Due to my Roger's powers, I have been able to see the 24 season premiere two days early! That's right, I already know what happens! Of course, it's already beened leaked out on the internet and when I called one of my friends to brag, he told me he had already seen it. I was silenced quickly. Lousy 24 pirates. How am I supposed to make others feel jealous with you people spreading it on the internet?!
I mean I watched it on my crappy 13 inch TV through my PS2, which has the most atrocious DVD player designed by humans. You may say that it can't be that bad. Ok, hot shot, how would you like to watch the greatest TV to happen in this lifetime and the whole time, I sit there with my hand on the contrast dial and turn up and then turn it down. For two seconds it looks fine and then for the next thirty the lips of the women look like they have been infected with gangrene. Because that is what it's like. And I suffered through that crap so that I have the priviledge of saying that I got to see it first and now any old shmuck can get on the interweb and look at it because of the criminals who stole it and put it on the web in between crack deals and prostitute parties?
That is the most grotesque thing in America. I mean, sure, children are taken advantage of, the war in Iraq is injust and messy. And sure, violent crimes are on the rise and racial intolerance is still horribly rampant and this global warming thing is getting out of hand, but none of that has affected me!
Now, they are screwing with televisionistic priviledge! They are screwing with me and Jack Bauer! Ooh, you bastards have no idea what's coming!
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