour, bitter taste of defeat and we would continue in a one-dimensional life where nothing goes wrong ever. It'll be great! That way there will never be losers again. Except for one. The word "loser" would be the loser, because no one would be called that again. And maybe the guy that invented the word would be one, too.

Just so you know the next time I play pool and I win, I take this all back and you will be the loser and I will be the winner.

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