Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Dukes of Hazzard Are Ruining the Advancement of Society and Possibly Civilization in General

I am a fan of Heroes. I like the angle they've taken with super powers and the people who possess them. They aren't running around in tights and have goofy names. They just try to deal with the powers and their lives like normal. Well, with relative normalacy. I mean, they have to do something important. It would be kind of crappy if it was just about some guy who works at a fast food joint and his power is to know what side dish the customer wants and the crisis he faces include when a customer wants something that isn't on the menu. Unless it was a mini-series. It might work then.

Anyways, back to what I really want to talk about. Fast food. I mean, super powers. I'm sure you've all had that conversation a handful of times about what power you wish you could have. But for me, it would be the power to read people's thoughts. It would be a great all around power to have. You could use it everyday and not just to save lives, but also to make life that much easier for people. Plus you could pick up chicks easier. School would be a snap. You'd be the big hit at gatherings because you know what to say. And you could even steal people's jokes before they tell them. You'd know exactly what to say or do with people who are going through tough times.

Of course, then when you talk to boring people, their thoughts are probably just as boring. Except it would be like listening to two of them at the same time. Either that or it would be like listening to them in stereo. I assume that boring people are literally saying what they are thinking.

Creepy people would be the same way. The difference would be that you'd hear what the euphemism is actually referring to as you listen to the overly obvious and gross sexual reference.

Violent people would be scary because even if then you might see the images that they are thinking when you tell them that disagree with the idea that Dukes of Hazzard has brought enlightenment to humanity. The images would most likely include them hitting jumps in their trucks that have over-sized tires, naked-girl-silhouette mudflaps, Calvin-peeing-on-a-Chevy logo in the back window, lights on the roll bar, and two huge exhausts pipes that underline their inadequacy and then them landing on me and then running me over a few more times and in my dying moments, I can hear the bitter melody of some Pable Cruz song. That is truly horrifying.

Maybe it's better not to have that power. And I definitely don't trust others enough to let them have it either. So let's just ignore everything I said. Except for the fact that Dukes of Hazzard are ruining the advancement of society and possibly civilization in general.

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