I was recently told by Michelle to "broaden my horizons" and "try new foods". I was taken aback. Trying new foods? How could you say that to me? I've invented foods! Let's remember "chocolate beer". The brilliant concoction of root beer and chocolate milk. That was me!
However, I'm not as self-righteous as others, so I decided that I would try something different. Stef and I headed to Boston Pizza and I went with some foreign chicken pasta dish of sorts. I figured, "it's chicken, it can't suck." Turns out, I was wrong. The stuff was like noodles with grilled beaver hide and a weird spice to "zest things up".
Apparently "zesting things up" is just a fancy phrase for pouring dirty mop water all over something else.
However as bad as it was, I was taken aback when all of a sudden I was taken to a new level of disgust after a particular bite. I assume it was the delicacy of skunk intestinal tract that found it's way onto my fork, into my mouth and into the bottom of the toilet of my stomach. The thing is that I have this thing where if I pay for food, I will eat as much as I can handle.
The other bazaar thing about the meal was the fact it came in this odd bowl that seems to be designed so that noone else at the table can see it's contents. Clearly, the restaurant knows that the things is wretched and thus must take steps to hide it from others.
On top of all this, I had to pay something like $14 for it! C'mon! You've got to be joking. I mean something is seriously wrong with this.
Then I looked up what "broadening your horizons" means and it turns out means wasting time, money and dignity for your digestive system.
Michelle, I personally hold you responsible for this.