It's Medical Science, People

I'm here to address the issue of swearing. Apparently there are a bunch of people out there that are up in arms about the fact how people who are opposed to swearing are using fake Christianese swears.

I here to defend fake Christian swearing. I'm apart of the "Christians who stand up for the right to fake swear". You see, we here at the "CWSUFRFS" wish that we could swear. We wish we could swear like frickin' sailors. But we don't. Because swearing is wrong. That's because certain words have evil injected right into it. You see, when someone hears and sees a real swear, their ears and eyes will catch gangrene and will one day fall off and actually kill the host. It was dubbed "Wanker's Discomfort". But the simple measures of changing syllables (like "frickin'" and "dang" and putting stars (or other popular alternatives like "#" and "@") over key letters was discovered to prevent and circumvent the negative effects of the disease of swearing. It was a medical breakthrough in the early 20's and that's why those stars are on all standard keyboards today.

People say that you're not hiding the swear by using all these fake swears or the use of the stars. They say that we are hypocritical especially when we think we are more pure than the real swearers. But that's because we are. Specific words are actually impure, not the meaning. The meaning's fine. It's the word that's the problem. It's medical science, people.

So in closing, I have a message to all you idiots out there that say that "fake swears are real swears": Shut up b#%@, and get off my mother f&%#ing lawn, d$#*it!